I feel so mixed up – since they are crying and so upset, does that mean that I WAS selfish and unfeeling? Was I indiscreet and only thinking of myself? It is a strange thing to feel like a “bad” person when my intent was not evil. I was shocked that they heard us!

Their father, meanwhile, has had three live-in girlfriends since the divorce, one after the other. As far as I know, the kids don’t seem to mind that, but perhaps they do. My boyfriend does not live here, although he does spend several nights a week here, not all of which involve sex. I don’t want to spend the night at his house, which is what the kids say I should do, because I don’t want them to be alone, nor do I want them to think that I care more about him than I do about them. I care about all of them!

I’m not ready to be married and I wonder if it would be any different if we WERE married, or if they had heard me having sex with their own dad. I just spent a long while looking for advice on the internet and found a myriad of views. Some basically lambasted single moms like me, others basically said ‘do what you feel,’ and then there were others in-between.

Sometimes I wonder what was harder – being married to a man who made me feel more lonely than when I was actually alone, or being a single parent without a date in ages, or being in a serious relationship with these kind of issues. It all is so daunting, so exhausting and so confusing. I feel like dirt, or at least digging myself into a hole. I want so much to be a good mother, and now I fear that I’ve made a big, big irrevocable mistake.

Personally, I prefer that my kids are with their dad if I have my man over. But not everyone has that option. So yeah, stealth and a good lock on the door is wise. Plus I think it is ALWAYS advisable to teach your children about privacy and boundaries.

Great post!

T´s last blog ..Big Red Love

LoveBabz: Hmmm When you say a “bevy” of love interests, it does raise the issue of how many might be too many? I don’t have the answer, but it’s an interesting question, right?

KatherineSOLOdotMom: We agree! Single parenthood is a comfortable identity and a welcoming community.

Chai_girl and Mindy: Seems like your kids are comfortable and content with the explanations @Legal Editor Mom feels are appropriate.

I say go for it…but be mindful and thoughtful. I am not suggesting parading a bevy of love interest in front of your kids but if the relationship is moving to a place of seriousness…a little “messing around” is definitely in order

I’m not opposed to a LTR but I still don’t really have time in my life for one. I have had several long term non-committed relationships. They do spend the night on occasion and we do have sex after she is asleep or at a certain point I just tell her we are going to my bedroom for adult time if it a weekend night and she isn’t asleep at 10 p.m. Her bedroom is on the other side of the house but we are still quiet. Sometimes, it is just cuddling on the bed watching a movie together and has nothing to do with sex.

We’ve talked about it openly. She knows I have sex with the guys I’m dating. She says she is going to wait until she gets out of high school. We’ll keep talking about it and I’ve told her that if she changes her mind, we should talk about it even if it is only to get her protection. She has promised me she will. She talks to me about what her friends are doing or not doing.

I think my bigger dilemma will be when/if I find out her friends are having sex and haven’t told their parents/grandparents. Most of her friends also come from non-traditional families so we all help each other but I’ve met resistance when I’ve discussed this type of thing with them before. One of the girls is on track to be very promiscuous but the grandparents are in denial.

i hate to think what my daughter will think about me.

for now she’s 3 and i go to all lengths to protect her innocence – including celibacy – but eventually she’ll get older and be able to put two and two…and another two together! *blusshh*