Comments on: My kid still wants to sleep in my bed. Help! http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/11/my-kid-still-wants-to-sleep-in-my-bed-help/ a whole new way to think about real life Tue, 16 Mar 2010 20:15:08 +0000 http://wordpress.org/ hourly 1 By: Clarisse http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/11/my-kid-still-wants-to-sleep-in-my-bed-help/comment-page-1/#comment-4046 Clarisse Wed, 16 Dec 2009 06:28:47 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6740#comment-4046 I will admit I didn't read through all of the postings but I do agree that the wanting the bed to have sex and ending cosleeping are two separate issues. I disagree with the commenters who say kids belong in their own bed, sleeping arraignments are cultural and depend on the individuals in a family. First off, sex does not have to happen in a bed. This is what we're most used to, but romance, making love, sex whatever you want to call it can happen anywhere, its the feeling that is genuine, not the place. Respect your daughter. While you may want 'your' bed back, apparently she considers it 'her' bed too. I would treat her gently, and humanely if you truly want to sleep alone and not just for the sex, this transition can take weeks-months! I will admit I didn’t read through all of the postings but I do agree that the wanting the bed to have sex and ending cosleeping are two separate issues.

I disagree with the commenters who say kids belong in their own bed, sleeping arraignments are cultural and depend on the individuals in a family.

First off, sex does not have to happen in a bed. This is what we’re most used to, but romance, making love, sex whatever you want to call it can happen anywhere, its the feeling that is genuine, not the place.

Respect your daughter. While you may want ‘your’ bed back, apparently she considers it ‘her’ bed too. I would treat her gently, and humanely if you truly want to sleep alone and not just for the sex, this transition can take weeks-months!

]]> By: Dr. Leah http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/11/my-kid-still-wants-to-sleep-in-my-bed-help/comment-page-1/#comment-3547 Dr. Leah Sun, 08 Nov 2009 19:16:07 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6740#comment-3547 <strong>Swati Bharteey: </strong>Thanks for adding to the conversation. Just so you know, you are not alone. There were <em>plenty</em> of nights I changed beds with my daughter, too. Swati Bharteey: Thanks for adding to the conversation. Just so you know, you are not alone. There were plenty of nights I changed beds with my daughter, too.

]]> By: Swati Bharteey http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/11/my-kid-still-wants-to-sleep-in-my-bed-help/comment-page-1/#comment-3546 Swati Bharteey Sun, 08 Nov 2009 16:37:37 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6740#comment-3546 Hi: I think you have to think about creating time and space for yourself...and try to envision what you want whether you have a boyfriend or not. So, if you are going to be strict about not having a bed-bug snuggling with you at night while you are dating this man, are you prepared to do the same exact thing if you suddenly aren't dating him? I think they are 2 separate issue as well, and, before you act, just take a couple of moments to make certain you will consistent in what you say or do. I have an 8 year old daughter and there have been times when she had a bad dream and the following weeks are filled with tears and requests to sleep in my bed. I have given in - and sometimes, after she falls asleep, I sneak to HER bed (which is of top notch quality, thanks to my parents). I think there is something to a mother's sixth sense - sometimes the kids are feeling insecure and it helps them to be close to you. I don't see the harm in that. Obviously, it cannot be a nightly request. Don't worry - either way, she won't want to be associated with you once she hits her teens :-)! Swati Bharteey www.thesinglemotherschronicles.com .-= Swati Bharteey´s last blog ..<a href="http://www.thesinglemotherschronicles.com/?p=89" rel="nofollow">Number 3: I am Super Single Mom, former Superwoman…</a> =-. Hi:
I think you have to think about creating time and space for yourself…and try to envision what you want whether you have a boyfriend or not. So, if you are going to be strict about not having a bed-bug snuggling with you at night while you are dating this man, are you prepared to do the same exact thing if you suddenly aren’t dating him? I think they are 2 separate issue as well, and, before you act, just take a couple of moments to make certain you will consistent in what you say or do. I have an 8 year old daughter and there have been times when she had a bad dream and the following weeks are filled with tears and requests to sleep in my bed. I have given in – and sometimes, after she falls asleep, I sneak to HER bed (which is of top notch quality, thanks to my parents). I think there is something to a mother’s sixth sense – sometimes the kids are feeling insecure and it helps them to be close to you. I don’t see the harm in that. Obviously, it cannot be a nightly request. Don’t worry – either way, she won’t want to be associated with you once she hits her teens :-) !
Swati Bharteey
http://www.thesinglemotherschronicles.com
Swati Bharteey´s last blog ..Number 3: I am Super Single Mom, former Superwoman… My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Single Mom Seeking http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/11/my-kid-still-wants-to-sleep-in-my-bed-help/comment-page-1/#comment-3521 Single Mom Seeking Thu, 05 Nov 2009 20:38:30 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6740#comment-3521 @Chai_Girl: Thanks so much for reminding all of us that this co-sleeping challenge is NOT just something that single parents deal with.... so true! .-= Single Mom Seeking´s last blog ..<a href="http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/11/my-kid-still-wants-to-sleep-in-my-bed-help/" rel="nofollow">My kid still wants to sleep in my bed. Help!</a> =-. @Chai_Girl: Thanks so much for reminding all of us that this co-sleeping challenge is NOT just something that single parents deal with…. so true!
Single Mom Seeking´s last blog ..My kid still wants to sleep in my bed. Help! My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: chai_girl http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/11/my-kid-still-wants-to-sleep-in-my-bed-help/comment-page-1/#comment-3520 chai_girl Thu, 05 Nov 2009 20:21:05 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6740#comment-3520 I was talking to a friend of mine on the phone last night. She is married and has a three-year-old. In the background, I could hear Dad trying to get the little girl to bed. "But I'm not tired, Daddy! I want to sleep with you and mommy!" I started laughing and my friend confessed that they had gotten their daughter sleeping in her own bed but recently she had regressed and was wanting to sleep in the big bed with Mommy and Daddy. My friend said she felt bad but between not getting any sleep and not being able to have sex, she and her husband were getting pretty cranky. So, it isn't just a single parent issue! :-) I was talking to a friend of mine on the phone last night. She is married and has a three-year-old. In the background, I could hear Dad trying to get the little girl to bed. “But I’m not tired, Daddy! I want to sleep with you and mommy!”

