Update: Nadya Suleman, please put your kids up for adoption
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Single Moms, Tips & Advice
Nadya Suleman turns down free child care…. Say what?
Here’s the latest: What? No reality TV show?
Nadya Suleman says “no” to an offer for free 24-hour child care.
Nadya, aka “The Octomom” — mother of 14 IVF conceived children — has officially passed on an offer of free 24-hour nursing care for her kids by the nonprofit group Angels in Waiting.
The group’s founder said that Nadya seemed to lose interest in their offer after they ruled out her request to do a reality show around her children’s care.
Additionally, Angels in Waiting lawyer Gloria Allred said she filed a request for an investigation with Los Angeles Child and Family Services into how Suleman will care for her children.
At MomLogic, Dr. Leah asks if Nadya Suleman will ever “have sex again — ever?
Or go on a date? Or chat with a girlfriend? Will she ever separate herself from her children? Other needs — like food, water, sleep — will trump sexual desire.”
The New York Post reported on Sunday that Nadya Suleman is now dishing that she has been “dateless” since before the birth of her oldest child — age 7– and she plans to go dateless/sexless until the octuplets are off to college. We’re not surprised.
Why would anything in this woman’s life be remotely close to normal?
The Post further reported that scrutiny of Octomom has intensified. Dr. Carole Lieberman, a Southern California psychiatrist, filed a complaint with child-protective services against this single mom with 14 kids.
Dr. Lieberman told the New York Post that “The best thing would be for [the eight babies] to be adopted straight from the hospital, rather than being allowed to go home and be in real danger.”
That’s what we urged right from the beginning.
~~~~
Here’s our open letter to Nadya Suleman, single mom of the newborn octuplets and six more kids at home:
Dear Nadya,
We’re following your story, sadly and reluctantly. It’s painful to hear a fellow single mom described as loony, irresponsible, and mentally unstable.
Revelations about you are fueling a media frenzy: your statements that you receive no public assistance are lies. You have been receiving food stamps. Three of your “first kids” also get federal supplemental security income because they have special needs. Medical costs for the care of your newborn babies are estimated in the millions of dollars. Your fertility doctor is under ethical scrutiny.
You’re unemployed with no real prospects. Your plans to complete your education are completely unrealistic.
Your parents look exhausted, frail, and emotionally drained from the burden of caring for your six kids. Your parents are also openly critical of your decision to seek further infertility treatment. It is unrealistic to think they will help you with eight tiny newborns or even continue to care for your other kids.
Pictures of your home showed chaos, disorder, and filth.
Apparently, one man fathered – provided sperm – for the IVF. Who knows what responsibility, if any, he will assume for the care of these kids?
The media is notoriously fickle. This week, you are the Today Show “big interview” – and you’ve been featured in newspapers and across the web internationally. Tomorrow may be quite another story.
Your publicist is already fighting rumors that you have had plastic surgery to resemble Angelina Jolie. Who knows? But, this kind of buzz won’t promote your image as “just a mom who loves kids.”
Your mega pregnancy is beginning to sound like a publicity scheme. Except that you now have eight fragile lives in the balance and six more helpless kids at home.
Was all this just about getting your own reality show?
As single moms, we pride ourselves on encouraging other single moms. But we think this is really pathetic.
We have never suggested that a single mom give up her kids for adoption. But we’ve never “met” a woman like you before.
This is why we’re pleading with you: Act unselfishly for your kids. Forget the Angelina Jolie wannabe fantasy.
Use this media blitz to place your newborns with families who can care for each one with the love, tenderness, and attention each baby desperately needs and deserves. We suggest open adoption, of course. And with families who will live close by each other and are committed to nurturing brother/sister bonds.
Of course, you will always be their mother and hold that special place.
Put the needs of your kids first – this is what your kids deserve.
And, isn’t that what loving mothers are supposed to do?
P.S. Do you think you’re Angelina Jolie?
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Here, here. I couldn’t agree more. Sounds harsh but sheesh – this woman is bonkers.
I really feel sad for her kids, those babies, the donor and her family that she has so selfishly dumped all this on.
Bravo for saying what the Today Show wants to say. From what I’ve heard, the donor is freaking out right now. I’d say his reaction is a normal one. She is krazy and the tax payers will pay for this for years. Here’s a suggestion – Let the fertility doctor support her and the 14 kids.
She’s totally irresponsible.
She will not give up a single one of those children unless she is forced to. She must cling to them, even if it means destroying them, in order to maintain the level of narcissism that she nurtures. That is the only thing she is really mothering. (And Angelina ain’t far behind her!)
So, you think the children should be separated from one another and their other siblings? I agree, the woman is bonzo. But splitting up the kids to 14 different families is not the answer. What’s done is done. She needs to get a job and enlist serious volunteers to help her. If she falls apart forced to give up her 8, what on earth will happen to the 6?
The woman needs serious help. I can’t believe the fertility doctor could be so irresponsible and I hope the doctor’s license is revoked.
I don’t know about splitting up the kids but I won’t be surprised to see them removed from the home by social services. That would mean foster homes and a long drawn out process of having parental rights removed. I’d rather see her find good adoptive homes now and avoid that.
AmySueNathan: Actually, not 14 different families.
Reports indicate that four of the octuplets are two sets of identical twins. Our thought was open adoption in six homes keeping the identical twins together. Her six “older kids” belong with her, if she can care for them and keep them safe. Three of these kids reportedly have special needs. Open adoption means regular contact with their siblings and with their birth mother.
Get a job – of course, but who realistically would hire her? How would she work outside the home and coordinate an army of volunteers?
Twitter @ http://tsquest.blogspot.com
I just don’t know what to say.
*sigh*
We all do our best, right? She is trying to remain calm and yes, perhaps gain some sympathy… we can only hope that those babies feel the unending love she wants to give them.
