I am certainly not condoning cheating but I can see the attraction.

Then eventually, they’ll feel comfortable about getting out there and trying again. Building a family again.
T´s last blog ..Things I’ve learned about Men

I’ve cheated, been the other woman AND I’ve been cheated on. Not fun. Too much drama and hurt and confusion.

However, I do know many who have wonderfully happy and satisfying open relationships. I do believe it is possible and isn’t cheating. I am intrigued by polyamory but there has to be deep honesty, communication and trust for it to work. There should be deep honesty, communication and trust in a monogamous relationship too. Unfortunately, that isn’t often the case… hence the reason people cheat.

Regarding the question of why do single moms date married men: you hit the nail on the head. Lots of perks. And most single parents have been hurt in past relationships and would prefer to keep up a wall or mask than be vulnerable, intimate and risk being hurt again – especially at the risk of their child being hurt too.

Hey, to each their own…. it would all work if we could just be honest about things…
T´s last blog ..Things I’ve learned about Men

With that said, I’ll answer the original question. I used to “date” married men. Why? Mostly because they’re easier…you don’t get most of the drama you usually get with single men. Did I seek married men? No. The first one didn’t tell me he was married until I was well into the relationship. At that point I really didn’t care about his marital status because I was happy. When it was time to move on, I’d had such a positive experience I decided I wouldn’t automatically nix a man because of his marital status.

However, now that I’m a single mom, I have no intention of dating single men. Strange huh? Now I’m looking for something steady and real. I’m looking for a family for my son. A married man can’t do that for me. If I’m not able to find that, I could see myself landing in the land of married men again (we’re talking 5, 10 years down the line when I won’t have time for a relationship).

I am far less judgmental of affairs as I was pre-divorce. While I DO NOT condone affairs in any way I, unfortunately, think I might understand them more and more. In my experience I’ve learned that men are too afriad to hurt their wives with words of goodbye because they are cowardice. The men are not happy in their relationships but not yet ready to leave altogether because there is so much red tape and they ultimately do not want to hurt the woman’s feelings. However, since they (men) have already left the relationship both emotionally and physically they justify the affair. Then there are my women friends who sleep with married men because the sex is on fire, completely uninhibited, dirty, sexy and feel way more loved. I also know my women friends know the men will never fully be theres and in that case, the woman can’t be left.

I’ve also learned that divorced peeps no longer view relationships as seriously as they view marriage. I’ve had men hit on me who have girlfriends. It is not my style to perpetuate anything however both of my divorced female friends say, “Hey, go for it, it’s not like they are married”

Cheating is ugly it’s hurtful but I do see it from both sides now. I do understand how it can happen, fast and easily. I also understand the power of the vajayjay and it truly is the woman who is always in control. I say if you’re interested in an unavailable man, for real, and he’s interested in you, let him know you’ll be there when he cleans up his house! And this from a woman whose husband not only had an affair, but whose husband then lived with said woman for 6 consecutive years up until a few months ago. And, I now have a valid reason for loathing the woman as her leaving my ex-husband has had a terribly adverse affect on my child!

Always,
Daniella
Daniella´s last blog ..Single Parenting | Belonging

I’ve been in both boats: cheated on, and the Other Woman. I also have friends with open relationships to varying degrees and it does work for them, and I won’t judge; however I find the original post to be pretty clearly *not* talking about open relationships, and if chai_girl really finds honesty to be the key then she will realize taht this is not what is happening in most of these situations and her comments do not apply.

Being cheated on–the actual cheating, not-with-honesty kind–is devastating.

As to why I was ever teh Other Woman, especially when I knew what it does to a marriage, having been in that position: it’s true, it’s the old canard, self-esteem. I thought I was such a failure at relationships that I shouldn’t even try to be with one person who only wanted to be with me, because I could only fuck it up. Once my head started to clear, I put an end to it–too little too late, I know.

The married man I was seeing actually did tell his wife about me while we were together, and contrary to the expectations of some present, this did not make it better. It made it much, much worse, as she essentially broke down. It was devastating to her–even with honesty! Surprisingly, honesty without choice is crap.

My advice to anyone contemplating a relationship with a married man:

HE IS LYING TO YOU. If you think he can lie to his wife every day about you wihle somehow remaining totally honest with you, you are deluding yourself. Every pretty story he tells you about why you are together, and how much he loves you, and what is wrong with his marriage, is a LIE. Don’t fall for it. He is someone who can brutally hurt and betray the person he promised to love forever above all others. If he can do that to her, he can do that to you.
Maeve´s last blog ..The Year of the Better Mother is so far more like the Year of the Status Quo Mother Plus Tweaks