The Bachelor’s Jason Mesnick on his ideal woman
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under Dating, Kids, Single Dads
“The Bachelor” is set to premiere Monday on ABC with a two-hour special starting at 8 p.m. If you haven’t yet heard, for the first time ever, the bachelor is a single dad.
Jason Mesnick is the 32-year-old divorced father of a three-year-old son who lives in Seattle.
The Seattle Times recently ran an exclusive interview with Jason Mesnick about his life as a single parent, during which he clarified that his son has met only the last two finalists on the show.
“There’s no way I wanted to introduce him to a group of 25 or 8 or 6, Mesnick told The Seattle Times. ” I knew I couldn’t fully give myself to somebody in my heart until I saw him with them, saw how he interacted with them and how they interacted with them. It’s something his mom and I talked about a lot.”
While we applaud Jason Mesnick for being cautious about introducing his son to potential girlfriends, we were caught off guard by another interview he recently had with Reality TV World.
Reality TV World asked him:
“You said when it came to the type of woman you were looking for that you wanted more of a role model, not maybe a parent necessarily. Can you just go into detail about what you were looking for, for your ideal woman on the show?”
Although Mesnick clarified that his son “Ty has already got a mother,” his response about the kind of woman he’s looking for baffled us.
“I’m looking for somebody who could be a partner for me, who can be a mentor for him, you know, with more authority,” said Mesnick.
“And I think the hardest thing to do is for somebody to walk in and say, ‘Hey, here’s your stepmom,” or “Here’s your stepdad.” Versus, like, “Hey, here’s Daddy’s – here’s my partner and she’s also, you know, she’s also going to be a friend to you, she’s going to be a mentor to you, she’s going to help you, she’s going to help you learn. But you’re also going to have to listen to her.”
~~~
“Listen to her?”
What does Jason Mesnick mean by that?
Is he really hoping to find a life partner? Or a step-mother for his son? Or both? It’s not clear.
“Listen to her” is code for your step mom is not a peer.
The way that Jason Mesnick puts it, his future wife will very likely to be a second mom. While he might be the one who makes the rules, she will be expected to enforce them.
If Ty’s future step-mom makes a request — say, asking Ty to brush his teeth or wear a bike helmet — will she be the one to enforce the rules if Ty doesn’t follow them?
And, will she and Jason have agreed on “pre approved” consequences?
We know that blended families can be complicated. We’d love to have Jason clarify exactly what role his future wife will have in Ty’s life.
Your turn:
Will you be watching “The Bachelor” on Monday night?
If you’re part of a blended family — with a boy/girlfriend or fiancee — we’d love to hear if your partner is also an “authority.”
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We have a blended family. I am recently married and we have 3 children between us. We were friends for two years and dated on and off for three years before taking the plunge.
We originally met on the train. We always got on the same car at the same time. The only ones in our midwest city reading the NYT. One day he forgot his paper and asked to borrow a section. It would take a full year of us bantering on the train to become best friends and realize we dropped our girls off at the same daycare, at the same time and days, and that we lived in the same building at one time when we were both married. (Ladies, you just never know where you might meet the love of your life or how long it will take. So hold onto hope and keep your eyes open.)
It was not an easy path, but it was very worth it. My husband has two girls and I have one. Our girls are ages 7, 8 and 10. My husband is an absolute “authority” as am I, but we are not parents to each other’s children. We are both more what Jason described.
We both have to discipline and we have house rules. We both have to be respected in our roles. It does not work otherwise. Especially, when parenting three girls so close in age.
Our relationship is based on our deep friendship, love and admiration for each other. Our relationship is the one thing in our lives is that is not about the kids. It actually has very little to do with our children. We already had co-parents in our exes. We each needed a best friend, lover, and partner for life’s adventures for ourselves. Everything else we do for them.
We were friends for two years and dated for another before we even met each other’s kids formally. It turns out that our girls were friends in daycare and at school unknown to us. We had been each other’s rock and made each other laugh during some very tough times involving our kids and not.
I knew he was a great dad before I saw him in action. Ladies, you always know by his other actions. Who else would surprise me on my first day at grad school at lunch tome so I wouldn’t have to sit by myself when I was just his train friend? Who else, but my now husband would call me at 1am (then his best friend) and ask for help trying to perm. save the “Happy Birthday” voicemail song his daughter left at age 4 because it was about to expire?
Each of our children does have another very active parent. We all had to sit down when we were getting married and agree to rules that would be followed in each and every house. My husband had to become friendly with my ex and I had to become friendly with his. Not only do my husband and I have to respect each other’s authority and roles, but also our exes. The girls needed the consistency as much as we did. They also needed everyone to get along.
My husband and my ex together coach two of our girls soccer team (they each have a child on the team and both girls wanted their dad to coach this year and both could not say no), we all sit together at their school functions and we celebrated our first Christmas all together.
