Not something I was expecting since the doctors told me it would be very hard for me to conceive…now I’m in trouble bc guess what… I don’t know who the father is! so here I was, pregnant at 31, new boyfriend wants to finish his MA and wants to move in with his best mate and my ex wants me to move in with him yet hasn’t divorced his wife…I do the unspeakable…I term. the pregnancy…I actually told him right before I made my mind up, since its been so many years I thought we can “talk” about the situation. But of course this man is like night and day with me…so to wrap this up, he tells some one who then tells some one and it gets back to me, he denies saying any thing then just says he’s back with his wife…so I call her…and I send her pictures with some major details…only to find out (and yes love is blind) that he’s been going back and forth for over 5yrs. now, man was very believable, handsome, conniving and manipulating…I was fooled, deeply in love, stepped on and deceived. My heart aches, I cant sleep and although I started to date some one, I fear I am scared for life. Think deeply with in your self, you may have the feelings that it is love, lust, wanting what ever it is…but check your self! if you put your foot down first and walk away there wont be any heart ache at the end and you will have some one that’s all yours, your own kids, your own husband to complain about and watch over. . .
sadly pathetic…nYc

I was reunited with someone I dated when I was first seperated 16 years ago. He was in the same boat. We were so in love. We wrote poems to each other all the time. He was the Captain and I signed my poems THE DOVE. We were the same person in different bodies. What a love. He then had a SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE and his priest told him to go home and make it work with his low self esteem wife who knew about the whole thing and how in love he was with me……..he went back…he had a 4 year old and 6 year old…16 years later we met again at a restaurant…..he stole me away from my friends and told me he still loved me deeply and there was not a day that he did not think about me. His kids were older now. He finally left his wife and started legal proceedings……..well, four months into our relationship he was diagnosed with sarcoma cancer…..I took him through his first chemo treatment…..I was his nurse basically and he hated seeing me this way…..his tumor was in his arm and spreading all over……he left me saying that he did not want me to go through this but guess where he is now…..back with his wife and kids………doesn’t return my calls……I found out through others…..I still have all his clothes at my house, I have a six year old who is devestated and he has not even faced me…..all he says on the phone was that IT WAS NOT REAL THAT THE DEVIL MADE ALL THIS UP IN HIS HEAD…….whatever……it helped write my last chapters of this books I was writing THE CAPTAIN AND THE DOVE – The Journey Home. I started writing it way before he came to me including the title….so please, save yourselves the hell and the heartache….DO NOT DATE ANYONE WHO LEAVES HIS WIFE FOR YOU OR IS NEWLY SEPERATED NO MATTER HOW IN LOVE WITH YOU HE SEEMS TO BE…..circumstances change people or they can THINK different and that will change the course and you will be left brokenhearted. Good luck.

The first night we talked, we both put everything on the table. He preferred to date a woman that already has kids. I’m 36 and divorced with no children. I had never dated a man with kids before.

Until (or if) our relationship progresses to the point that I meet his children and am able to participate in their lives, I will feel like I’m on the outside–because I am.

We completely agree that I won’t meet his kids until we are sure this is something strong, but his kids know about me (one of his daughters saw a text from me on his phone).

His wife (technically she is, but he doesn’t think of her that way) is not happy that he’s dating, but he slept on the couch for a year and has had his own place for 6 months now. I’ve asked several times if there’s any chance they’d work things out, and he’s adamant that it’s over (and hasn’t remotely acted otherwise).

Part of me is breaking all my rules with this man–he’s separated, he has 4 kids, he has at most two evenings during the week to spend any time with me–but when we’re together, everything just clicks so perfectly.

It’s very, very hard not to feel sad when the only time I get to spend with him is when he literally has nothing more important to do. He’s commented a few times that I sound sad on the phone and that he doesn’t want me to be sad because he’s supposed to make me happy.

I’ve had a very lonely marriage and then was a golf widow/girlfriend to another man for two years. Is there a helpful book out there I can read that will help me better understand dating a 1) man that isn’t yet divorced and 2) a man with several children?

I want to be as supportive as possible to him–he has no idea what crap is coming with a divorce (mine was very painful and expensive). And I don’t want to be hated by his kids. One of them apparently already told him they didn’t want another mommy! I would never try to be their mother because they already have a mom, but I’d hope they’d respect me and accept me.

I love children of all ages and it just didn’t work out for me to have any of my own (which really is heartbreaking for me, but it is what it is).

Finally, he says his wife is very vindictive and may be hateful toward me. She already threatened some of his time with his kids after she found out he was dating. The funny thing is, one of her friends is a friend of mine (we’ve never met). She’d actually probably like me if she met me under different circumstances. And there’s no way she’d ever think I’d be a bad influence to her children or a threat to her position if she knew me.

I’m sure someone is reading this and wondering if he’s worth it. I believe he is. I just need more resources because I’ve never been in this situation before. Maybe when I actually get to meet them and go to their games and things I won’t feel so sad and alone, but until then, I want to be as supportive as I can for him.

Advice?

I did. I broke my cardinal rule of not dating a married man. He promised to ask for the divorce. How expensive is it to begin the process – to make a good faith effort if he wanted a relationship with another woman??

He was not ready, in whatever way, and I am in the midst of massive heartbreak…

Never again. It is limbo. Nothing is final. It is the reason I did not date until my divorce was FINAL. It is just not fair….

Amy