How much is too much on Facebook?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Kids, Single Parents
I’m a long-time Facebook user — while Dr. Leah is new on the Facebook front.
And it appears that we’re having yet another little disagreement. See what you think. We’d love to know your thoughts on this one!
So, this all started when Dr. Leah asked me: “Don’t you think that some parents overdo it with all those kid photos on their pages?”
Me: “No, why?
Dr. Leah: “Well, your kids’ photos used to be gifts you’d share with family and close friends. They were special.”
I laughed. “And now, parents are posting new photos of their kids every day, for the world world to see, right?”
Dr. Leah: “Right! Family photo albums were once cherished personal treasures.”
Me: “You mean, like holiday photos you get in the mail?”
Dr. Leah: “Not exactly. Holiday photos and greeting cards are a once a year thing. And usually parents reserve those photo cards for special friends and family. I’m talking about endless stream of pictures some parents post. When I see those kids’ photos, I wonder what motivates these parents. The kids seem so overexposed. I also think about these children’s futures — in college, and at work. Why do parents want to share every private moment? And, of course, we’re all still figuring out where those kid pictures could eventually wind up.”
Me: “But times have changed, Dr. Leah! We live in a digital world now. As a parent, we’re simply chronicling our kids’ lives for friends and family who might live far away. That’s it.”
Dr. Leah: “But does everyone you know really want to see your kid’s life chronicled in pictures?”
We’d love to know:
Do you post your kids’ photos on Facebook, or are you more private… like Dr. Leah?
Is posting photos on Facebook just part of modern-day parenting… or a bit narcissistic?
|
Ultimate go-to guide for single mothers. The Complete Single Mother is the only comprehensive and best selling self help book ever written for single parents. It’s packed with savvy advice, sisterly comfort, as well as reassuring answers to all your single mom challenges. |
|
Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
Related posts:
- Finding your absent ex on Facebook? In case you missed it… Rachel, aka Single Mom Seeking, was featured in the New York Times this weekend about...
- Is your kid’s teacher on Facebook? We heard from a single dad who asked for some advice about a parenting dilemma regarding his 13-year-old son and...
- Are your Facebook friends really true friends? You’ve started an interesting discussion at Single Mom Seeking about Facebook and your relationship status. We even touched upon this...
- What happens to the souvenirs after your break up? We recently wrote about holding onto photos of your ex and his family — for your kids’ sake. But here’s...
Follow Singlemommyhood on Twitter
“Dr. Leah: “But does everyone you know really WANT to see your kid’s life chronicled in pictures?” ”
sure. that’s legitimate. that said, the good thing about FB is that those who do not want to see something, may simply choose not to. period.
(and yet, that said, i tend to be restrictive when it comes to photos on FB – yes, i do post personal photos, those of my kid too, but not often and not very many, just some that i find might look interesting/funny/illustrative of an occasion.
some sort of middle ground i guess.)
I’m not sure what I think about it, I do know I don’t share very many photos on facebook its mostly of me since its my page.
Twitter @ http://avigail74.blogspot.com
I don’t have time or energy or desire to get photos printed—let alone mail them. I find it much quicker and easier to put them on FB/or online. My family and friends LOVE seeing immediate and current photos of my daughter. It’s really a blessing for me. And, more than that, remember, only people you’ve “friend” with can see the photos. And, besides, what’s the shame of showing off your beautiful child?
I’m with both of your previous commenters….Not interested in someone’s kid chronicles? Don’t look.
And I don’t bother with photo albums. I’m not going through the hassle or the expense of printing pix of my Ladies. I ONLY print photos that I personally plan to frame.
And as to the Chicken Little “But what if some PERV steals your child’s pic and jerks off to it????” handwringing? My answer has long been “So? Exactly how is my child being harmed by that?”
Oh, and sharing photos of your kids has ALWAYS been narcissistic. I’d argue that FB is LESS so because rather than sitting right there, shoving the album at someone, you’re simply providing them with the opportunity to look, or not, at their leisure…
Twitter @ spingleparenttvl
I am agreeing that times have changed. We have more friends now than in the past and some of them may be virtual.
With that said, on Facebook, I will not tag my kids, and have requested that they not have themselves tagged unless they approve it. It’s just a safety issue for me and it could turn into a life issue for them.
No need for a college admission counselor finding that beer pong photo of your kid on some random page because a friend tagged him.
It’s a new world, and as parents we need to be cautious and knowledgeable of the new technologies and the tools we can use to protect ourselves and our loved ones!
Twitter @ http://runningleap.wordpress.com
I post photos of my kids on my FB page. But my FB page is private except to people I approve.
In my case, I grew up overseas and my family is spread out. In fact, my nearest family is halfway across the country! So for me, FB is my main way to keep in touch with old friends and my family members. I update about what the kids and I are up to, and I monitor my friends’ pages. That’s how, for example, I got to see my niece take her first steps, even though she’s in California.
But I also have a Dropshots.com page with many, many more photos and videos, and that is private to family members and very close friends only. (Whereas on FB, I do add more casual contacts and co-workers, etc.)
Twitter @ http://singlemommindy.blogspot.com
Yes, I post photos of me and my friends/kids but I don’t think I do it excessively. I also don’t think I have any facebook friends who go overboard. Sure there are photos posted on a regualr basis but at least for me it doesn’t seem anyone is overdoing it and I think it’s a great way to share updates and special times. Does anyone print pictures and mail them anymore? FB is SOooo much easier!
Most of my friends are pretty cool about not posting excessive pictures of their kids. Occasional pictures to document their growing up. I have a widespread group of friends all over the world and it helps us stay close because we watch each other’s kids grow up. Now, I do have some family and friends that feel it is necessary to post about every little thing their little precious does. That gets old. I really don’t need a play by play on their status about how well potty training is going.