I started laughing and my friend confessed that they had gotten their daughter sleeping in her own bed but recently she had regressed and was wanting to sleep in the big bed with Mommy and Daddy. My friend said she felt bad but between not getting any sleep and not being able to have sex, she and her husband were getting pretty cranky.

So, it isn’t just a single parent issue! :-)

]]> By: Heather Kirk http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/11/my-kid-still-wants-to-sleep-in-my-bed-help/comment-page-1/#comment-3519 Heather Kirk Thu, 05 Nov 2009 01:37:11 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6740#comment-3519 I went through a stage with my daughter where she wanted to sleep with me every night. A good friend of mine let her daughter sleep with her and finally at the age of 10 got her to sleep in her own bed. She said don't let you daughter sleep with you she will never sleep in her own bed if you do. We for months my daughter would slip into my bed in the middle of the night. I would end of waking up and not sleep well. To make a long story short I was ALWAYS tired. So I talked with my daughter about how mom needs to sleep in her own bed so that she can get the sleep that she needs. I told her that she can sleep with me when she don't feel well. If she feels the need to sleep with mommy that she can sleep on my floor but only if she woke me up to tell me she was going to sleep on my floor. This has worked out really well. At first she slept on my floor all the time but I think she got tired of sleeping on the hard floor. Now she only sleeps on my floor about once a month. It took awhile but I did get her out of my bed and into her own bed. It was better all around for both of us. I went through a stage with my daughter where she wanted to sleep with me every night. A good friend of mine let her daughter sleep with her and finally at the age of 10 got her to sleep in her own bed. She said don’t let you daughter sleep with you she will never sleep in her own bed if you do. We for months my daughter would slip into my bed in the middle of the night. I would end of waking up and not sleep well. To make a long story short I was ALWAYS tired. So I talked with my daughter about how mom needs to sleep in her own bed so that she can get the sleep that she needs. I told her that she can sleep with me when she don’t feel well. If she feels the need to sleep with mommy that she can sleep on my floor but only if she woke me up to tell me she was going to sleep on my floor. This has worked out really well. At first she slept on my floor all the time but I think she got tired of sleeping on the hard floor. Now she only sleeps on my floor about once a month. It took awhile but I did get her out of my bed and into her own bed. It was better all around for both of us.

