What happens to the souvenirs after your break up?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Tips & Advice
We recently wrote about holding onto photos of your ex and his family — for your kids’ sake.But here’s another dilemma we’ve thought a lot about: Are you still holding onto those “love souvenirs” from your past?
Yes, how about those hotel photos you took together on your weekend getaway? Or the pictures she texted you when you were on a business trip? How about that time you got bold and made a two-minute video?
Maybe you’re holding onto those photos because the chemistry is what held you together. Now what have you done with these, uh, reminders?
Likewise, have you ever worried that your ex is holding onto such photos or videos, too? Have you wondered what he/she is doing with them?
Have you ever spent a sleepless night wondering if there are any digital photos of yourself floating around? You might have read about that the guy who recently posted those revealing pictures of his girlfriend on the Internet. She has decided to take legal action for emotional distress and an invasion of her privacy.
We remember the good old days of the Polaroid camera, when photos were instantly developed. You had ONE copy then, and you knew exactly where it was. But today in the digital world, you need to trust that your ex isn’t going to get back at you by doing something as ludicrous as sharing these photos.
Here’s what we suggest:
1. Burn everything. Or, put all of those digital photos and videos in your computer’s trash. That’s easy and simple, right?
2. Password-protect any folders on your computer with these photos
3. Find a good hiding spot, as we suggested when we told you to hide those sex toys.
We’d love to hear: Are you holding onto any “love souvenirs”? Or, did you trash every last one of them?
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All that stuff went the way of the Do-do. Separating pictures was the worse. I felt like my head was going to explode, but everything with my ex in it went back to her. Over the years I’ve pretty much purged everything that was given to me that still had a connection to her.
Mike´s last blog ..What Stress Means to Me
Twitter @ http://www.singlemomsaves.com
I trashed all of our “special” photos, and almost everything that we either bought together or he gave to me. I kept a few practical things, like pots and pans and small furniture, because I need them.
I also have a few gifts he gave me – a basketball jersey and some artwork – that I love and don’t want to get rid of just because he gave them to me. Should I still keep these things or not???
Hi Mydria: Welcome to Singlemommyhood! Of course, keep practical things like pots and pans. (The alternative is not too appealing). And, we’d keep the things – like the basketball jersey and art – we loved, too. These things will remind you of the “good days” that you two did share.
Twitter @ BigLittleWolf
While marital breakups (with kids) are probably the worst, and the most complex, not every breakup means a shredded self or shredding the remembrances of your time together.
I’ve had the experience of mutually agreeable breaks, where we both realized that whatever we had it cannot go further. In some instances, friendships have remained. I treasure the pictures and small mementos from those times. They hold a special place in my heart, like the times that we shared and cared for each other.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Damn, damn, damn. Driving lessons.
Twitter @ http://avigail74.blogspot.com
I have never had such an easy time tossing things into the garbage! And, cannot think of a time where I felt a huge weight lift off of me! I walked away from the huge dumpster with a grand ole smile on my face. I have only kept photo albums and cd’s for my child. She seems to find solace in looking at pictures of us as a family. I loved that my mother kept her wedding album for me—I love looking at how happy they once were, how young and beautiful they were…after all, they’re my parents. That’s it!
Avigail74´s last blog ..Gypsy Family
It is really a shame that ex’s tend to have such a degree with spite. The “social” aspect of the web gives many outlets for them to “get back at you” if they so choose. I have had many girlfriends that had ex’s who put profiles on adult swinger sites and similar actions. It was embarrassing for them when they had to explain that someone else put the profile up……anyhow, you just have to be careful with a breakup more now than ever….
Mike http://www.erollover.com´s last blog ..Great Stock Market Crashes | The Dot-Com Bubble
Avigail74: Your comment about your mother’s wedding album made me weepy. I gave my wedding album to my “grown-up” daughter. She loves it, too. When you sit in her living room, you can’t help spotting it on the book shelf. Or may-be it jumps out at me. I think it does remind her that her father and I once loved each other very much.
I tend to hold on to the stuff – even a tatty book-mark…. then when i manage to throw it into the trash can – that’s when i know that I’m standing totally on my own feet again. But I can not force myself to do it.
The only thing I’ve kept from my daughter’s father is a pearl necklace – not for sentimental reasons, but for financial reasons. If I’m ever really financially up the creek I can sell it and use the money; otherwise it would make a brilliant present on my daughter’s graduation. (The bookmark is a reminder of someone else).
Marilyn: Fingers crossed that you have that necklace for Graduation Day . . .but, so comforting, to know you’ve got something in reserve. Thanks for telling your story.
Mike: Welcome to Singlemommyhood. You offer a perspective we had not considered. *Ouch* Putting your profile on a site without your permission. Thanks for adding to our conversation.
In some cases I believe complete destruction of these personal items is acceptable, but in most cases my past has been quite different.
I feel that it is acceptable to hold on to some keepsakes from your past relationships. One has to remember that every relationship that ends once had a beginning, and most likely that beginning was something special. Each and every relationship shapes who you are today, and your path might be quite different had you not spent months dating a particular person or years married to them. My history involves those people, and destroying property or shredding photos doesn’t change that.
Lastly, when it comes to a new love in your life… well, if they are so jealous that they cannot deal with a small photo album, located somewhere in the dark recesses of your closet or attic, then they are most likely not right for you.