Comments on: Are you just the transition relationship?

By: Dr. Leah

Dr. Leah — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 23:24:16 +0000

nicole: Thanks for joining our conversation. And sharing your own life experiences. Very helpful and much appreciated!

By: nicole

nicole — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 18:50:35 +0000

The relationship I was in previous to my current was a transitional relationship and I think I can say I learned a thing or two about that rule and how it applies to your situation. I was the first woman he had dated after his divorce a few months prior. At the start, I was head over heels and I communicated to him my worries about such strong feelings and potentially getting hurt. He reassured me that he felt the same way and told me that we should just go for it…. But a couple of months passed and it felt like the relationship was only regressing, he became more and more emotionally closed off to me. He expressed to me that his divorce had been difficult, he was emotionally unprepared for it, and I sensed he was not over it, by any means. Of course I wanted to be the special woman who helped him get over her, but who are we kidding?

That being said, I think that your main tell tale sign here is that he says his divorce is easy and agreeable. Maybe it hasn’t been hard on him emotionally?? (Though I find it hard to believe any divorce cannot hurt atleast a little.) So I suggest you just take things slowly, don’t invest yourself too much emotionally until he has, and make darn sure he’s ready for a relationship.

By: H

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 18:37:58 +0000

I am looking at the 2nd anniversary of my ‘transition’ relationship. Meeting my current partner was actually the catalyst that finally inspired me to leave my ex-husband after years of drudgery. Many many people told me it would never work and our relationship is certainly not as simple as it could have been were I not divorced and not a single mom, but we love each and are each willing to work hard. You never know where/when you will find love and following a list of ‘rules’ only gives us a false sense of protecting ourselves.

‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
-Lord Tennyson

By: jade

jade — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 04:07:33 +0000

I agree with all of you. cause life is more complicated than most of us wish. So both things can happen. Its is abvious to all that rebound is natural and happens to everyone and you do not want to be the person at the other end. It is very highly possible that it could happen. But the universe also works in mysterious ways and there is always the expception to the rule. My advice is ” the past is already gone and the future is not here so dont worry about either just live” follow your gut not your heart. It is always right.

By: John F

John F — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 16:33:59 +0000

I think it is funny…the women are all over analyzing this and the two men who chime in cut to the chase!

By: Leah Klungness

Leah Klungness — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 11:43:12 +0000

Phil: We agree that every relationship is unique. Sometimes that can be overlooked. Thanks for the reminder.

By: judy

judy — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 04:00:06 +0000

oh I forgot, a man once told me
“If you’re not the first, then you’re a rebound.”

By: Phil

Phil — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 03:14:04 +0000

Oh, stop with all the rules! Most relationships don’t work out in the end, so don’t over analyze it. What if you wait and this guy marries another ‘first’ woman? Better to have a failed relationship than regret having done nothing.

While personal anecdotes are interesting, they will never apply to you. Every relationship is unique.

By: judy

judy — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 00:09:48 +0000

If there were an Olympic competition for rebound girlfriend I would win Gold multiple years in a row.

I have also been prebound. That couple that breaks up then he realizes he does love her only after being with me.

Honestly, I have no advice but walk (or sleep) with your eyes wide open.

By: Mydria

Mydria — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 22:40:30 +0000

well, it’s working for my ex-husband….i’m not *positive* that his live-in girlfriend was his “first” since we split up, but i think she was, and they’ve been together for almost 2 years now!

she was around for most of our divorce process, which obviously didn’t scare her off. my ex was completely done with me, so that fact probably reassured her that his marriage wouldn’t get in the way of their relationship. how long will it last and will they ever get married? that’s another story…

my advice would be to assess his feelings for his ex and their relationship. if things seem completely done there, then you should be able to treat it like any other relationship…like someone said before, there’s never a guarantee that any relationship is going to work out! good luck!