Why bad mouthing fathers online is a bad idea
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under Single Dads, Single Moms
Surely, you’ve noticed this lately online: there has been A LOT of controversial bad-mouthing of fathers.
Interestingly, readers’ comments have highlighted the fact that the single parent community needs to protect our kids. We all agree that kids get hurt when one parent bad-mouths the other.
We also know that, someday, our kids will go online and read our blog entries about our exes — as well as any nasty comments we might leave.
This is why I’m confused: if bad-mouthing fathers in a public forum is not healthy, why do we keep doing it?
Of course, I chatted with Dr. Leah — aka The Sanity Fairy™ — to understand this contradictory blogging trend better.
Here’s what Dr. Leah says:
Bad-mouthing your kid’s father is destructive to your child.
All of it: the name-calling, the derisive nicknames, and the endless recitations of his inadequacies. Kids quickly learn that no matter how involved Dad is — or isn’t – they are still “half that person.”
If Mom persists in bad-mouthing Dad, kids must cope with thinking of themselves as “half liars” or “half irresponsible jerks” or “half lazy dead beats.” Coping with the “bad half” dilemma is an enormous developmental challenge for kids.
On top of social pressures, academic demands, and all the rest, kids will be haunted by doubts about their self worth based on what they hear Mom say.
~~~
You might know that both Dr. Leah and I had quite traumatic experiences with the fathers of our children.
We have plenty we could say in public about them. But we don’t.
So, why do other parents — who are clearly loving and responsible – continue to bad-mouth their kids’ dads?
We understand the need to have a place to vent. Many of us are caught in a “perfect storm” of broken relationships, legal system snafus and catch-22’s, and economic woes.
So, here you are, sitting at the computer screen while the kids are asleep or pleasantly occupied, clicking away. You might feel like you’re chatting with trusted friends.
Blogging — and commenting — often feels like chatting behind closed doors.
It’s not.
Even if you leave a negative comment on a blog about your ex, your kids can find it and read it. Sure, you might be anonymous, but your babies will one day be tech-savvy and literate. And they’ll have friends with those same skills.
Indeed, anonymous blogging is an oxymoron, don’t you think?
We’d like to know your thoughts:
Do you rely on blogs — writing a blog, or commenting on them — to face what the world throws at you, so that you’re better able to take care of your kids?
We admit that maybe we’re way off here.
Is blogging far more private than we perceive?
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I would never consider anything I do online to be private. You would have to go to some pretty hefty technical hoops to achieve any level anonymity. If you are fighting a court battle these days, expect to have your blogging/facebook/myspace activity subpoenaed. If there is enough interest and evidence traction, then they may be able to subpoena your hard drive, and at that point VERY little can be hidden.
The Internet runs on advertising, and for that they need to track not just visits, but how many, from what regions, what particular ISPs, gathering cookie information, etc. Advertising drives it, and advertising demands these statistics and capabilities to keep pumping the dollars into the sites. Google is forever too, so once you put something on the Internet in any form, Google may have all or part of it for a very long time.
As a general rule, don’t say anything that you are not comfortable saying to someone’s face, or saying in court. Always be professional or mature in your statements. It is a good general rule at work too. I recently sent an email to a manager complaining about some guidance and tasking that we were given and in my rush to get it out I left the individuals on the email carbon copy. It is only because I remained professional and objective (mostly) in my comments that it didn’t turn out to be a big problem.
My son knows how to find my blog. He learned on his own when he was in fourth grade, through Google. My whole family reads it, I have many friends that read it, and many co-workers have found it too. It is a great way to keep everyone updated on what is going on in my life day to day (I like it better than twitter or facebook), but I know that I can’t use it like a diary or really open up there. I rely on these forums to do that a little more. Because I use the same persona, even these comments are easily found.
It is a great community to share ideas and lessons learned with. Being open, but mature, about our problems and experiences can enable us to exercise that near uniquely human trait of being able to learn from the experiences of others. It makes me feel much less of an outsider or an outcast and much more comfortable with who I am being in the situation I am right now.
