Comments on: Are your kids dating, but you’re not?

By: Helen F

Helen F — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 12:20:01 +0000

I wish some of these posts would acknowledge that some of us just cannot get dates. I live in a remote part of the country where single guys anywhere near my age are an endangered species.

No-one wants to date someone who lives 100 miles away – no matter how well-adjusted/slender/funny etc. I may be. And the kids love living here – their social lives are great!

By: Leah Klungness

Leah Klungness — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 19:27:24 +0000

Thanks, Josh. Other people do not make your life complete. What a valuable lesson to pass along to our kids!

By: Josh Shipp aka Hey Josh

Josh Shipp aka Hey Josh — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 19:07:29 +0000

My advice: It’s important for your teen to see you don’t always “have to be” in a relationship to be happy. Does your mood and thoughts and actions and words communicate this message? If not they will think they always need to find the next guy or girl to make their life complete. The truth is its our personal responsibility to make our life complete, not someone else’s. No person (or relationship) deserves that sorta pressure. Because (likely) your 14 year old won’t date that person for the rest of their life, and when it ends…things will be LESS difficult knowing it’s 1+1=2. Not 0.5+0.5= 2.

Great article!

Josh Shipp AKA Hey Josh
—–

Helping teens get it, Helping those who care about teens get through to them.

By: Rachel Sarah

Rachel Sarah — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 16:57:12 +0000

@Amy Sue Nathan: Very perceptive! And so true: “I think if a parent is jealous of a child’s social life, there needs to be attention paid to something other than dating.”

Thank you.

By: Amy Sue Nathan

Amy Sue Nathan — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 16:27:24 +0000

I think if a parent is jealous of a child’s social life, there needs to be attention paid to something other than dating.

There is no comparison to kids – even teens – having a social life and the choices an adult single parents makes in determining dates or outings with friends. It’s absurd to think one thing has anything to do with the other, at least for me.

By: Tishia Lee

Tishia Lee — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 16:56:07 +0000

I never really thought that at 10 my son would really think about the whole ‘mommy dating/going out’ thing but he does! I’ll never forgot the pure shock that tore through me when out of the blue he says to me “mom will you ever start dating and going out again instead of sitting home all the time”? That was my little ‘nudge’ to get back into not just the dating scene but the social scene. I still sit home but not nearly as frequently as before! LOL

By: MindyMom

MindyMom — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 15:27:36 +0000

Like Judy, my kids like it when I go out. They are much happier to see me have a social life – and even date – than see me sit at home alone.

My oldest daughter is 18 and she’s had a few boyfriends. It’s great to be able to talk to her like a girlfriend – but also as a mother -about *men* and the things they do.

By: Rachel Sarah

Rachel Sarah — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 05:45:05 +0000

@CCD: So, did this girl accept? So curious!

@Judy: Love this observation… “She liked it when I started to go out.” Interesting, yes?

By: Crazy Computer Dad

Crazy Computer Dad — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 05:09:21 +0000

My son isn’t allowed to date until he is 25. Yes, I am in denial and I’m quite happy there. Please don’t ruin it for me.

He is 12, sixth grade, and did ask a girl to a dance this year. I’m kind of hoping that he retains his innocence a bit longer and that somehow I can successfully encourage him to keep coming to me with questions. Right now he just seems too embarrassed about the whole thing so I don’t encourage or discourage.

By: judy

judy — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 03:25:43 +0000

When my DD reached middle school I had an A-HA moment when it struck me that I was home on Friday nights and she was out.

What’s wrong with that picture?!?!

She was not dating but out with friends or involved in activities with some overnight retreats.

That’s when I realized that my sacrificing choices to be home with her in the evenings were over.

She liked it when I started to go out. She liked being home alone at times and also enjoyed not feeling pressured because I was home waiting for her.

She still is not dating but is involved which reminds me to stay involved and busy with my peers.