It was not at all an easy process to go through. I could write a book. Probably, why it took us so long to get to marriage. Especially, considering each of our children has a special need. One has celiac disease, one is diabetic and one has hearing loss. We have been partners to each other through each diagnosis. Held hands and each other through the darkest moments. Our exes shared the tears with each of us and made the decisions, but we each lifted each other out of the doom and gloom. No one can make us laugh as hard or have perm-a-grin as each other in a doctor’s office or hospital waiting room.
His girls do not think of me as their mother and I don’t think they should. They do think of me as their dad’s partner and they know I adore them as much as my own daughter. My husband calls me “Bonnie” and used to tell them when we were dating that he was going off to rob the bank so he could buy them breakfast treats.
I am so proud of all three girls. I have the most wonderful children. The most touching moment of our wedding was their very surprising toast to me when they told everyone they were “so happy our dad has found a wii tennis partner, someone to hold his hand and make him dance.” They remembered that I held their father’s hand and cared for him for days as he sat by one of their bedsides in the ICU just a few months before. I was there for him. Their own mother was there for them. As I believe it should have been. I am so happy they have so many people to love them, but they need their mother to be their mother. My daughter needs her father to be her father.
Their mom is a great women who earned her title of “mom” just as I did mine to my daughter. I wouldn’t want my daughter going to another woman for any of her firsts-period, bra, heartbreak, wedding dress shopping, etc.
His girls call me “Bonnie” which means so much to me. Stolen from their father. My daughter calls him, “Guns.” Taken from my nickname for him that developed so many years ago on the train. Our children know how deep our love and friendship run which I think is why they borrow those names.
My poor husband did request his own bathroom when we merged homes. Poor guy surrounded by four of “his gals” and always waiting for someone or trying to get a word in. He is a wonderful man, best friend, love, partner, father, and “authority.”
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
Wow, what an incredibly thoughtful comment. Thank you! I hope you let your husband read this… a tribute to him, you, and your girls!
This post is a gift. Thank you for the time and effort it obviously took to share your wisdom and experience with all of us.
Well, thank ladies! We all have to stick together because once you are a single mom, remarried or not you are forever part of the tribe of awesome single mamas. Have been dying with anticipation for this new bachelor to see how it all goes down.
I would add a few words of advice to those out there dating when it comes to figuring out if he is good dad material. I have two close friends who are both recently remarried and we all concur on this one. If he is divorced with kids, look to see how he talks about the mother of his children. Even if she is crazy, she made babies with him. If he doesn’t show some type of respect just walk out right then and there. We all dated tons of guys and each had the same experience when it came to this.
All of our current husbands had respect for their exes at some level and each one (though sometimes they need a bit of help from us) is an amazing father in his own way. All of us knew it from the start without question and before we met the kids. Each of us took very different paths to remarriage.
We each on our own had to figure out what we needed from a marriage and partner. This is so important. Know what you YOU need to be happy. You are going to have to let your partner know. Your marriage will hopefully last longer than just when you have kids in the house.
That time of becoming friends and dating without kids being involved was very precious to us. Guns and I needed that time to become an us and to know each other as people besides mom and dad. We would not be able to withstand all we have gone through without having had it. We still need time together without our kids. It took us a while to figure out that we still needed to ride the train together every morning.
We went to counseling before getting married to figure out how everything was going to work and expectations. We even had to work out if we were going to get married or just date forever. We had very complicated lives with our children’s health issues and a big age difference. It helped tremendously and I cannot recommend it enough. Of all of our friends who remarried we have had one the best transitions so far of the bunch.
The counselor had us talk about things I never would have thought of. We are two people that always put our kids before ourselves. We had to talk about what life would look like after kids went off to college. Something neither one of us could even envision before. Our wedding gift to each other was purchasing a piece of land on the coast to build a house on after the girls are on their own.
We also all concur that the amount of work it takes to make a blended family happen you just would not do unless your relationship with your man is deeper than Lake Michigan. It has nothing to do with the kids. All the compromising, scheduling with exes, new in-laws, merging and new laundry involved is absolutely insane. I have 3, my bff has 5, other friend has 4 kids now!!!! One day the kids will be gone and you will have each other which is sometimes what makes us get through to the next day
Wait until you are standing between three girls at 7am all screaming at each over who Henry likes more, who burned daddy’s birthday breakfast, whose turn it is to use the shower and why do we have to both be eight years old this year ALL at once. Or my bff who had two Christmas trees to settle three weeks of five bedroom doors slamming over Christmas tree light color preferences and ornaments. ughhh.
Make sure he has mad bedroom skills would of course be the other advice.
What’s with all the long stories.
My live in boyfriend is not an authority to my son, he is a friend.