I have mixed feelings about this one. I understand what y’all are saying and you make a very good point. On the other hand, I’ve said this before but at the time I discovered the single parent blogs, I was at the lowest point of my life. Logically, I knew that other people had been through what I was going through, and yet I felt completely alone in the world. I had seen other women dealing with this, but they dealt with it so well. They held it all together. They weren’t feeling what I was feeling. They weren’t having the thoughts that I was having. I was falling apart. Then suddenly I found these single parent blogs and I realized that other people were thinking and feeling the same things. Some of them were handling it better than others, but I was not alone. As lame as it sounds to say it, it really was the beginning of a slow turnaround for me. Had I not found these blogs, and made the friends that I’ve made through them, I’m honestly afraid of what I might have done or where I might have gone.
I started my blog because I wanted a place to vent those feelings that I couldn’t talk about with anyone in real life, as a place to ask for advice and support from people who are going through the same thing, and on the off chance that someone else who was going through what I did might read it and find the same hope that I did.
I chose to blog anonymously because I didn’t want anyone in my real life to know about it. Not my ex, my mom, my kids, no one. If I had one single real life friend that I could talk about these things with, I might not have needed to blog. If anyone who knows me stumbled onto my blog (which probably wouldn’t be too difficult if they were nosy) they would recognize me right away but I feel somewhat comfortable that they won’t go to the effort and if they do, then they deserve what they find.
If my children find my blog someday, I will have some serious explaining to do. It is something that I have thought about, and I’m torn.
I think that bad-mouthing the Ex is not the only problem. Obviously that’s bad, but even having those thoughts about him is bad for the children. Whether I say it or not, they can tell what I think about him. Blogging does give me an outlet to vent those frustrations and let go of them (as much as possible anyway). It’s better than keeping it inside and letting it fester which the children would definitely know. I could journal, but a written journal kept in my house would be more likely to be discovered by the kids than my blog (at least at this point).
I don’t know what the answer is. I just know that I am so grateful for the bloggers who do open up their deepest thoughts and share…a lot of good can come from it. You’re right though, a lot of harm could be done as well. The question is, does the risk outweigh the benefit? I don’t know. I know quite a few bloggers who have experienced their exes finding their blogs, their current love interests finding their blogs, even employers…I don’t know anyone who has experienced their children finding something they shouldn’t. When that happens, it might be enough to put some of us over the edge. Either way, it’s definitely something to think about.
Wondermom’s last blog post..Kind of cheesy
Twitter @ aprilabtbalance
I’ve always been cognizant of the fact that my kids may read what I write someday. There are many things about the girls that I do not say online, but I don’t consider what I’ve said about my ex to be badmouthing, but being honest about who he is. Which I do with my kids as well. I’m sure there will be some things that I’ve said through blogging that my kids will not like, but blogging is my outlet, and I do it for not only me, but for the other single moms out there that could use knowing that someone else gets it.
April’s last blog post..Happy Single Parents’ Day
April: Blogging as an outlet …totally understand the need to have somewhere to express how you truly feel. It’s very comforting and empowering to know that other people do “get” what’s happening in your life.
Wondermom: Thank you as always for your thoughtful and generous comment.
Circumstances and luck play such a big part in all our lives. Sometimes we’re just in a “different place” than our friends. As you pointed out . . .”if you had one single real life friend” you may have not chosen to blog. When I became a single mom, I didn’t even know another single parent. All my friends were reportedly happily married . . .of course, now … not so much. The single parent blogging community surely provides much practical advice, solace, and comfort.
Crazy Computer Dad: Much appreciation for your generous and thought provoking comment. I am still digesting the information you shared. And I am also aware of the potential legal complications involving blogging when child custody is at stake. Your son discovered your blog when he was 9 years old – wow! These kids are so tech savvy. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and perspective.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
Personally I think what we write about our exes in our blogs is more their responsibility than ours. By this I mean; it is their acts and deeds and my thoughts about them that get written about in my blog (when I write about them). I don’t consider it “badmouthing” to share my experiences as it relates to them.
A man that rarely sees his child and fights paying child support is a deadbeat dad. It’s a fact, not an accusation or even name-calling but a term used to describe the man. If he wants a more positive representation from me then HE should change his behavior instead of ME editing what I write about him.
Why, oh why must EVERYTHING be the responsibility of the single mom? When is the father going to be accountable for anything?
I certianly will not gloss over the truth just because maybe one day my kids might read my blog. By then they will probalby know the truth anyway. This doesn’t mean I bash my kids fathers in my blog, I just that I tell it like it is while being cognizant that ANYTHING I say (or write) can and will be used against me. To what end though? Who does THAT serve?
