Have you met the Sanity Fairy?

Rachel Sarah — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 09:00:09 +0000

Solo Mother recently posted this comment on her blog about Dr. Leah:

“Dr. Leah, can I have your job? You seem to be the Sanity Fairy of Single Parenthood, as you flutter from blog to blog scattering good thoughts wherever you go.”

Solo Mother is right.

If you haven’t yet gotten acquainted with Dr. Leah Klungness, co-founder of Singlemommyhood.com, let us introduce you:

As you might know, Dr. Leah is the co-author of #1 self help book for single parents, The Complete Single Mother. But did you know that she earned her doctoral degree and license as a psychologist — while single parenting her two very young children?

Impressive, I say! Dr. Leah has helped thousands of single parents through sticky situations and emotional drama.

Please send your questions to her!

This just in from Maggie G:

“My three year old son lies on the floor kicking and screaming when I pick him up at day care. I always get there early so we can have extra time together.

The caregiver tells me he only acts this way for me.

Obviously, he hates me . . . I am a single mom failure.”

Happily, Dr. Leah, aka “The Sanity Fairy,” puts the whole situation into perspective.

I got very emotional when I read this e-mail. I vividly remember meltdowns like this with my kids. At the time, I thought that her behavior at day care pick-up was all about our upheaval at home and my inadequacies as a single mom.

Your kid does not hate you. In fact, quite the opposite! A failure? No way!

Toddlers feel safest with Mommy so they bottle up most of their feelings until they see her. This is why they kick and scream, refuse to put on their jackets, cry pitifully, and make us feel like they hate us.

The caregiver should have clued you in. Sometimes there is an unconscious competition between mothers and caregivers. If you picked up your son at the same time as the other parents, you would quickly see that your kid’s “reunion meltdown” is typical.

Here’s how to handle the situation:

“Reunion meltdowns” signal that your kid needs comfort, not discipline. Establish a routine for picking him up so he’ll know what to expect.

Give your little guy undivided attention when you first arrive home. Leave the dishes in the sink and the unopened mail. The phone messages can wait. Get down on your child’s level and follow his/her lead. Let your child lead play for 10 minutes. Snuggle.

Fortunately, this stage will not last forever. Before you know it, little kids morph into teenagers who conspicuously ignore you when you pick them up from a friend’s house or after school.

Are you the single parent of a toddler? Have you experienced similar feelings during a meltdown?

~~~

If you have any questions for Dr. Leah — about parenting, romance, divorce, your ex — please do share.

You can email us, or write your question in the comments.

Saying goodbye Rachel at Single Mom Seeking recently called me for some...

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Since you asked… Sex in the bathroom?

Dr. Leah — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 15:30:43 +0000

My boyfriend and I are about to book a long planned vacation to the beach.

While I’m researching travel packages, however, he is 24/7 obsessed with joining the “Mile High Club.”

What’s the Mile High Club?

It’s sneaking off to the toilets to have sex during the flight. I’m sorry, but this does not appeal to me. I’ve told him that I have no interest in sex on the potty.

But he says he wants to do this just once and, if I really loved him, I’d do it.

Does he have a point? Should I just do it to satisfy him?

~~~

Since you asked, Dr. Leah replies:

I agree:

Having sex in a public cramped public bathroom, with a line of anxious and uncomfortable people waiting for you to emerge?

No thank you.

When you do come out of the bathroom, no one will be fooled.

You are likely to get some knowing glances, as well as downright hostility.

Groping under those seldom laundered airplane blankets hoping your fellow passengers are distracted by the movie has nothing to do with affection, love, or respect. It is all about the thrill of having sex in public places.

The sex is not about connecting with you, it is being sneaky and getting away with it.

Here’s what I find worrisome. It’s his blatant attempts at emotional blackmail.

Haven’t we left that behind in high school? This whole conversation is about his needs. What happened to your expressed discomfort?

If you “do it” to make him happy, likely, you are going to feel resentful. Likely, you’ll ask yourself what happened to your needs for self respect and emotional comfort.

Relationships need mutual consent to thrive.

So, since you asked, MHC membership is clearly not a club you want to join. So don’t.

~~~

We want to hear from you.

Should she reevaluate her relationship since her boyfriend seems to have so little disregard for her feelings?

Or, maybe has Dr. Leah has over-analyzed a simple request designed to spice up this vacation getaway?

Photo from Cylonka