Comments on: Is it okay when your ex brings a date to school events? http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/running-into-my-ex-at-back-to-school-night/ a whole new way to think about real life Sun, 14 Mar 2010 15:40:42 +0000 http://wordpress.org/ hourly 1 By: Mydria http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/running-into-my-ex-at-back-to-school-night/comment-page-1/#comment-3303 Mydria Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:15:47 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6305#comment-3303 The same thing actually happened to me last year at my son's preschool. It was the first event where we ever represented ourselves as our son's parents, so I thought it should be just us - mom and dad, not mom and dad and girlfriend. But after talking to a friend of mine who is the "girlfriend" in her situation, she said that it's important for the girlfriend to be there is she is playing an active role in my son's life, which she is. This year when open house came around, I invited both of them to come, and when dad couldn't make it, I asked if the girlfriend could come accompany me without him. It took me a while, but I finally got to that point. The girlfriend is pretty much like a stepmom to my son, and I don't know what it's like to be a kid with a stepmom (my mom was divorced but never remarried or had a bf active in our lives). But when I looked at it from my son's perspective, it made sense to include her. Our course, we'll have some boundaries, but it's important that we all be involved in my son's education. The same thing actually happened to me last year at my son’s preschool. It was the first event where we ever represented ourselves as our son’s parents, so I thought it should be just us – mom and dad, not mom and dad and girlfriend. But after talking to a friend of mine who is the “girlfriend” in her situation, she said that it’s important for the girlfriend to be there is she is playing an active role in my son’s life, which she is. This year when open house came around, I invited both of them to come, and when dad couldn’t make it, I asked if the girlfriend could come accompany me without him. It took me a while, but I finally got to that point. The girlfriend is pretty much like a stepmom to my son, and I don’t know what it’s like to be a kid with a stepmom (my mom was divorced but never remarried or had a bf active in our lives). But when I looked at it from my son’s perspective, it made sense to include her. Our course, we’ll have some boundaries, but it’s important that we all be involved in my son’s education.

]]> By: Dr. Leah http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/running-into-my-ex-at-back-to-school-night/comment-page-1/#comment-3258 Dr. Leah Fri, 16 Oct 2009 11:08:09 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6305#comment-3258 <strong>Jolene: </strong>Welcome to Singlemommyhood. We agree. An email heads up would have eased a lot of stress. Thanks for joining our conversation. Jolene: Welcome to Singlemommyhood. We agree. An email heads up would have eased a lot of stress. Thanks for joining our conversation.

]]> By: Jolene http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/running-into-my-ex-at-back-to-school-night/comment-page-1/#comment-3253 Jolene Fri, 16 Oct 2009 02:25:37 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6305#comment-3253 I agree with the posts about if the relationship is new, than no. But I must say... in this case, we have to remember to put ourselves in those shoes and if we were dating someone serious and they wanted to be a part of our childrens lives that it would be alright. What is good for us has to be good for them. Again, I don't agree if this is a brand new girlfriend... and he should have let her known ahead of time. Even if they are not speaking the right thing to do was to email her to give her a heads up so it was not such a shock to the system. .-= Jolene´s last blog ..<a href="http://threeunder4whatwasithinking.blogspot.com/2009/10/test.html" rel="nofollow">The Test</a> =-. I agree with the posts about if the relationship is new, than no. But I must say… in this case, we have to remember to put ourselves in those shoes and if we were dating someone serious and they wanted to be a part of our childrens lives that it would be alright. What is good for us has to be good for them. Again, I don’t agree if this is a brand new girlfriend… and he should have let her known ahead of time. Even if they are not speaking the right thing to do was to email her to give her a heads up so it was not such a shock to the system.
Jolene´s last blog ..The Test My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Anna http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/running-into-my-ex-at-back-to-school-night/comment-page-1/#comment-3251 Anna Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:35:38 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6305#comment-3251 I say no. Unless they are soon-to-be-married, and the future step-parent wants to take an active role, it smacks of using school events as a forum to show off. And I don't think it's judgmental -- co-parents should be able to be cognizant of each other's needs and wishes in order to be able to function in the best interests of the child. I say no. Unless they are soon-to-be-married, and the future step-parent wants to take an active role, it smacks of using school events as a forum to show off. And I don’t think it’s judgmental — co-parents should be able to be cognizant of each other’s needs and wishes in order to be able to function in the best interests of the child.

]]> By: Dr. Leah http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/running-into-my-ex-at-back-to-school-night/comment-page-1/#comment-3249 Dr. Leah Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:26:03 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6305#comment-3249 <strong>Cathy:</strong>Welcome to our Singlemommyhood community. Integrity - I really like that! Thanks for adding to this important conversation. Cathy:Welcome to our Singlemommyhood community. Integrity – I really like that! Thanks for adding to this important conversation.

]]> By: BigLittleWolf http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/running-into-my-ex-at-back-to-school-night/comment-page-1/#comment-3248 BigLittleWolf Thu, 15 Oct 2009 19:43:49 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6305#comment-3248 I don't think this is judging. And this also has nothing to do with "the ring finger." It has to do with what is comfortable for the CHILD. And that's all about the particulars of this kid, how long since the break up of the marriage, the relationships among the parties involved. Many adult exes do not act like adults. It's a problem. And even a bigger problem for the major events in kids' lives that they spend years working towards or dreaming of - including graduations, special birthdays, bar & bat mitzvahs, performances, award ceremonies. All it takes is one thoughtless ex (remarried or not) to put a damper on something that ought to be for and about the child. Adults should know better. .-= BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..<a href="http://dailyplateofcrazy.wordpress.com/2009/10/15/no-date-3-just-not-that-into-me/" rel="nofollow">Fab date 1. Fab date 2. NO date 3. Just not that into me?</a> =-. I don’t think this is judging. And this also has nothing to do with “the ring finger.” It has to do with what is comfortable for the CHILD.