MindyMom’s last blog post..Wanted: Time & Energy
I believe we, as parents and individuals must take care of ourselves in order to be efficient in the totality of our lives. There are many ways I do that. One is blogging. It is me time, time to process, vent, share, seek validation/support.
That is so important in the big picture for me.
My son may find the things I have said about his father. They are not the worst of the worst by any means. I think they are more matter of fact statements. The way I look at it is that by the time he is old enough to care enough to be looking and know how to find it, he will hopefully be old enough to process it appropriately. In the meantime, I keep the lines of communication wide open.
I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment about not sharing anything negative with him. I would not insult 50% of his DNA make up out loud to him.
This again is my way of caring for me. I would question the legal issues raised also. It would seem to me that you would have to write something really, really bad such as wanting to kill your ex and then him/her ending up dead before it would really be of significance. I know the courts don’t want to concern themselves with trivial, everyday matters such as a rant on a blog.
Just my two cents…
won’s last blog post..All’s well that end well!
Twitter @ http://www.ptlawmom.com
I kind of agree with Wondermom. My blog started off to be something completely different and has kind of turned into a place for the rawest of feelings. I have to hold it together most of the time — for my son, at work, for my parents, etc. But the blog gives me an outlet to cry, to share, to seek feedback on this crazy rollercoaster ride of post-divorce emotions. Some days I feel like I am losing my mind and I just want to scream. I can’t lay in a ball in the corner so I blog…
I don’t usually say mean things about my ex-husband and I don’t usually involve my immediate family members in the blog, at least not in detail.
PT-LawMom’s last blog post..Such a Loser
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
Mindy Mom: I really appreciate how you often ask us to reexamine situations like this from another angle. You’re so good at that!
Yes, stating facts — i.e., like the fact that a father doesn’t visit his child — might be different than actual name-calling.
Thanks for this: “Why, oh why must EVERYTHING be the responsibility of the single mom? When is the father going to be accountable for anything?”
Won: I am certainly not an attorney, but this is what I have been told about blogs and custody cases by matrimonial attorneys.
When custody is an issue, one of the criteria the Court uses to determine which custody arrangement is in the child(ren)’s best interest is which parent will better foster a relationship with the other parent. So, a parent who is blogging about the other parent’s inadequacies, even simply sharing the facts, could be at a distinct disadvantage, especially if the other parent has no similar online activity.
Another thing to keep in mind is that judges, as a group, tend to be older and conservative. Likely, they are not on Facebook and do not blog.
Just as a side note, Sandra Day O’Connor, a retired Supreme Court judge, recently founded a web site. This is considered ground breaking by many in the legal community.
This seems to be the safest bet. If you are involved in a contentious divorce/custody battle or, perhaps, anticipate custody issues arising in the future, do make sure your attorney is aware of the full extent of your online activities.
Regarding a blog being used against you in court, I would actually be more concerned about some of the other things single parent bloggers write about than name calling between exes. For instance, if a parent is blogging openly about their sex life, depression, emotional struggles, whatever, I could see a vindictive ex twisting that around more easily than negative statements about the ex. I’m not an expert on the legal process, but if I were a lawyer, I know what things in my own blog that I’d latch on to and it always surprises me when I see bloggers discuss those things without any pretense of anonymity. If I were a judge, I think I could overlook “griping” about the ex more easily than I could overlook a parent who blogs that they picked up a stranger online and snuck him into the house after the kids were asleep, or even a parent who blogs that they’re completely overwhelmed and falling apart emotionally, drinking heavily, etc.
As for whether a blog could be used in court at all, I have no idea. I do know that when we thought we were going to do things contested, Ex’s lawyer sent me a list of documents for discovery. Among other things, he asked for all calendars I’ve kept for the past 3 years, any diaries or journals I’ve kept, and copies of “any personal correspondence” between me and any other person for the past 3 years. My attorney said that we would fight it, but we wound up not going that route so I don’t know how it would have played out. If they could subpoena diaries and journals and use those against me, I would guess that a blog would be fair game.
It’s a sad state of affairs all the way around.
Wondermom’s last blog post..Feeling blonde today!
No one reads or even knows about my blog. I use it to vent. I’m in no way concerned this could come back to bite me. My ex couldn’t even bother to hire a lawyer or even show up in court. He will never fight me for custody, and barely sees his son as it is. I know this will never be a legal issue. As for my son seeing it, I don’t think he ever will, and if he does, I agree with the other posters that he will probably be older, and therefore better able to process it for what it is.