]]> By: Lovebabz http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/11/my-kid-still-wants-to-sleep-in-my-bed-help/comment-page-1/#comment-3518 Lovebabz Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:50:53 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6740#comment-3518 It doesn't matter the motivation. Kids need to sleep in their own beds. The Mommy bed has to be for the mommy. Children are unbelievably resilient, but we have to be the PARENT and set the boundaries, the rules, the MAP! As the mother of 4 I have shut down My bedroom as the "family room" I have recapture my room as my sanctuary...the place where I have amazing sex. Now you could try laying in her bed with her a few nights (I did this with Margeaux--my youngest). But beyond that kids need to have their own space too and that includes their own bed. .-= Lovebabz´s last blog ..<a href="http://lovebabz.blogspot.com/2009/11/lovetalk-radio-schedule-november-2009.html" rel="nofollow">LOVETALK RADIO SCHEDULE NOVEMBER 2009</a> =-. It doesn’t matter the motivation. Kids need to sleep in their own beds. The Mommy bed has to be for the mommy. Children are unbelievably resilient, but we have to be the PARENT and set the boundaries, the rules, the MAP! As the mother of 4 I have shut down My bedroom as the “family room” I have recapture my room as my sanctuary…the place where I have amazing sex. Now you could try laying in her bed with her a few nights (I did this with Margeaux–my youngest). But beyond that kids need to have their own space too and that includes their own bed.
Lovebabz´s last blog ..LOVETALK RADIO SCHEDULE NOVEMBER 2009 My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: MindyMom/Single Mom Says... http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/11/my-kid-still-wants-to-sleep-in-my-bed-help/comment-page-1/#comment-3516 MindyMom/Single Mom Says... Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:07:38 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6740#comment-3516 I've never had my kids in my bed. They started out in a crib in their own room and that is where they stayed. I do however let them come in for morning 'snuggle time' which they really enjoy - and I do to! How about trying a one-night-a-week 'sleepover' on the condition they stay in their own bed all other nights? .-= MindyMom/Single Mom Says...´s last blog ..<a href="http://singlemommindy.blogspot.com/2009/11/red-flags-how-to-spot-them.html" rel="nofollow">Red Flags & How to Spot Them</a> =-. I’ve never had my kids in my bed. They started out in a crib in their own room and that is where they stayed.

I do however let them come in for morning ’snuggle time’ which they really enjoy – and I do to!

How about trying a one-night-a-week ’sleepover’ on the condition they stay in their own bed all other nights?
MindyMom/Single Mom Says…´s last blog ..Red Flags & How to Spot Them My ComLuv Profile

]]> By: Rachel Sarah http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/11/my-kid-still-wants-to-sleep-in-my-bed-help/comment-page-1/#comment-3515 Rachel Sarah Wed, 04 Nov 2009 18:41:31 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6740#comment-3515 @Lauren: Ah, I remember this well with my three-year-old! (the kid sneaking in...)! Although she seemed very young at the time, I talked to her about having a "soothing plan." Okay, I didn't call it that. But I said something like, "You're such a big girl now, and when you wake up at night, I'm going to do one thing help you get back to bed." For her, it meant finding her "stuffy" again -- under the sheets -- and getting a short back rub. Of course, by then, I was wide awake.... @Lauren: Ah, I remember this well with my three-year-old! (the kid sneaking in…)!

Although she seemed very young at the time, I talked to her about having a “soothing plan.” Okay, I didn’t call it that. But I said something like, “You’re such a big girl now, and when you wake up at night, I’m going to do one thing help you get back to bed.”

For her, it meant finding her “stuffy” again — under the sheets — and getting a short back rub. Of course, by then, I was wide awake….

]]> By: Rachel Sarah http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2009/11/my-kid-still-wants-to-sleep-in-my-bed-help/comment-page-1/#comment-3514 Rachel Sarah Wed, 04 Nov 2009 18:38:29 +0000 http://www.singlemommyhood.com/?p=6740#comment-3514 @Wondermom: we appreciate your thoughtfulness on this one! Thanks for pointing out that the real issue here should be wanting to have your "mama" bed back as your own... but not because a boyfriend is sharing it. Perhaps those ARE two separate issues, and it's confusing to mix them up. <strong>Do others also agree that "if the boyfriend is worth his salt, he'll respect" this mom's decisions as she goes through this sleeping transition?</strong> @Wondermom: we appreciate your thoughtfulness on this one! Thanks for pointing out that the real issue here should be wanting to have your “mama” bed back as your own… but not because a boyfriend is sharing it. Perhaps those ARE two separate issues, and it’s confusing to mix them up.

Do others also agree that “if the boyfriend is worth his salt, he’ll respect” this mom’s decisions as she goes through this sleeping transition?

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