And that’s all about the particulars of this kid, how long since the break up of the marriage, the relationships among the parties involved.

Many adult exes do not act like adults. It’s a problem. And even a bigger problem for the major events in kids’ lives that they spend years working towards or dreaming of – including graduations, special birthdays, bar & bat mitzvahs, performances, award ceremonies.

All it takes is one thoughtless ex (remarried or not) to put a damper on something that ought to be for and about the child. Adults should know better.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Fab date 1. Fab date 2. NO date 3. Just not that into me? My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Cathy http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/running-into-my-ex-at-back-to-school-night/comment-page-1/#comment-3247 Cathy Thu, 15 Oct 2009 19:11:45 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6305#comment-3247 I can't add much after what Jenny said. I will say that once we divorce we have to let go of what we think our ex "should" or "shouldn't" being doing. The only thing in our control is what we do and doing whatever we do with integrity. I can’t add much after what Jenny said.

I will say that once we divorce we have to let go of what we think our ex “should” or “shouldn’t” being doing.

The only thing in our control is what we do and doing whatever we do with integrity.

]]> By: Dr. Leah http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/running-into-my-ex-at-back-to-school-night/comment-page-1/#comment-3246 Dr. Leah Thu, 15 Oct 2009 14:19:13 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6305#comment-3246 <strong>Jenny: </strong>Welcome to our community! Your thoughts add so much to our conversation. Especially "old memories" as they relate to what's happening now for our kids. Thanks so much for sharing your perspective with us. Jenny: Welcome to our community! Your thoughts add so much to our conversation. Especially “old memories” as they relate to what’s happening now for our kids. Thanks so much for sharing your perspective with us.

]]> By: Avigail74 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/running-into-my-ex-at-back-to-school-night/comment-page-1/#comment-3245 Avigail74 Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:14:47 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6305#comment-3245 The marriage is over---so let it go. Whatever the other parent does is absolutely out of your control--so it really doesn't matter if it's right or wrong. One of the first advice I give to newly divorced parents is to completely let go of control--and let the other parent do what he or she wants to do. The sooner the newly divorced parent is able to do that, the sooner s/he can move on. There will always be plenty of things that the other parent does that irks you beyond belief---gotta let that go too. Two things I want to share: I was one of those "other parents" that showed up at school functions--neither ex-wife nor child minded. I wanted to be involved in the child's life--in fact, both were really appreciative of sharing me. Secondly, it always sucks to see that other parnter---so gotta get over that too. .-= Avigail74´s last blog ..<a href="http://avigail74.blogspot.com/2009/07/gypsy-family.html" rel="nofollow">Gypsy Family</a> =-. The marriage is over—so let it go. Whatever the other parent does is absolutely out of your control–so it really doesn’t matter if it’s right or wrong. One of the first advice I give to newly divorced parents is to completely let go of control–and let the other parent do what he or she wants to do. The sooner the newly divorced parent is able to do that, the sooner s/he can move on. There will always be plenty of things that the other parent does that irks you beyond belief—gotta let that go too.

Two things I want to share:

I was one of those “other parents” that showed up at school functions–neither ex-wife nor child minded. I wanted to be involved in the child’s life–in fact, both were really appreciative of sharing me.

Secondly, it always sucks to see that other parnter—so gotta get over that too.
Avigail74´s last blog ..Gypsy Family My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Jenny http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/10/running-into-my-ex-at-back-to-school-night/comment-page-1/#comment-3243 Jenny Thu, 15 Oct 2009 06:38:29 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6305#comment-3243 I think that no matter what - it's not going to feel right if the Ex brings a date. (Hopefully the ex partner thinks about how the child will feel with the girlfriend there.) Whether bringing a date is appropriate or not is an irrelevant point - what matters is how a Woman/Mother handles the situation. As Mothers we need to show our children how to handle uncomfortable settings and how to be polite. Hurt feelings aside, we need to hold our heads up and continue on with our childrens' event. We also have to remember that the event we're attending has nothing to do with our child & spousal support/finances, old memories, old/new arguements, etc, and to just be there and be present for our little ones. If they're meant to build a relationship with the new partner then it will happen. In the end we have no control over the Ex, the new love interest, or how they behave, but we can make requests out of respect for each other and hope for the best. We can live in integrity. .-= Jenny´s last blog ..<a href="http://solomommy1.blogspot.com/2009/09/stay-strong.html" rel="nofollow">Stay Strong</a> =-. I think that no matter what – it’s not going to feel right if the Ex brings a date. (Hopefully the ex partner thinks about how the child will feel with the girlfriend there.) Whether bringing a date is appropriate or not is an irrelevant point – what matters is how a Woman/Mother handles the situation.

As Mothers we need to show our children how to handle uncomfortable settings and how to be polite. Hurt feelings aside, we need to hold our heads up and continue on with our childrens’ event.

We also have to remember that the event we’re attending has nothing to do with our child & spousal support/finances, old memories, old/new arguements, etc, and to just be there and be present for our little ones. If they’re meant to build a relationship with the new partner then it will happen.

In the end we have no control over the Ex, the new love interest, or how they behave, but we can make requests out of respect for each other and hope for the best. We can live in integrity.
Jenny´s last blog ..Stay Strong My ComLuv Profile

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