Dr. Leah, you make a very good point here “When custody is an issue, one of the criteria the Court uses to determine which custody arrangement is in the child(ren)’s best interest is which parent will better foster a relationship with the other parent. So, a parent who is blogging about the other parent’s inadequacies, even simply sharing the facts, could be at a distinct disadvantage, especially if the other parent has no similar online activity.”
It was one of the main points last time we were in court. Ex got a slap on the wrist for now… but the judge was disgusted with him. She yelled and screamed at him then wagged her finger at me and told me that if any of it continued I was ordered to file a motion. She even spelled it all out in our CO the Children’s Bill of Rights among other things. My ex actually tried to fight to leave those parts out because after all “those are common sense” no, those are contempt motions if you don’t quit the games.
I do have online outlets that I speak about my custody situation and my ex but it normally isn’t my blog. I am involved in a very small, very private forum for one thing.
Anytime I put in writing anything that could be brought up in any proceeding I ask myself is this something I would want the judge to read? If the answer is yes then I proceed, if it is no then I take a step back and try to figure out how to get that outlet in a different way (until such time my daughter is graduated and the custody order is null). A different way could mean just re-wording things a bit or contacting another person I know will understand privately. I keep documentation myself… normally if I’m talking about him it is something I need to document anyway and keep a running log or recap of whatever it was.
Kari’s last blog post..Overwhelmed!
This is a very difficult topic. If one were dealing with a custody issue that could get nasty – then the blog may need to wait or take a backseat. I am all for venting – but if the ex in question is indeed a monster – I wouldn’t want to risk losing my child to him.
On the other hand, I didn’t have to fight for Sadie (not yet at least). He never read the blog when we were married and I highly doubt he reads it now. Yet, I do believe that bashing him is a bad idea because he remains to be her father and part of where she came from.
Having said all of that – the truth is the truth. He left us. He doesn’t pay support, he makes our lives miserable when he pops back in. I try to say it delicately. And I often try to make sense of his horrible behavior – as much for her as for myself. Not to justify it – just to accept it as the reality. I am pretty sure that I am just as hard – if not harder on myself in my blog. And I know that I am definitely MORE honest about my flaws than his. Poor kid, she probably will think she really got the short stick by drawing both of us as parents! But I am willing to be truthful about my own shortcomings.
I had parents who shared tons of details of their marriage, divorce, and remarriage. It was too much. So – yeah – after writing all of this – I am still torn.
Amy’s last blog post..Journal 126: March 2009 A Long Day
It really saddens me that there are apparently so many “bad” fathers out there. Bad enough to get blogged about on a regular basis. Bad enough that blog topics about bashing them online are created. Wow…
For me, it kills me not to see my kids every day. I see them twice and week and every other weekend. I talk to them daily. I can’t imagine a man, a real man, a father, not wanting to be an active part of his children’s lives. Maybe I live with blinders on, but it leaves me dumbfounded when I read so many stories on these blogs about how some fathers act in regards to their children and their ex.
I know this response is fairly off topic at this point, but the theme of this post just got me thinking.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
Bill: Your response is NOT off topic at all.
I think I can speak for all single moms that we more than welcome comments from devoted, loving, reliable fathers. Thanks!
Twitter @ Singlemomindebt
Regardless of how I feel towards my ex- he is still my child father. that being said, at this point, all he did to contribute was donate sperm. He walked out before our son was born. However, I never bad mouth my ex, in print or to my son, because that is still half of my son. My son is almost 13 years old not and I have never said anything negative about his dad. Actually I do the opposite. I have let my son glorify his father. His dad is a welder- working on commercial boats. I have told my son this. My son has changed this into “he builds boats” & I have even overheard him telling friends when he was little, “I can get my dad to build a boat for us”. I have let him have this. I think the only thing bad mouthing an ex and father (or mother) of your child does is create tension within the child – the child then is scared to talk to you about their parent because it might make you mad… or depending on their age, they might think you don’t like them (the child) if you hate their father (or mother) who is half of them. Just my two cents.
Single Mom’s last blog post..Supplement Your Income
Twitter @ Singlemomindebt
Sorry about the double post. I received an error message, so I resubmitted, not realizing that it actually went through.
Single Mom’s last blog post..Supplement Your Income
My daughter is a bright kid. She gets her dad and sees him for who he is without my having to say word one. I would never underestimate a child’s ability to know what is going on. They don’t need to hear the negative comments. My daughter sees that her dad is who he is. She accepts him for that person. He is not around much, he works a lot, and she loves him and he loves her. I am not a part of that relationship.
