Comments on: My kid doesn’t need to meet my new girlfriend http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/my-kid-doesnt-need-to-meet-my-new-girlfriend/ a whole new way to think about real life Tue, 16 Mar 2010 14:30:37 +0000 http://wordpress.org/ hourly 1 By: Swati Bharteey http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/my-kid-doesnt-need-to-meet-my-new-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-4112 Swati Bharteey Mon, 21 Dec 2009 13:39:22 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6044#comment-4112 I think it's appropriate to wait until it's serious...6 motnhs, a year, whatever it is for you. But I do think it's too extreme to say "Never shall the 2 intersect." Someday, your daughter could be in a relationship with a man with kids; say it gets serious - I think you'd want her included in all aspects of the other man's life too. And, it's important for her to see how a woman should be treated - you are her role model in that. Get ready for more questions!! :-) Swati .-= Swati Bharteey´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheSingleMothersChronicles/~3/tIBn3i6zfdY/" rel="nofollow">Adopt a Single Mom Family for the Holidays</a> =-. I think it’s appropriate to wait until it’s serious…6 motnhs, a year, whatever it is for you. But I do think it’s too extreme to say “Never shall the 2 intersect.”
Someday, your daughter could be in a relationship with a man with kids; say it gets serious – I think you’d want her included in all aspects of the other man’s life too.
And, it’s important for her to see how a woman should be treated – you are her role model in that.
Get ready for more questions!! :-)
Swati
Swati Bharteey´s last blog ..Adopt a Single Mom Family for the Holidays My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Ms. No Single Mama Drama http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/my-kid-doesnt-need-to-meet-my-new-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-3849 Ms. No Single Mama Drama Wed, 02 Dec 2009 14:56:01 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6044#comment-3849 I think he should continue to do what he's doing. He could, however, let her into the relationship, slowly, by allowing her to see him interact with her on the phone and talk about her a bit, if he feels comfortable. The most important thing is that he introduces his girlfriend when HE, not anyone else, feels he's ready, though I recommend at least 6-12 months, for obvious reasons. But every person, relationship and situation is different. I think he should continue to do what he’s doing.

He could, however, let her into the relationship, slowly, by allowing her to see him interact with her on the phone and talk about her a bit, if he feels comfortable.

The most important thing is that he introduces his girlfriend when HE, not anyone else, feels he’s ready, though I recommend at least 6-12 months, for obvious reasons.

But every person, relationship and situation is different.

]]> By: Heather http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/my-kid-doesnt-need-to-meet-my-new-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-3169 Heather Fri, 09 Oct 2009 22:54:56 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6044#comment-3169 I just introduced my kids to the man I have been dating. We have been dating for almost 3 months, and my kids are 15 and twin 13 yo, all girls... he and I are getting along fabulously, and I want him to be involved in ALL of my life... not just the easy "single" part of it. How will we know if we are truly compatiable if the only time we have together is the super awesome adult time? There are no stresses, nothing to take our attention away from one another when it is just the two of us. I need him to see how I interact with my kids. I need him to see my kids interact with the world. I need to see him interact with my kids. Also, my kids are around my regular friends often.... why not allow them to be around this friend that has a special place in my life. I don't want him to be a "father" to them, I just want there to be some reality in our relationship... I want to be able to see the whole picture. I mean, what if after a year of dating, and I introduced him to my kids, he turns out to be a complete jerk to my kids. Well now, that is gonna suck. I would have to say Bye to a man I just spent a year of my life with... uh, ya, no thanks. Does anyone else see it this way?? I just introduced my kids to the man I have been dating. We have been dating for almost 3 months, and my kids are 15 and twin 13 yo, all girls… he and I are getting along fabulously, and I want him to be involved in ALL of my life… not just the easy “single” part of it. How will we know if we are truly compatiable if the only time we have together is the super awesome adult time? There are no stresses, nothing to take our attention away from one another when it is just the two of us. I need him to see how I interact with my kids. I need him to see my kids interact with the world. I need to see him interact with my kids. Also, my kids are around my regular friends often…. why not allow them to be around this friend that has a special place in my life. I don’t want him to be a “father” to them, I just want there to be some reality in our relationship… I want to be able to see the whole picture. I mean, what if after a year of dating, and I introduced him to my kids, he turns out to be a complete jerk to my kids. Well now, that is gonna suck. I would have to say Bye to a man I just spent a year of my life with… uh, ya, no thanks.

