Comments on: When Dad is a no show

By: rose

rose — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 22:52:36 +0000

Ok my question is what can I do legally, when the ex doesnt show for his court ordered visitations??

We have a parenting plan in place, and he still cant bother to show up for his visits half the time, and usually if i’m even lucky enough to get a phonecall (actually a txt cuz he never calls) its last minute. He goes 3-4 weeks at a time with absolutely no contact with the children. I am absolutely frustrated with the situation.

I can not make any plans because I cant rely on him showing up, and I try not to tell my kids its daddy’s weekend unless i know for a fact hes on his way because seeing the disappointment in their eyes hurts me way to much. So I guess my question is is there a way i can have his visitation rights taken away??? I wish he would be consistent in their life but it looks like thats never going to happen, so I’d rather him stay consistantly out!!! any ideas, information, or suggestions on what to do would be very helpful!!!

By: deborah

deborah — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 04:50:46 +0000

My ex rarely shows up to pick up the kids. He does however find the time to criticize me about how I dress them and such things. Prioritizing is a great thing, isn’t it?
But I have always been honest to my kids and I will continue to do so. I try not to badmouth him (and not to kill him when his (now ex)girlfriend hit my child, leaving him with blue marks)
But they now see the way he is for themselves. The eldest doesn’t want to see him anymore. It’s his choice. I do ask him though, when his dad does decide to come through. Sometimes he goes, because he doesn’t want to miss his little brother.
So my advice is be honest with them and let them know that you are there. You will have to wipe away a lot of tears and gnaw your lips bloody, but sooner or later they will reach their own opinion and decisions. And singlemom’s tip is also great. I also do that sometimes.
I know it looks like I talk easy, but I also know how it feels to have child cling to the hope mommy and daddy will reconcile one day (even with daddy having another child with one woman and now living with another). It’s been three years and my heart bleeds for my babyboy

By: lauren

lauren — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:13:46 +0000

I’m 11 and my dad is really hurtful …. he never comes to see me .
my last memory was when I was two and he just walked in to pick me up, I was playing hide and seek and he didn’t even look for me and left!!!!!!
He said he would come back . Being a kid I thought he was behind the door out side . “Later” wasn’t until 10 years “later”.
If he meant ” See you in TEN YEARS ” H e kept his word. But I doubt it .
I really liked what Honoree said . Thats what my mom says to me .

By: Miriam

Miriam — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:17:00 +0000

I had been going through my divorce for 5yrs.Just last Sept. it was finalized. My ex husband who is 50yrs old took our 15yr old to France on a ski vacation. Just the two of them. (He normally travels with his entourage 31yr old girlfriend & her 7yr old son every where). I thought it was going to be a nice time for my daughter to spend some alone time with her dad. He proceded to tell her he is getting married in June and that she was expected to be in the wedding. My daughter was devistated. She called me when he wasn’t around and told me. I calmed her down and told her he had a right to do what he thought was right for him. My daughter has re-entered therapy after 3 years of no therapy. His inability to be just a dad has made this child so insecure and feeling that she has no dad, that she hates him. I made a decission to move and not make it so easy for him to just “drop by” because of his “work” schedule. I don’t want her hurt any more. This man is a selfish self centered individual who thinks and believes HE comes before anyone including his child. We as primary parents need to do what is necessary to protect our children and help them become confident young adults.

By: April

April — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 20:59:56 +0000

My oldest daughter is going through some serious emotional issues with the latest developments that her dad has disappeared yet again. It's almost like she's mourning a loss. And I'm getting more and more to a point where I think the best thing for her is to never see him again. He'll never be able to provide her with any kind of security, and he just hurts her over and over again. Not that not seeing him ever again will stop the hurt completely, but it would still be better for her to never go through this pain again. April’s last blog post..X Chronicles continued

By: Anna

Anna — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 19:50:26 +0000

My ex decided to move out of the state before the divorce was even official. He has a weekend every month that is “his”, but has never taken advantage of it. He will go 10-12 days before calling. I just don’t tell my son, and that way if his dad doesn’t call, he’s not missing anything. My son is happy enough spending a week with him every other holiday, but we’ll see how long that lasts. I give it less than a year before he can’t afford the travel arrangements or doesn’t have the time.

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 19:15:16 +0000

My heart goes out to all the moms with no-show dads, and the dads with no-show moms. My ex and I both made a conscious choice to co-parent, and stay deeply involved with our kids. So we don’t have this no-show problem on either side.

By: Honoree

Honoree — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 00:39:01 +0000

My daughter’s therapist says this: “Its like being slim. Everybody wants to be slim, most don’t want it enough to actually be slim. Its not that he doesn’t want to see you, its that he doesn’t want it enough to do what it takes to see you. The choices he makes don’t help you to feel good, but they are his choices to make and have nothing really to do with you at all.”

By: Leah Klungness

Leah Klungness — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 19:19:50 +0000

Amy Sue: Definitely not easy stuff. Making the distinction between your choices and the choices your ex makes is an important distinction to make for your kids.

By: Amy Sue Nathan

Amy Sue Nathan — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 19:13:59 +0000

My kids dad always showed up, but he didn’t always make decisions in their best interest. I always said that “grown ups get to make their own decisions” which helped my kids understand that I couldn’t just tell him what to do. I wasn’t “he won’t listen to me” it was more of an understanding that he was making choices, and that they wouldn’t always agree, and neither would I. Not easy stuff.