I have learned and am learning to remember that his idea of parenting differs from mine. We are vastly different. I love him and accept him for who he is, which means accepting those differences and learning to work with them. Any emotions my daughter oversees or overhears that might be negative about her dad are counterbalanced by the friendship and the working it out that we demonstrate to her. I know that my situation is vastly different than most. It is difficult to overcome negative emotions – and it is a lesson in process for me as I continually come to terms with the life of a full time parent who works etc. For my daughter, it is worth it. Her dad is, despite our differences, a great guy. I want her to love and accept the person he is without dealing with my baggage.
I’ve probably made a few comments my ex wouldn’t want to read. I don’t think I’ve ever said anything that would upset my kids. It is tempting though. My kids love their mom and their relationships are between them and her regardless of how I feel about any of it.
I realized early on that if I just accept that despite the fact we share custody we are each totally responsible for our children my life would make so much more sense.
Now I just do what needs to be done for my kids. I am their father after all. I try not to think about whether or not their mother should have taken care of it. When she does follow through that’s a kind of bonus and I’m grateful. I’m trying to be the father I wish I had and the kind of man I want my son to be when he grows up.
My daughter is 2, so I think it will be a while before she can use a computer. Hopefully by then, her dad will get his life together and my blog won’t be so much like a soap opera.
When I was about 12, I found my mom’s journals. I discovered many things about my parent’s marriage. Things I definitely didn’t want to know about, stuff that traumatized me. I used to vilify my mom for being so hard on my dad, but after I read the things he did, I began to understand her point of view.
I stil love both my mom and dad, and as painful as it was to see what my mom wrote about him, I knew it was the truth, and I did give me perspective on their marriage. Maybe some kids are perceptive, but I was living in a complete fantasy as a child. I didn’t know a lot about my parents, and I’m glad I found out what I did.
I write a letter to my daughter ever year on her birthday. I put it in a box, and when she turns 18, I plan to give it to her. Its a summary of what we did that year, which may or may not include events involving her father. I consider my blog to be similar.
I’m not lying about anything, and I’m fully willing to back it up in court, if he ever gets computer literate enough to find my blog.
Hanna’s last blog post..The Knocked Up Effect
I’m gonna stand with Bill on this topic. I love my kids.. I’ve survived a long and expensive legal battle with one of the ex’s. And even though most thought it was a losing battle..I asked for full custody and was awarded joint with a enormous visitation schedule. (more than the norm) And years later, I have no regrets.
And I’ll admit that when I hear women who bad mouth their ex, I automatically stop listening. It’s a turn off. I can imagine that being a bad dad is such a popular movement about men. I’m sure the bad dads are the minority.
I know too many good fathers who see their kids and it hurts my heart to hear things about other dads that probably destroy the spirit of their kids.
Eathan’s last blog post..What Happened In Here?
A lot of really interesting comments here.
While I don’t spend a lot of time bad mouthing my ex there are plenty of things on my blog that I wouldn’t want my daughter to read.
As far as I know I have complete anonyminity in blog world. I’ve kept it like that for a reason. I want to say whatever I want about anything and not be judged by people in my real life. I also enjoy getting perspective from people who are just judging the words I write, and don’t have multiple layers of my personality to consider.
If you’re involved in legal battles, I could honestly see where a blog would be a bad idea. But I think the statement that no matter what, kids will eventually read what we write, may be innacurate. There are certainly ways to prevent that from happening.
Blogging is a great way to vent and let go of anger, frusteration, disappointment. I’m willing to take the risk as opposed to feeling censured.
Vinomom’s last blog post..Think Summer Thoughts
Twitter @ aprilabtbalance
I ended up answering this question in more detail in my post today, if you’re interested.
April’s last blog post..What’s This Blog About?
Former parents should never bad mouth the other unless to a friend over a glass of wine in the privacy of your own home.
To do it in a way that your child can find out, whether in a blog or in a hushed conversation with her playing in the other room, is unhealthy …. for the child.
When a child gets older, she will see on her own things that do no need to be spoken. When she’s of a certain maturity, when she understands that there are many sides to a story, you may tell her more. Maybe.
Stating the facts in an age-appropriate way is the best way to avoid hurting someone, at the same time that it keeps any passive-aggressive behavior in check.
