We all agree that dating is for grown-ups. And we all know that *romance* for single parents is often a complicated juggling act. Things get even more complicated if your kids insist on turning your bed into the family activity center. Or maybe your kids have just decided that they prefer sleeping in your bed.

One of the things we love about our readers is how incredibly honest you’ve been about your parenting choices — and how they have influenced your personal lives. We’ve learned so much for you. Thank you.

So, when we heard from a single dad with a 13-year-old son and an eight-year-old daughter — who says that he’s getting ready to bolt from a promising romantic relationship with a single mom — we knew right away that we had to get your perspective on this daunting relationship dilemma.

Here’s what this single dad told us:

“My girlfriend thinks it’s wrong for us to sleep together in the same house when the children are there.”

“But I think this is a normal part of a caring adult relationship. And it should not be hidden from the children.”

At least they are talking about their feelings about grown-up sleep-overs.

Yet, here’s what they are NOT talking about:

This single mom’s 10-year-old daughter sleeps in her bed every night. From the single dad’s perspective, this little girl has her mother right where she wants her. He sees this family bed arrangement — which this little girl vigorously demands — as manipulative nonsense. This single mom makes no attempt to change their sleeping arrangements. And she refuses to talk about this parenting choice with him.

Apparently, there are other *issues*, too. This single mom has been a solo parent since her daughter was born. And she’s fiercely independent. She holds strongly to her parenting beliefs, and seems very stubborn about changing them.

This single dad is grappling with a couple of tough questions. And needs your help.

Should this single dad hang in there and hope that with time — and trust — he and his girlfriend will come to a compromise about the sleep issue?

Or, is sleeping with her daughter really a signal from this single mom that there’s literally no room for him in her life?

Or, maybe these these sleeping arrangements are *normal* and just another relationship challenge they need to figure out?

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(Photo courtesy of Mary Moses via Flickr)

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So, what about your private life? We’re on track with the parenting stuff (most of the time). Frankly, the “private life”  is what we find most challenging.

We’ve chatted candidly @Singlemommyhood about where to hide the sex toys.

And we’ve talked about when it’s okay to have grown-up sleepovers. (That conversation got pretty intense.) Some of you aaid that kids can handle an occasional overnight guest (with certain precautions). Others, however, were adamantly opposed to overnight guests when your kids were home.

We’ve also gone on the record about the need for a lock on your bedroom door. And, although neither of us has gotten “caught in the act” by our kids (*sighs of relief*) , we’ve heard tales of little kids wandering in at an inopportune times.

No doubt, the single parent juggling act gets really complicated when your kids are officially teenagers.

We’ve wondered exactly how those complications might play out. So, when a single mom with teenagers commented here about getting “caught” having sex, it definitely got our attention.

Here’s what happened to this single mom with two teenage daughters:

“Last night, my 16-year-old twin daughters heard me being ‘intimate’ with my boyfriend. Or, at least they heard the radio that I had turned on so that they would NOT hear. Now my daughters are furious with me.

I’ve been divorced for over five years, and have been with this man for almost ten months. He’s a good man: considerate, kind, and soft-spoken. He makes an effort to chat with my girls — and listen to them. He’s always respectful and we’ve both taken measures to make our love life private. We believed, apparently incorrectly, that we were being quiet.”

In the meantime, her daughters told their grandma was happened (yes, this single mom’s mother!). The grandma said they’ve also told all of their friends, (please let that not be true!) who they say “never” have heard their parents having relations. (Of course this mother wonders: “If that is so, maybe they DON’T have relations — and how sad is that? Or, maybe they have larger houses than I do!”)

So, why doesn’t this single mom stay at her boyfriend’s home a couple nights a week? “Because I don’t want them to be alone, nor do I want them to think that I care more about him than I do about them,” she says. “I care about all of them!”

Understandably, this woman is confused –  and ashamed. “My daughters are so upset. Does that mean that I was selfish and unfeeling? Was I only thinking of myself? I want so much to be a good mother, but I have no idea what to do next.”

This is a tough dilemma.

We’re thinking that the girls’ extreme emotional might really be about something else … but what?

Were the girls really naive to the fact that Mom and her boyfriend have been intimate … for a while?

We’re hoping that you’ll share your own experiences and offer some advice. What should this single mom do now in the face of  this massive big kid drama?

~~~

We’re inspired by @TsQuest when she wrote about deftly handling her love life now that her kids are no longer babies.

(Photo courtesy of Morganbg via Flickr)

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So, this mom is grappling with a familiar parenting dilemma: her preschool-aged daughter still wants to sleep in her bed.

And this single mom is ready for this co-sleeping kid stage to end.

“I have heard that this  is a common problem with single parents,” she writes.

We chuckled, because actually, this is co-sleeping issue a common problem for all parents. We’ve talked about ways to determine if having your kid in your bed signal issues needing attention — or if it’s just a typical kid stage.

Here’s what “different” for single parents:

This single mom tells us that she has worked hard to create the life she deserves. She has banished the toys from her bedroom, and she has purged all those sticky relationship souvenirs.

Also (we’re not surprised), she’s has fallen in love. She recently introduced her little girl to her boyfriend, and they’re all enjoying spending time together. You know what’s coming next, right?

This mom would like to plan some *ahem* grown-up sleepovers. Yes, she’s ready to have sex in her own bed.

“I’m anxious to make this transition from co-sleeping to independent sleeping,” this mom adds. “I also believe that my little girl would gain some needed independence sleeping alone.”

In the meantime, her daughter is resisting any gentle hints that “big girls sleep in their own beds.” Her daughter probably senses a change in mom’s attitude about sleeping together. She’s growing more territorial and possessive about their shared bed.

“A part of me feels guilty about how much I would rather share my bed with a man I love — than snuggle up to my child at night,” this mom adds.

We totally understand. We make no judgments @Singlemommyhood. And we’re sure you’ve got strong opinions on this:

Is this single mom striving for sleep independence for the wrong reason?

Should she encourage her preschool child to sleep peacefully in her own bed?

Or, should she simply wait until her child is ready for independent sleeping — on her own?

(Photo courtesy of **LYN** via Flickr)

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