Your kids and Chris Brown?
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under Dating
Important Update:
Chris Brown was among the four fave-rave nominees for best male singer at the 2009 Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards, which will be announced on March 28.
Brown was nominated by kid viewers long before his indictment, and fortunately, Brown has withdrawn from the Nickelodeon’s Awards yesterday because of the controversy.
What do you think?
~~~
If you haven’t yet heard, Rihanna, the “Umbrella” star, has reportedly forgiven R&B singer Chris Brown after he allegedly beat her following a pre-Grammy Awards party in Hollywood on February 8.
When we saw the shocking pictures leaked by TMZ — showing her facial injuries — we looked away.
Following the assault, Rihanna reportedly stayed with Chris at Sean “Diddy” Combs’ home in Florida — and they flew back to LA together. This week in LA, Chris Brown will see if the police intend to press charges him. Even if the police do file charges — and then Rihanna chooses not to press the charges — a guilty conviction would be far less likely. Reports are that Rihanna will not press charges.
So, here’s our plea to Rihanna:
Dear Rihanna,
We empathize with any woman — or man — who has been a victim of intimate partner violence.
We’re sorry that this has happened to you.
We know that victims of intimate partner violence suffer more than physical injury. Abusers need to feel in charge of the relationship. Humiliation, isolation, and intimidation are ways abusers seek power and control.
The media attention and constant speculation must make your situation especially difficult.
We understand that you are only 21 years old.
Of course, we hope that you focus on your own needs and keep yourself safe and sane.
But, frankly, with fame comes responsibility: our kids are watching your every move intently.
Reuniting with Chris Brown sends the clear message that you plan to forgive and forget the violence inflicted on you and stay with Chris.
As it stands, your message to your legion of “tween” fans is this: if a boy hits or punches you, it’s really okay as long as the guy says he’s sorry and treats you nicely on your birthday?
Say what? For many of our kids, this is their first exposure to intimate partner violence, and they’re taking it pretty hard.
We’re asking you: what do we tell our kids who are upset and worried about you?
We’re very concerned that this was not the first violent incident and it won’t be the last.
~~~
When it was announced that you were back with Chris Brown,” a young man on Twitter asked, “Do we have another Whitney tragedy in the making?”
Doesn’t it scare you even a little bit that many of your fans foresee inevitable tragedy?
As experts, we know that abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They blame their abusive and violent behavior on an unhappy childhood, a career setback, and even on the victims of their abuse.
We’re worried that you’re back with Chris Brown because he has managed to convince you that what happened was your own fault.
Likely, Chris is on his best behavior — for now. This incident has cost him big time.
He has been dropped from the advertising campaigns for Wrigley’s gum and the Milk Mustache. His advisers fear that his career could be devastated, if Chris is found guilty.
Rihanna’s spokesman refused to comment on reports that the singer is pregnant.
Please listen to us.
Los Angeles has many highly qualified psychologists with specialized training and experience working with women who have been victimized by intimate partner violence.
Find someone with whom you feel comfortable and can trust to help you sort out what has happened. Don’t allow anyone to convince you that a Dr. Phil interview or other media “tell all” is going to help you.
It won’t. It will just exploit you further.
Plainly said, please get the psychological help you need to survive.
We care about what happens to you.
Readers, are you with us here?
Photo of Rihanna from PRphotos.com
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I would like to start this with a little disclaimer. I personally do not follow Hollywood at all. I normally do not comment on any Hollywood type blogs or anything because of that fact but this topic is too important to not comment…
What are the statistics about women going back to their abusers? I’d care to bet it is pretty high. So this wouldn’t be a shocker statisticly speaking, would it?
If she does go back to him I think we need to use this to explain to our daughters that “love” can make people do stupid things. That no matter what your heart says sometimes you need to do the hard thing which isn’t always follow your heart. It may seem confusing because sometimes people say follow your heart and in some instances that is right but in others it isn’t. Daughters need to know that even “just once” is NOT okay. It is super hard and many woman are blinded by love and fear and many women go back to men who hit them. Others never leave them and feel like its their fault and are ashamed to even tell anyone. I believe that going beyond just the typical “a man is never suppose to hit a woman.” statement might give her more strength in a situation like that God forbid she is ever in one.
However, my daughter is just a preschooler I will not be having this convo quite yet.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
This is such a sad story and she is so young. I know it can be difficult to leave an abusive relationship. As you pointed out there are other types of abuse that play on the vicitims insecurities and keep her put – or going back.
The responsibility she has to her fans compounds an already tough situation. Hopefully she will follow your advice and get some help and support.
MindyMom’s last blog post..Finding Peace
Twitter @ canadianbaldguy
I’ve never laid a violent hand on a woman in my life, and while I’ve gotten very angry in the past I’ll never understand the narcissistic need for a man to hit a woman. It’s a power trip…and it’s disgusting.
If it was a one-time slap across the face and Brown declared that he was going to anger management therapy, then MAYBE I could understand Rihanna going back.
But she had the living crap PUNCHED out of her. She was absolutely brutalized. I cannot for the life of me understand why any woman would want to re-enter a situation like that.
At the end of the day, though, the decision is ultimately hers to make. And regardless of whether or not she’s a role model or that millions of fans look up to her, she has to make whatever decision that SHE wants to make…not the general public.
Canadian Bald Guy’s last blog post..Confessions from a cubicle
There’s only one person who can save Rihanna now, and that’s Judge Judy
coffee’s last blog post..Copper Star Coffee (Phoenix, AZ)
Twitter @ http://datingadvicealmostdaily.wordpress.com
Rihanna-
This situation is only going to get worse. Get. Out. Now.
I have two daughters, ages 14 and 12, and I am telling them every day that if a man deliberately hurts you, he has to go.
Their father tells them, “If a man hits you, he doesn’t love you. He hates you.”
I hope they’re listening to us and not watching you.
Please get the help you deserve and so desperately need.
Terry’s last blog post..Dating for Two Years, She Doesn’t Know if She Should Marry Him
Rhianna,
I can’t even imagine going through this in the public eye. I’ve experience domestic abuse, and it was able to hide it for a long time. Being a celebrity, its near to impossible to hide anything about yourself, and I completely sympathize.
I brushed over my experiences like they were nothing, and only recently have started to deal with them. Please don’t make the same mistake I did. You are too important to us. Our daughters idolize you. Celebrities are American royalty, and they carry the same weight on our popular opinions. We can’t let our daughters think its ok to allow domestic violence continue.
Please don’t go back to that asshole. I for one have deleted all his songs off my playlists. I wish I could do more to show my utter disgust at how he treated you.
Hanna’s last blog post..In defense
Twitter @ aprilabtbalance
While I was lucky enough to not be physically abused, I experienced a lot of emotional abuse in my marriage to a drug addict that is the answer to the question: “Why did you stay with him so long?” And why I know that she has to feel strong enough to believe that she can live without him before she can leave him for good. Therapy would definitely help her get there faster.
April’s last blog post..X Chronicles continued
This is exactly my thoughts. I hosted an entire episode on my radio show about domestic violence and interviewed NeNe Leakes (a survivor) from Real Housewives of Atlanta and I also had a few non-profits.
The problem that I had was that no one was talking about how this affects our children. I asked the quesion, “what do I say to my children now?” who adore these to idols. They’ve been on Nick and Disney and they are role models to many.
Please tune into the show at http://radio.thecocktailcafe.com. I’d love to know your thoughts.
Great article by the way.