Narcissistic? Perhaps. Most of us do what we think will make us feel better, no?
We aren’t having the experience of being her… she may surprise all of us.
I agree with T that she may surprise us, but on exactly what, I’m not sure. It could be a positive outcome, OR negative. I think in her heart and mind she doesn’t find anything wrong with her actions because as she says, she genuinely loves and is totally committed to her children. Still, it is selfish to have all of them knowing that she isn’t adequately prepared to take care of them. Something has to be wrong with her psychologically, so I’m hoping with all my heart that it turns out ok…
Sighhh…She has a public relations and marketing group already under contract and creating a website to solicit donations. That should give some idea as to her motivation. I also noticed that none of the comments were visible to visitors. I wonder how many positive comments she has received.
I’m reading all your comments and thinking the exact same thought as Legal Editor Mom . . .I just pray this turns out okay.
chai_girl: Just noticed the web site, too.
The comments will be . . .let’s just say not so positive.
You know, it’s people like this who make the rest of us single parents look bad. Seriously.
Lady, love your kids – by finding them good homes where they will be adequately cared for.
This is insane.
The thing I’m most worried about are those kids…that they’re going to be taken care of in all of this.
Here is my two cents.
I firmly believe all women should have a choice. She deserves the right to choose how many babies she wanted to risk having. I don’t agree with her choice, but I think it becomes very risky territory to take away her right to choose. It’s fundamental to who we are in this society.
So, let her choose to have eight embryos implanted. But, with choice comes responsibility. The moment she shows that she is unable to fundamentally care for the children…pluck em.
If you can’t live up to your end of the responsibility you presented yourself with when you made your choice, each child should be given to a family who is ready and willing to provide love, stability and the material things necessary to give them the best chance of life. There are so many responsible childless adults out there just waiting and praying for such an opportunity.
And…I saw on one of the shows yesterday the inside of her home. Did anyone else?
By the looks of what I saw, it won’t take long to be determined an unsanitary, detrimental environment. Let’s just say, I would not want to take my shoes off in the house.
And, I think no one should be over at her website sending her money.
I believe she has serious mental health issues. The doctor who implanted the embryos should be brought up on charges.
Any single mother knows the challenges of raising a child or children alone under the best of circumstances.No thought was apparently given to what is needed to raise and nurture that many children. She seems to be in this for herself,the children are means of garnering attention. As far as sending her money, I would have doubts that the children would benefit from it. This is all about her. If as she says she just loves kids, she would never have done this.
I would love to adopt some of the octuplets!!! My husband and I have a 2.5 year old beautiful girl who we adopted at birth. She is so wonderful and we definitely want more children. I am a stay-at-home mom and can care for these children. I really hope this mother does what is best for these children. Every child deserves a mother AND a father and deserves to be well cared for. These poor innocent children that are brought into this world and denied having a father in their life.
I think Nadya is a poorer version of Jolie – they are both narcissistic (and thus poor mothers). One is low functioning, the other high.
Takes one to know one – Nadya chose the correct mirror…
These babies are NOT up for grabs! She does NOT need to give them up for adoption! You people are sick, sick, sick!!! God gave her these babies AND not only did he give her six that the dr. put in PLUS he gave her two more! The chances are SO slim for that to accure!!!
Everyone, come on admit it! If you had the money you would have done it too! Who needs a man to have a family?! She took charge of her fertility! And she made it happen! Kuddos to Nadya!!!!
She made a poor choice, BUT other people should not have to pay for it! The eight should be put up for adoption from the hospital. Keep the six with her, try to get her mental counseling for her sake and the six. It will be heartbreaking to give up the eight, but they do not have a chance with her. Who thinks that manicures, pedicures and Starbucks is okay when you are facing foreclosure, $50,000 in debt and 14 children to raise and care for? Where does she get the money? On Insider her house is a pigsty and she has hired a nanny who looks questionable! Where does the money come from? Get over her and think of her children. Social Services will fail miserably if they do not step in to assist those children.She had a choice for fertility, perhaps the doctor should support all of them! Who knows, mayby he was the donor. Just a thought that he would like to help her with her fantasy, “The Old Woman in the Shoe had so many children she didn’t know what to do.”
To the lady that thinks God gave her these extra 8 babies and we are sick to suggest adoption. You need a reality check. All the money in the world can’t give these children the care, attention, love and nurturing they need and deserve. Not from this one person. Her chilfren won’t know what a mother is, their relationship will be with stranges (volunteers) so it isn’t a question of Maternal rights anymore.It is a question of human rights.These children have the right to be put in loving homes with parents that can give them attention. God did not intend for people to take invitro fertilization to such a degree. She should have stopped with the 6 she already had from invitro fertilization. God means for us to love our children and society and to show some responsibility.
To the lady that commented about the lady who said God gave her 8 babies. Well, first of all if you knew anything about God, you would know that He gave us a free will. He gave us a free will and also consequences to go along with it. He especially says in the bible that He loves the little children. Yes, I think she should get some help for her babies, considering the fact that they are so frail, but I don’t think that anyone has the right to sugesst, recommend, or comment about giving up her babies for adoption. They are not puppies to be given away and seperated. I think that we should have compassion, and remember how much she has given her time and sacrifice to society for helping those in the mental institution where she was severly physically injured by a patient. She was committed to helping those who could not help themselves. why Not have some compassion and help her?
Nadya, makes me sick to my stomach. I am 36 years old, have been trying to get pregnant for 12 years. My husband and I have tried fertility treatments and nothing takes. It has cost us thousands of dollars. To think that someone like you who can not take care of the 6 children you already have go out and get fertility treatments again to have 8 more babies. There is no way one person who does not have a job can handle so much. Your children needs lots of love and affection.