Does anyone else see it this way??

]]> By: Solomother http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/my-kid-doesnt-need-to-meet-my-new-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-3118 Solomother Wed, 07 Oct 2009 00:57:19 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6044#comment-3118 Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you introduce your child(ren) to the person you're dating as soon as the relationship gets serious, you run the risk of a) gypping yourself out of some quality grown up time, as you'll find you want to include the beau in family activities b) you run the risk of exposing your child to a relationship that won't last. On the other hand, if you wait til there's an engagement ring, you have not let your child into a decision that will profoundly affect his or her life. You have to ease the significant other into your combined lives at some point on the relationship continuum. I don't know where that point is. I'm just walking away from a relationship that crashed and burned for so many miserable, unfixable, heart-stopping reasons, and not only do I have to nurse my broken heart, but I have to heal my son's, too. And this was a relationship that had lasted 11 months to the day, full of promises and future. You never know. Do your best. .-= Solomother´s last blog ..<a href="http://www.solomother.com/giveaway-master-lock-for-breast-cancer/" rel="nofollow">Giveaway: Master Lock for breast cancer</a> =-. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. If you introduce your child(ren) to the person you’re dating as soon as the relationship gets serious, you run the risk of a) gypping yourself out of some quality grown up time, as you’ll find you want to include the beau in family activities b) you run the risk of exposing your child to a relationship that won’t last.

On the other hand, if you wait til there’s an engagement ring, you have not let your child into a decision that will profoundly affect his or her life. You have to ease the significant other into your combined lives at some point on the relationship continuum. I don’t know where that point is. I’m just walking away from a relationship that crashed and burned for so many miserable, unfixable, heart-stopping reasons, and not only do I have to nurse my broken heart, but I have to heal my son’s, too. And this was a relationship that had lasted 11 months to the day, full of promises and future.

You never know. Do your best.
Solomother´s last blog ..Giveaway: Master Lock for breast cancer My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Rachel Sarah http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/my-kid-doesnt-need-to-meet-my-new-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-3117 Rachel Sarah Tue, 06 Oct 2009 18:49:13 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6044#comment-3117 Welcome to Singlemommyhood @Scott! As the parent of a tween, too, I hear you! "There’s no way to pull one over" on my daughter, either. So true! Welcome to Singlemommyhood @Scott! As the parent of a tween, too, I hear you! “There’s no way to pull one over” on my daughter, either. So true!

]]> By: Scott http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/my-kid-doesnt-need-to-meet-my-new-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-3116 Scott Tue, 06 Oct 2009 18:38:36 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6044#comment-3116 Personally, I think it's a good idea to keep the dating life and the parenting life separate. But I also know there's no way to pull one over on my 11 year old daughter. Trying to keep things too "under wraps" will just make her more interested in finding out what's going on. Besides, she's showing an interest in her Dad, and it sounds like she has a positive attitude toward meeting the woman, and knowing more about her Dad's life. Having her be interested and positive is way better than angry and disinterested. If I was falling hard for someone, I'd need to involve the kids, but only peripherally. A trip to the park, things like that. A happy medium. Just my 2¢ Personally, right now, I wouldn't mind having your problem. :) Personally, I think it’s a good idea to keep the dating life and the parenting life separate. But I also know there’s no way to pull one over on my 11 year old daughter. Trying to keep things too “under wraps” will just make her more interested in finding out what’s going on.

Besides, she’s showing an interest in her Dad, and it sounds like she has a positive attitude toward meeting the woman, and knowing more about her Dad’s life. Having her be interested and positive is way better than angry and disinterested.

If I was falling hard for someone, I’d need to involve the kids, but only peripherally. A trip to the park, things like that. A happy medium.

