Should you invite Mr. Possible?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Dating, Single Moms
If you’ve ever felt lonely at the holidays, we hope you’ll read this one.
“I am so tired of spending the holidays alone,” began an email from a single mom reader. “I’m always in overdrive from Halloween to New Years — and not much of it is fun.”
She went on, however, to say that she had hope: she met a great guy at a conference a couple of weeks ago. And they definitely “connected.”
Here’s the dilemma: This single mom wants to invite this “great guy” and his kids to the family holiday dinner.
She explained that she’s tired of being the only solo at her extended family’s holiday celebration. This would be their first “kids-together” experience.
Her best friend is persuading her NOT to invite him. And she hasn’t even broached the subject with her mom. We understand her point of view. After all, the holidays without a special someone, can tempt you to “fast forward” a budding relationship.
Of course, this single mom (and the rest of us!) deserves romance. You agree, right?
We’re just a bit undecided about the timing and possible complications.
Dr. Leah, aka the Sanity Fairy, is anticipating not-so-happy visions of some sugar-charged kids who already in the expected holiday frenzy. Inevitable, her kids might squabble with his kids, and throw in a a couple of tantrums depending upon their ages.
We’d love to hear your thoughts:
Should this single mom just tough it out though another holiday family dinner without someone special at her side?
Or should this single mom celebrate this family holiday with someone lights her fire?
(Photo courtesy of Shannonsays via Flickr)
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I don’t think she should invite her new friend and his kids over, no. But there’s no reason that I can think of that they can’t figure out a way to get together, without their kids – perhaps a late-night snowy walk? – and still get to be with each other during the holiday.
My primary question would be if it might be a bit too soon/perceived as forward by the guy?
Zoeyjane
´s last blog ..On why I’m not sending you a Festivus Card
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The problem with that is that the notion of it can quickly become too seductive, as in, we’re all one big family! It’s hard to not fall into that trap. I would say no, don’t invite him. Sneak away and call him during the meal and maybe make plans to get together a different time.
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I have to vote for no Christmas dinner invite too. They only met a couple of weeks ago, right? I won’t introduce a guy to my best, least judgemental friends before at least a couple months, and my son and my family, even longer than that. Enjoy Christmas with your family, knowing in your heart you’re not alone, you’re at the beginning of a relationship that may grow naturally into something wonderful.
Tough it out for another holiday. I know it’s rough, but the timing is all wrong. I haven’t brought a guy to a family function in years…and there’s a good reason for that! I’m not with the ones that I did date and I’m so glad I didn’t have to explain to sisters/nieces/nephews/my son where Mr. Wrong went.
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Agreed with the above. I wouldn’t want to have such a personal-family experience so soon. I on the other hand, would love that walk. Late night hot cocoa’s and spending time alone with them during the holidays. But with the kids so soon? That’s a glorified babysitting job waiting for sugar-induced chaos.
Plus, your still working on the budding part. Don’t have it bloom so soon. It’s not ready.
But spend some enjoyable adult time doing the things that make for a great dating experience.
Travis´s last blog ..I Can’t Control My Fingers I Can’t Control My Toes
Twitter @ http://bigcitydadnyc.blogspot.com/
While I understand the lonely feeling, my feeling is that holidays in particular are reserved for family and close friends. If there hasn’t been an introduction prior to this, the holdays certainly aren’t the time to do it, both for your sake and for the kids. “Playing family” just isn’t something we should do as single parents. My Ex and I recently began seeing a child therapist to discuss topics such as this. She had some very interesting suggestions which you can find at this link:
http://bigcitydadnyc.blogspot.com/2009/11/introductions-to-significant-other.html
Good luck and enjoy the holidays.
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(Sigh) Why do we all feel such a longing to be with that ’special one’ at this time of year? Although I am more than happy being single at most other times, I am certainly feeling the lack of intimacy as the festive season approaches.
Unfortunately, I think that you really should not invite this guy and his kids to a big family ‘do’ this year. It’s way too soon and I’m sure you wouldn’t be even considering it if Christmas wasn’t looming. As others have suggested, arrange a time when the two of you can have some time together. I know it’s not the same but us single mums have to stay strong and remember what’s best for your kids – they want to feel comfortable and relaxed on Christmas Day and not have a stranger making eyes at their mum.
Have a wonderful holiday season and look forward to a fantastic year ahead full of health, happiness and (hopefully) loads of romance…!!
Orit
I’d vote no to the big family gathering, too. It is too much pressure for a new relationship. Maybe plan something on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day with the two immediate families.
Yes, it is tough having to deal with Aunt Maggie going “So, what about you? You seeing anyone, yet?” but if this works, it will be the last year that you have to deal with it.
Twitter @ aljolynn
I’d say no-go on the family dinner but why not meet up afterwards? Or the day after? Have a little post-Christmas rendevous.
The pressure of family during the holidays when it’s a pretty new thing is too much and could ignite the “fight or flight” inside of a person.
It would be more meaningful to bring someone that is definitely special to a family function rather than someone who might be. Sure she might have to deal with the single mama looks and feeling but that is the reality for now. Just think of when she does find someone special – it’ll make those family gatherings so much better knowing that she waited to bring Mr. For The Win – so to speak.
Good luck mama!
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Orit: So glad you’ve joined the conversation. Christmas looming can give a relationship dilemma an entirely different spin. Other readers seem to agree with you … it’s a better option to wait. Our fingers are also crossed that the New Year brings this mama lots of love and romance.