Comments on: Why bad mouthing fathers online is a bad idea

By: Dr. Leah

Dr. Leah — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 23:04:29 +0000

Hope: How fortunate for this little boy that you’re in his life. It’s obvious that you love him. The badmouthing online is likely hurtful and is, of course, really not appropriate.

By: Hope

Hope — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 21:52:33 +0000

I am a step mother. My husband and his ex have joint custody. But the child is not at all close to his mother.She never spends time with her son. He is 10, so he does voice how he is not comfortable with her. He constantly cries when it is time to go with her. She punishes him for getting close to me. She stated so many times that it IS true that he is not close to her. She also stated she is very insecure about my relationship with her son. She does bad mouth me and my husband online. I wonder if there was a solution to that. I have tried to keep the peace so many times for the sake of the child. But she refuses to speak at all to me. I have constantly told her this… ” I could understand how it many feel to have your child in another home for weeks at a time, so feel free to call me anytime. We need to communicate.” She ignores it. She refuses to even discuss anything about their son with my husband. My husband is a great father, he enjoys every minute with his son. The same goes for me. I got into this marriage knowing this child will always come first and nor do I have any problems with it. I get along wonderfully with this beautiful boy.

By: Sara D

Sara D — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 05:48:41 +0000

I don’t believe my ex badmouths me, well not as often as his wife does at least. She gets on a social networking web site and badmouths me and falsely accuses me publicly. My kids know she’s on the site and they can read what she writes. I don’t tell her what I read and I don’t know if she’s aware that I check her site and print all the comments. Basically she wants to claim that she’s such a great mother and I am a piece of junk who doesn’t take care of my kids. Of course it is not true, but if she’s such a great mom and step mom, why does she have to make me look bad to get some approvals from other people? Is she only good because someone else is bad? My kids are smarter than her obviously. They are aware of her intention and are pretending as if they like her. They always ask me if they could stay with me longer and not having to go back to dad’s because of the step mom. I know my kids love their dad but they can’t stand the step mom.

By: Lt

Lt — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 22:33:21 +0000

Hi,

Just thought I may invoke a little
wisdom here, my ex was bipolar, beat me,took everything away from me, and disowned me and the kids for awhile.

He still bad mouths me to very influential people in the community, and to my daugher, I feel that I should tell my side of the story, otherwise, people will think that I am this terrible horrible monster, which I am not at all. My daughter doesn’t know the half of the problems, and she doesn’t remember some of the ways that he treated her, (too young) I never said what actually happened to her, only just shook my head when she told me some of the things he was saying, told her it wasn’t true. He beat me had affairs, took money, and then wouldn’t give me what he was supposed to in the divorce, and I chose to walk away from a 300,000 home/business also. He also had an affair with a crack addict, and threw me and the kids out of the house so she could move in. I have been called all kinds of names by people here trash, ect, and I assure you that I am not.

In turn this is how I am repaid to be treated like I am scum of the earth by people in this community who don’t know the actual TRUTH. we have now been divorced 10 years, and the abuse still continues thru others and my daughter, my new husband and I will hopefully be leaving this state and the mess behind us. And no I never cheated on him not one time, totally faithful through everything.

Thank you for allowing me to vent.

By: Barry

Barry — Fri, 01 May 2009 19:43:49 +0000

Thanks to the world of twitter, I came across this post. First, I have been a fulltime single father of 3 for over 8 years with no support. This topic is BIG and one of the most difficult for parents to deal with.

To keep it short because I could go on about this, the best advice I ever received was to never, ever rip your ex in front or to your kids. Nothing can be more difficult at times. I realize that some ex-spouse might be the meanest, nastiest,low life on the planet and this might be impossible to do.

But in general, biting your tongue is the best advice. Blogging is out there for the world to see. Your family, kids, their friends, etc. Just my point of view and I tell this to friends of mine that are getting divorced. I was not perfect, but did my best regarding this. It worked for me. My oldest when she was about 14/15(now 21), yelled at me. “Dad, why do you put up with her(ex) treating me that way and taking advantage of you.”

Believe me, I wanted to let loose, (and did to friends in private) but I didn’t.You see, it wasn’t about me, it was about them. It paid off down the road. (hard to be patient I know when your ex is being a major jerk (thought another word ) Today, they get it. They respect me. They are older (17,19,21).

As kids and young teenagers, they are not wired to handle our emotional roller coasters. It might seem like a way to get our kids to like us better, but it is not healthy for them. They have enough to deal with, with peers and being a teenager. Sure we have more open and frank discussions today. They see their mom for who she is and process it. But they are older and we have an adult conversation.

Just my two (maybe three) cents.

Barry’s last blog post..Is Winning An Excuse For Yelling?

By: Kat Wilder

Kat Wilder — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:05:48 +0000

Former parents should never bad mouth the other unless to a friend over a glass of wine in the privacy of your own home. To do it in a way that your child can find out, whether in a blog or in a hushed conversation with her playing in the other room, is unhealthy .... for the child. When a child gets older, she will see on her own things that do no need to be spoken. When she's of a certain maturity, when she understands that there are many sides to a story, you may tell her more. Maybe. Stating the facts in an age-appropriate way is the best way to avoid hurting someone, at the same time that it keeps any passive-aggressive behavior in check. Kat Wilder’s last blog post..A better way to be happy?

By: Blogging about your ex | Single Mom Seeking...

Blogging about your ex | Single Mom Seeking... — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 05:21:21 +0000

[...] Especially after Dr. Leah and I recently posted about why bad-mouthing fathers online is destructive. [...]

By: April

April — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 14:13:57 +0000

I ended up answering this question in more detail in my post today, if you're interested. April’s last blog post..What's This Blog About?

By: Vinomom

Vinomom — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 23:53:05 +0000

A lot of really interesting comments here. While I don't spend a lot of time bad mouthing my ex there are plenty of things on my blog that I wouldn't want my daughter to read. As far as I know I have complete anonyminity in blog world. I've kept it like that for a reason. I want to say whatever I want about anything and not be judged by people in my real life. I also enjoy getting perspective from people who are just judging the words I write, and don't have multiple layers of my personality to consider. If you're involved in legal battles, I could honestly see where a blog would be a bad idea. But I think the statement that no matter what, kids will eventually read what we write, may be innacurate. There are certainly ways to prevent that from happening. Blogging is a great way to vent and let go of anger, frusteration, disappointment. I'm willing to take the risk as opposed to feeling censured. Vinomom’s last blog post..Think Summer Thoughts

By: Eathan

Eathan — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 22:50:14 +0000

I'm gonna stand with Bill on this topic. I love my kids.. I've survived a long and expensive legal battle with one of the ex's. And even though most thought it was a losing battle..I asked for full custody and was awarded joint with a enormous visitation schedule. (more than the norm) And years later, I have no regrets. And I'll admit that when I hear women who bad mouth their ex, I automatically stop listening. It's a turn off. I can imagine that being a bad dad is such a popular movement about men. I'm sure the bad dads are the minority. I know too many good fathers who see their kids and it hurts my heart to hear things about other dads that probably destroy the spirit of their kids. Eathan’s last blog post..What Happened In Here?