Comments on: My ex is dating a convicted murderer. Say what?

By: Lauren

Lauren — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 18:47:31 +0000

@Richard Hartley First and foremost, I would say that your kids should not be allowed to use Facebook before 18. While I’m sorry that you are in such a stressful situation, I am going to be frank. It is your job as a parent to protect your children, not Facebook’s. Your kids need limits, and this is one of those times where they need you to set and enforce rules to protect their wellbeing, not to let them do something because their friends are doing it. That’s just my opinion, I suppose, but seems an obvious solution nonetheless.
Lauren´s last blog ..You Won’t Find It Here

By: Dr. Leah

Dr. Leah — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 14:29:11 +0000

@Richard Hartley This is really distressing for so many reasons. Does anyone have a suggestion on what other options he might explore?

By: Richard Hartley

Richard Hartley — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 02:09:43 +0000

I stayed with a woman 17 years who had an explosive temper, threatened to kill me or have me killed. She stole thousands of dollars from two different employers, is wanted by law enforcement in two states, she forged my name on loan and credit apps, hooked scammers into our bank accounts multiple times against my wishes, totally sabotaged my credit blah blah blah.
She had numerous lesbian affairs behind my back and is close friends with a man who did time for murder.
Did I shoot her? No. Left her in the dust. And get this – Facebook is allowing that convicted murderer to contact my kids. According to Facebook, parents have no rights to protect their minor children. I’ve sent numerous e-mails, made phone calls (facebook always hangs up on me) and even sent an e-mail to Mr. Zuckerberg. No response.

By: Ms. No Single Mama Drama

Ms. No Single Mama Drama — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 18:52:57 +0000

Wow!

I think it depends on the crime. Violent crimes, sex offenses, etc. – I’m having a major problem with. A person with a trespassing charge that was never in trouble before or after is totally different.

I would, however, voice my concern and ask that my children not interact with the girlfriend, if at all possible, given the circumstance.

Is the father crazy? Why would you want to date someone that has killed her former spouse–especially in front of her own children–mind blowing.
Ms. No Single Mama Drama´s last blog ..Tiger Woods: Is Elin Preparing for Single Mommyhood?

By: Dr. Leah

Dr. Leah — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 11:53:31 +0000

Amy Anderson: Thanks so much for keeping all of us posted on the emerging details of this horrific parenting challenge. We’re stunned that Dad knew of her background. We assumed—or may-be just hoped — that he simply liked what he saw . . . and didn’t ask much beyond that. You’re certainly not alone in realizing that the person you chose was simply not the person you deserved.

Lauren: You contributed so much insight to this conversation. We’re grateful. And we’re mulling over what you said about losing supervisory control over your kids when they are with the other parent.

By: Amy Anderson

Amy Anderson — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 07:25:50 +0000

Thanks for your support Lauren. It’s complicated as we share custody and it’s truly up to a judge to decide if “enough is finally enough” from her father and his poor parenting choices. That really is the core of my shock here. The parenting investigator on our case is going to investigate and report to the court on her findings. Due to numerous other smaller offenses on his behalf she may be finally ready to say “Ok this guy has no parenting compass” and make that recommendation. Without it my daughter is at his mercy really and I am always going to be on the alert and ready to pounce. It’s truly exhausting to be the private investigator that I have to be for her. It’s all up to some strangers perception of what is and isn’t acceptable and unfortunately these folks see such atrociousness every day that this may seem minor to her or to the judge. He happens to live in a high crime county as well where this is not so unusual compared to where I reside. We as parents just have to listen to that gut instinct and follow it when we can. I chose a person with no moral standing to lie down with. Lesson learned.

By: Lauren

Lauren — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 05:06:32 +0000

Amy,

Great instincts on your part! Your situation is proof positive that as moms, we have to listen to our gut when it comes to our children. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this extremely stressful and scary situation.

In a discussion with an acquaintance recently, I mentioned that one of the biggest challenges a single parent faces is relinquishing parental influence and supervision while your child is with the other parent. Your situation takes this challenge to a whole new level.

I’m curious if the restraining order alone satisfies you, or if you are in agreement with my most recent comment, in which I suggest that your daughter’s father has proven himself unfit due to his poor decision-making on your daughter’s behalf.

What will you do next? How can we (other single parents reading this) support you?

If you’re interested in discussing further offline, you can find my email through the blog link a the end of my comment.
Lauren´s last blog ..Blog, Blog, Blog

By: Amy Anderson

Amy Anderson — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 03:04:44 +0000

So here’s the finale. Dad DID know about this woman’s history and he simply decided to ignore it. She shot her husband in the head over a credit card application and there was NO hisotry of domesstic violence ever reported. He did not touch her on that day. It was 5:28pm in the evening and 3 children were in the next room of their trailer. There is no “oh poor girl” to be had here. There simply is no excuse. It was cold, it was in front of her children and it was murder.

Dad stands by her fully. She had been released this summer after spending 6.2 years of her 7.5 year sentence. The restraining order was entered today prohibiting dad from allowing our child near this woman. He may carry on with her as he sees fit, but no longer in the presence of my child. She got out of prison after killing her husband and jumped into a relationship with the first man that she attracted. The children (3 girls ages 9 & 11) were introduced IMMEDIATELY as they attend the same school. All dates are “group” dates with the children. My concern was that dad will eventually have an altercation with this woman (she has a very emotionally explosive past) and it would of course occur in front of the children.

I did extensive research and between my attorney, the internet and public court records was able to discover all details about this woman’s history. I even was able to call her probation officer and get more info.

I had a feeling something was up with this newest girlfriend and I did a google search, that’s all and I’m so happy I am the nosey mother that I am.

I stand by my feeling that if the gender roles were reversed this person would still be in prison and not living with the children in her mother’s home. The school would have taken it more seriously as well.(She was allowed to attend a field trip recently with all the kids). She’s free and clear walking in and out of my child’s school, dating, creating her facebook page, lunching with the church social moms as if she did nothing. It’s infuriating and makes me truly sick how easy society is on this type of “crime of passion”. He was a person a father of 4, he’s gone and seems like he’s totally forgotten by her, and by society.

By: Lauren

Lauren — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:58:43 +0000

(I tried to respond from my phone, but I don’t think it worked. If this ends up as a duplicate, I apologize.)

Good point, Dr. Leah. I had responded based on the assumption that the dad knew. If the dad did not know, then I would say that the first thing mom should have done (perhaps she did?) is tell him. And then remove her daughter from the situation until the dad ends the relationship. If the dad does not end the relationship, then I would suggest she take my original advice. I stand by this advice even if there is a chance that the girlfriend “didn’t do it” or there was domestic violence, etc. This is just a girlfriend — not worth even POSSIBLY putting a child in danger or under the influence of “bad” people. Dad needs to put child first and move on. There are other women out there, and it sounds like he doesn’t have a problem finding them, based on the original letter from the mom.

Until further discovery, it may actually be too early for us to be giving advice. Would you agree?
Lauren´s last blog ..An Awesome Little Team

By: Dr. Leah

Dr. Leah — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:54:52 +0000

Amy Anderson: I don’t think anyone thinks this single mom should sit back and relax. This is a stunning situation.

Lauren: I wonder if Dad knew about this woman’s background. It would seem that if Dad knew he would feel too threatened to stay in this relationship. Or not? Is it possible that Dad simply did not know?

As soon as we have answers to the “dad” questions, we’ll definitely let all of you know.