Kat Wilder’s last blog post..A better way to be happy?
Thanks to the world of twitter, I came across this post. First, I have been a fulltime single father of 3 for over 8 years with no support. This topic is BIG and one of the most difficult for parents to deal with.
To keep it short because I could go on about this, the best advice I ever received was to never, ever rip your ex in front or to your kids. Nothing can be more difficult at times. I realize that some ex-spouse might be the meanest, nastiest,low life on the planet and this might be impossible to do.
But in general, biting your tongue is the best advice. Blogging is out there for the world to see. Your family, kids, their friends, etc. Just my point of view and I tell this to friends of mine that are getting divorced. I was not perfect, but did my best regarding this. It worked for me. My oldest when she was about 14/15(now 21), yelled at me. “Dad, why do you put up with her(ex) treating me that way and taking advantage of you.”
Believe me, I wanted to let loose, (and did to friends in private) but I didn’t.You see, it wasn’t about me, it was about them. It paid off down the road. (hard to be patient I know when your ex is being a major jerk (thought another word
) Today, they get it. They respect me. They are older (17,19,21).
As kids and young teenagers, they are not wired to handle our emotional roller coasters. It might seem like a way to get our kids to like us better, but it is not healthy for them. They have enough to deal with, with peers and being a teenager. Sure we have more open and frank discussions today. They see their mom for who she is and process it. But they are older and we have an adult conversation.
Just my two (maybe three) cents.
Barry’s last blog post..Is Winning An Excuse For Yelling?
Hi,
Just thought I may invoke a little
wisdom here, my ex was bipolar, beat me,took everything away from me, and disowned me and the kids for awhile.
He still bad mouths me to very influential people in the community, and to my daugher, I feel that I should tell my side of the story, otherwise, people will think that I am this terrible horrible monster, which I am not at all. My daughter doesn’t know the half of the problems, and she doesn’t remember some of the ways that he treated her, (too young) I never said what actually happened to her, only just shook my head when she told me some of the things he was saying, told her it wasn’t true. He beat me had affairs, took money, and then wouldn’t give me what he was supposed to in the divorce, and I chose to walk away from a 300,000 home/business also. He also had an affair with a crack addict, and threw me and the kids out of the house so she could move in. I have been called all kinds of names by people here trash, ect, and I assure you that I am not.
In turn this is how I am repaid to be treated like I am scum of the earth by people in this community who don’t know the actual TRUTH. we have now been divorced 10 years, and the abuse still continues thru others and my daughter, my new husband and I will hopefully be leaving this state and the mess behind us. And no I never cheated on him not one time, totally faithful through everything.
Thank you for allowing me to vent.
I don’t believe my ex badmouths me, well not as often as his wife does at least. She gets on a social networking web site and badmouths me and falsely accuses me publicly. My kids know she’s on the site and they can read what she writes. I don’t tell her what I read and I don’t know if she’s aware that I check her site and print all the comments. Basically she wants to claim that she’s such a great mother and I am a piece of junk who doesn’t take care of my kids. Of course it is not true, but if she’s such a great mom and step mom, why does she have to make me look bad to get some approvals from other people? Is she only good because someone else is bad? My kids are smarter than her obviously. They are aware of her intention and are pretending as if they like her. They always ask me if they could stay with me longer and not having to go back to dad’s because of the step mom. I know my kids love their dad but they can’t stand the step mom.
I am a step mother. My husband and his ex have joint custody. But the child is not at all close to his mother.She never spends time with her son. He is 10, so he does voice how he is not comfortable with her. He constantly cries when it is time to go with her. She punishes him for getting close to me. She stated so many times that it IS true that he is not close to her. She also stated she is very insecure about my relationship with her son. She does bad mouth me and my husband online. I wonder if there was a solution to that. I have tried to keep the peace so many times for the sake of the child. But she refuses to speak at all to me. I have constantly told her this… ” I could understand how it many feel to have your child in another home for weeks at a time, so feel free to call me anytime. We need to communicate.” She ignores it. She refuses to even discuss anything about their son with my husband. My husband is a great father, he enjoys every minute with his son. The same goes for me. I got into this marriage knowing this child will always come first and nor do I have any problems with it. I get along wonderfully with this beautiful boy.
Hope: How fortunate for this little boy that you’re in his life. It’s obvious that you love him. The badmouthing online is likely hurtful and is, of course, really not appropriate.