I “slept over” and it just wasn’t a big deal. I was visiting from out of town, but I was by far the most disturbed over the whole situation. The kids had known me for some time, and I guess in their world this just wasn’t an issue, and we didn’t make an issue out of it. I do know I hadn’t been the first.

I don’t believe it’s a double standard, there are all manner of things that are ok for me to do, that are NOT ok for my kids to do, including alcohol, driving, voting, seeing bands at certain clubs that they’d really like to see but aren’t allowed in. I agree with treating the kids as people, not as kids, but no matter how much respect you have for them, in society they are kids.

If your girls know the woman, and are familiar with her, and she’s there in the morning, I would answer questions that come up with tact and honesty, (as well as I could), and let it go at that. You should have a feel for how they are likely to react, although no one knows for sure how teenage girls will react to anything.

It could work out well, or be a disaster, but then so can a trip to the grocery store with kids. My guess is, like most things, you already know if it’s ok or not, and don’t trust yourself with something that seems so important. So, what’s the absolute worst thing that could happen? Ewwww, dad is having sex?

Either way… Good Luck. One thing I’m certain about, I won’t be this confident when it’s me going thru it, (if that day ever happens).
Scott´s last blog ..First (real) Car

CJ: Thanks for highlighting how the double standard is just how it is for kids and adults.

As for the double standard, I drink. I don’t expect my daughter to drink. It isn’t a double standard because, hello!, I’m an adult. She is a teenager. When I was a teenager, I wasn’t having sex. You are the parent and the rules for adults are different than rules for teenagers.

I believe that giving them the knowledge to know why they shouldn’t have sex (beyond it is morally wrong) is more potent and effective than just telling them not to do it. She learned the hard way when she wanted try wearing contact lenses that she wasn’t ready for the responsibility. We discussed decision making and consequences.

And, I know this might shock some of you, I took her to see Spring Awakening last week. It has mature themes about what it is like to be a teenager. It addresses child abuse, sexual abuse/incest, what happens when children aren’t taught the facts of life, and general teenage angst from a teenage point of view. We have had several fabulous conversations about it and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Now, when I have a guy I’m seeing (they are usually from out of town and I don’t have another parent that can be counted on to take her for the weekend) comes to town, I just tell her that a friend is coming to stay and they will be sleeping in my room. She knows the door will be closed and locked. I know at this point, she is assuming we are having sex, whether we really are or not. I can sleep next to a guy without having sex with him. I actually dated a guy for two years who had taken a vow of celibacy and he spent the night on a regular basis.

Anyway, it is up to the dad to determine what is right for his kids and how he wants to them to feel about sex and relationships. Are we living in a June Cleaver/Lucille Ball age where babies are delivered by storks or in the modern age where sex is something that happens between two consenting adults who like each other.

And if you think my daughter has a skewed sense of sexuality because of this, you might be right. She told me she broke up with her last “boyfriend” about 6 months ago because he was a pervert. When I asked her what made him a pervert…she said it was because he kept trying to touch her boobs. I had to explain that it made him a normal 7th grade boy, not a pervert. So, I must be doing something right!

My opinion is…whether it’s appropriate or not at this stage is a very personal choice that no one else can make for you. It needs to be based on lots of factors we, as outsiders, know nothing about. That said, I agree with Vicki’s husband. If you have to ask, it’s probably NOT OK. BUT if you decide it’s OK for your situation, you MUST talk about it to the kids, maybe even seperately, because of the age/maturity levels of the individual kids. If you just “we fell asleep” it, you still must have a follow up conversation about why what’s appropriate for adults is NOT appropriate for your kids. If you don’t you’re leaving yourself wide open for the same excuse to come out of your daughters’ mouths when they miss curfew in the future. I have no problem with a double standard for adults vs kids, because thats just a fact of life people, deal with it. However, you MUST make sure your kids understand that double standard and why it exists. For their safety and well-being.
CJ´s last blog ..Bragging rights!

I can’t imagine how I would have felt knowing it was my Dad having sex with someone other than my mother.

His daughters may have adjusted to the divorce but sex is sex and it just isn’t something a 15 or 10 year old wants to think about, let alone be faced with knowledge of when it comes to a parent.

I’m with Kat on this situation. This is by no definition a LTR. He has been divorced a little over a year and dating this woman a “few” months.

His new relationship may have “potential” BUT until it is fully known that this women is going to be in his daughter’s lives for the long haul, sleepovers should be put on the backburner.
Cathy´s last blog ..Learning The Art Of Solitude: Living Alone After Divorce

Get the girls to have sleepovers, have car sex, rent a motel instead of going out to dinner or lunch, or do it in the parking lot after a meal out (which can be a total turn-on; please don’t ask me how I know) … but don’t have a sleepover yet.

I may be old-fashioned on this, but you have to think of what you would feel like if you were 15 and your parents did this. It would be weird and (in a teen’s developing but oft-confused mind) would probably feel “wrong.”
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..Does being Ms. Picky get you Mr. Perfect?