Just my 2¢ Personally, right now, I wouldn’t mind having your problem. :)

]]> By: Bill http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/my-kid-doesnt-need-to-meet-my-new-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-3115 Bill Tue, 06 Oct 2009 18:10:14 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6044#comment-3115 I agree, it's ok and you should wait until it's truly serious. But also explain that to them as well. Open and honest will serve well on both sides of the fence. If you want your kids to grow up and be open and honest with you, they can only learn that from your behavior now. I agree, it’s ok and you should wait until it’s truly serious. But also explain that to them as well. Open and honest will serve well on both sides of the fence. If you want your kids to grow up and be open and honest with you, they can only learn that from your behavior now.

]]> By: BigLittleWolf http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/my-kid-doesnt-need-to-meet-my-new-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-3114 BigLittleWolf Tue, 06 Oct 2009 17:58:56 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6044#comment-3114 I think this dad has done EXACTLY the right thing, and I wouldn't categorize separation of "church and state" as "secrecy" either. We don't know the particulars: how long since the divorce, the relationship with his daughter and ex, the extent to which the little girl gets attached to adults. Keeping a dating life out of his parenting time makes perfect sense. Right around the time kids are tweens, if there's enough water under the bridge, they WANT to see their parents happy, even if it's separately. My guess is this is the ideal time for him to be able to introduce a bit of his dating life, and to explain that this is a wonderful woman, but not yet his "girlfriend" or not yet serious. Or, if (and when) that changes, to present the relationship accordingly. This dad has been appropriately protecting his privacy and his daughter's feelings. (And he also needs to NOT let her push the relationship along, because she wants it! I've seen that, too!) .-= BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..<a href="http://dailyplateofcrazy.wordpress.com/2009/10/06/wanted-men-in-togas-pay-negotiable/" rel="nofollow">Wanted: Men in togas. Pay negotiable.</a> =-. I think this dad has done EXACTLY the right thing, and I wouldn’t categorize separation of “church and state” as “secrecy” either.

We don’t know the particulars: how long since the divorce, the relationship with his daughter and ex, the extent to which the little girl gets attached to adults. Keeping a dating life out of his parenting time makes perfect sense.

Right around the time kids are tweens, if there’s enough water under the bridge, they WANT to see their parents happy, even if it’s separately. My guess is this is the ideal time for him to be able to introduce a bit of his dating life, and to explain that this is a wonderful woman, but not yet his “girlfriend” or not yet serious.

Or, if (and when) that changes, to present the relationship accordingly.

This dad has been appropriately protecting his privacy and his daughter’s feelings. (And he also needs to NOT let her push the relationship along, because she wants it! I’ve seen that, too!)
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Wanted: Men in togas. Pay negotiable. My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Dr. Leah http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/my-kid-doesnt-need-to-meet-my-new-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-3113 Dr. Leah Tue, 06 Oct 2009 17:35:19 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6044#comment-3113 Great comments filled with insight and experience. Thank you! @T: Unless you have first hand experience, you just can't know how *Perceptive* little girls can wring the information out of you --been there and done that. Absolutely, boundaries. And your comfort level. And your own truth about the difference between secrecy and privacy. Great comments filled with insight and experience. Thank you!

@T: Unless you have first hand experience, you just can’t know how *Perceptive* little girls can wring the information out of you –been there and done that.

Absolutely, boundaries. And your comfort level. And your own truth about the difference between secrecy and privacy.

]]> By: T http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/my-kid-doesnt-need-to-meet-my-new-girlfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-3112 T Tue, 06 Oct 2009 17:04:19 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6044#comment-3112 Oooo! These are all great comments! I think this is a great opportunity for him to talk to his daughter about dating. My girls love to know about my relationships. I think relationships are all learning devices. He should introduce her when he feels that he is ready. And yes, talk to his daughter but decide on a good boundary first. Those perceptive girls (boy do I know it) can lead you into giving more information than you intended to!! .-= T´s last blog ..<a href="http://tsquest.blogspot.com/2009/10/post-traumatic.html" rel="nofollow">Post Traumatic</a> =-. Oooo! These are all great comments!

I think this is a great opportunity for him to talk to his daughter about dating. My girls love to know about my relationships. I think relationships are all learning devices.

He should introduce her when he feels that he is ready. And yes, talk to his daughter but decide on a good boundary first. Those perceptive girls (boy do I know it) can lead you into giving more information than you intended to!!
T´s last blog ..Post Traumatic My ComLuv Profile

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