As of late I have devised a plan. It has been tough, but I just keep focusing on my goal. I have gone back to school for a higher degree so someday I might make more $ than him and maybe have the guts to leave or at least be able to live the life I want to without having to use his $ and feel guilty about it. I get a lot of, “Who pays the mortgage” comments. My hubby has also maybe given 5 baths in 30 months and averages 2 diapers a week, and that’s on a good week. Gross part is that when we are around family or friends, he acts like superdad and will say, “oh honey, let me do that for you.” It’s total BS…

I have also been seeing a therapist and a nutritionist. I was so worn down after my son’s birth and lack of help from dad and family I needed to get physically and emotionally healthy. Both Dr.’s have said that if pretending to be a single mom helps, then do it. By being a FLASM, I can focus on the task at hand and not get wrapped up in how angry and sad I am. When I am stronger emotionally and physically I will stand up for myself. (hopefully)

I have a neighbor who is also a FLASM and we started a baby-sitter swap plan. I baby-sit one night and she and her husband go out. I just walk to her place and read or work or sleep and can feel “guiltless” because I am baby-sitting. MY husband also feels ok since our son is usually in bed and I am “nearby” so to speak.

She is returning the favor soon and she plans of resting b/c she has a 5 year old and a 2 year old and is expecting a 3rd and can never get a nap. This way we are kind of getting a night off from our own life and the other can go do something with the husband, which might not hurt.

Anyway, these are just some thought I have and I feel better tonight knowing I am not alone. Sleep well FLASM sisters and stay strong, and stay together!

I heart and support goes out to all mothers like the one in the story. Feeling as if you have no control of your life, the home, or your kids. I can only want to relate, to offer my sympathy. But I can’t fully comprehend how it must feel to be in this situation, but I can tell you that it hurts to be unappreciated at times.

Thank you again for another great post! I love this blog because it seriously makes you think.

As our son grew, the ex grew more distant, challenging, inappropriate. When he was around, he liked to push our toddler until he cried. I don’t think that’s how loving fathers are supposed to act. I was a maid, a servant, a laundress, a cook, a nanny, and a sex slave whenever I could bring myself to let him touch me–how on earth could I have sex with a man who wasn’t there? It was hell. I know we’re all better off without him.
Solomother´s last blog ..Do you know what your kids are reading?

Her exhaustion and frustration are clear and understandable. I’m sure her husband has frustrations of his own. There may still be a salvageable marriage, or renewal of something better. Or, things may go the way of many marriages. To dissolution.

Clearly, we as readers have none of the particular details, including which state this mom lives in. And the law varies greatly by state. No mother should assume she will get support or alimony or anything else to assure her children of what they need. In some instances, women who have worked full-time outside the home while bearing the greater burden of parenting are penalized financially for that work history. And “doing it all” on your own and managing custody and visitation issues as well as the emotional drama to the children is another set of pressures that can be both emotionally and professionally costly.

My suggestion would be to seek counsel for herself – emotional, legal, financial, and familial if that’s available. Prepare for the worst.

Living without love and without a sense of control is one thing; it’s pretty awful. I know. But there are things that are worse, if she doesn’t pave the way with information enough to ensure financial and logistical support, whichever way things turn out.

Never assume. Not about your partner. Not about the court system.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Women walking away

What I do tell my married friends with kids is to be thankful that you have someone there so you can take a shower and not have to worry about coming out of the shower to hear the baby screaming and wondering how long they have been awake. Or to make that quick run to the store at the last minute.

I FLASM even when I was married because my ex was military. He was deployed for 75% of our marriage. He couldn’t adjust to the fact that our daughter was a priority. He just wanted to do what he wanted to do without the responsibilities of parenthood. He would compete with our daughter for my attention and resources. Now, he pretends that she is a priority by spending all afternoon watching cartoons when it isn’t about her, that’s what he does even when she isn’t around.

So, while it is tough, I think she should start setting some boundaries. He needs to take responsibility for the kids at least one night a week. Set aside one night a week for the two of them…he closes the workshop early and she gets the kids to bed early. Otherwise, the writing is on the wall.