If you tag a person, all of their friends can see the photos too – including the non-tagged photos. As a father of teenagers, I like that feature so I can see what my kids are up to…
Yes, it is overexposure, but so what? It’s not like handing a guest a photo album and making them look through it. No one is forced to look at more than a few thumbnails.
Twitter @ singlemommyhood
@Phil, thanks for pointing out the flip side of this: that as your kids get older, browsing their Facebook photos is a great way to see what they’re up to.
Do other parents of teens agree?
I don’t post photo of my kids…I scrapbook at home and we share photos the old fashioned way.
Phil, I don’t need to peruse photos of my kids friends to know what they are up to..sorry…to me that is short of plucking a hair at night and sending it in to be drug tested.
When it comes to the internet I still believe less is more.
Judy… wow…I guess you either don’t have teenagers, or else you go to their parties with them?
Facebook photos are public. Why is looking at them being a bad parent? Through Facebook, I got to see my 18 year old son dressed as a cat! Priceless.
Not that it matters, but both of my kids are A students and have never gotten in any kind of trouble.
Twitter @ aprilabtbalance
Anyone can take things to an extreme if that’s what they do. Remember the slide shows of vacation photos with the big projection screen? (Or am I dating myself?)
I have an uncle and cousins that I haven’t seen since before my kids were born. FB has become an excellent way for us to share our lives that we just weren’t doing before and yes, that includes pics of our kids.
I agree it’s a digital age and access and distribution is so much easier nowadays. For me I just chronicle my life and when my son is with me he’s there too.
Twitter @ singlemommyhood
@Phil and @Judy: Re: teens, thanks to both of you for pointing out that this isn’t necessarily about keeping tabs on your teen… It’s simply a fun way to see what your independent kid is up to.
Also, for parents with split custody, I imagine that catching glimpses of your teen when he/she is gone for weekends at a time is fun. Yes?
I have a family site that I post all my daughters pictures on so that they can see since most my family doesn’t see my daughter much. Also I don’t ever get pictures printed to send, even at Christmas they can buy them off the site I post at if they really want it. I know I am mean! LOL! But as for facebook I am the other extreme for my facebook page remains blank.. Maybe one of these days I will suck it up and at least post a few.
Also I love pictures so yeah if your wondering if anyone ever looks at all those pictures you post it would be me. I also also agree that if someone doesn’t want to see it the digital age makes it easy and painless to just not click.
I recently saw some photos of my male friend’s daugther on FB. He’s a single parent and kind of in that “trying to be her friend” area. She’s 14 and the photos were so suggestive (pearls falling out of her mouth, low cut tops with come hither eyes, posing as if on the cover of a X rated movie) Not appropriate for a girl that age on Facebook. I alerted him right away and he ignored it. She “unfriended” me right away.
She’s now dealing with a bad reputation at 14 and it could have been prevented with a little extra parental control and guidance. Those photos are there forever if someone wants to find them.
I love seeing my friends new babies or seeing how quickly they have grown. If my friends with kids didn’t post photos of them that is when I would think it was odd since it’s such a common practice.
Again, it comes down to personal responsibility and vigilance that we are doing what is right for our kids. If we are constantly in fear of the “what if” we deny ourselves, our families and our kids so much of the simple joys in life. A little common sense goes a long way to a easier life.
Phil,
I have a 151/2 year old going to be a sophomore in high school this year.
I have always had positive firm relationships with school staff, I meet her good friends parents (yes even now in high school), she’s allowed one visit to a friends then that friend has to reciprocate by coming here before she allowed there any more.
She is a leader in training this summer at an overnight camp. I have meet the counselors/staff supervising her and 2 other trainings and parents by attending the functions.
She is also an A student, a Mayor’s Scholar recipient and is involved in volunteer agencies.
Part of growing up as a family is letting go. I believe by this age her morals are well in place and whether I am there or not she is making her own decisions. I don’t need or want to know everything ’cause i trust her, she has proven herself as trustworthy and we have a strong..not perfect..relationship.
I guess this shows that all families do things dofferently
Twitter @ canadianbaldguy
I’ve got pics of my kids on FB. For me, I post a few pics at a time…just some of my favorites because I’m a proud parent. I don’t think it’s any different than shoving a photo album in somebody’s face other than the fact that they don’t have to look at the pics.
I just like showing them off because I think they’re awesome. And I really don’t see the problem in that.
I’m guilty! My FB is basically a gloried bragbook of my son’s pics. But I’m very selective of my friends – and most don’t even bother looking at the pics anymore! But I love pics – mine and others’. And its thanks to FB that I found pics of sperm donor’s 2 sons (my son’s half brothers)!
Is it kinda weird that i have this whole collection of photos of my son’s blood relatives??? I figure MAYBE when he’s grown and if he’s interested I show him…. for now, FB let’s me (stealthily) collect photos of his brothers, aunts and uncles!
Like most of the people here, I post some pics of my daughter on FB, but I also have my pricacy settings set, and only friend people I know. Much of my family is out of the country and they’re all on FB and we all enjoy keeping up with each other and all of our children, virtually.
Even a close friend who was always super, super private has joined the FB movement and now posts pics of his kids.
Twitter @ tashsparkles
As a new mom (my son is 4 months old), I am constantly putting up new pics of Butterball on my FB page. I have to – I moved a year ago and most of my good friends haven’t met him yet. In fact, I’ve been ordered by some friends to post more. I guess it helps that my kid is friggin adorable! And I, too, have my privacy setting set so that only friends can see my photos.
I think Dr. Leah is in the dark ages on this one. Sorry