When we received this email from a single mom reader this week, we got worked up. That’s because we understand this situation too well. We have a feeling that you do, too.

Here’s what’s going on:

This single mom of a one-year-old daughter has recently been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that’s similar to Crohn’s. This illness has really caught her off guard — especially since she recently started grad school (we’re proud!). So, this mom has leaned on her own mom a lot lately, as she tries to get back on her feet again.

Understandably, Grandma has been stressed, too. She works outside the home and juggles family responsibilities. Fortunately, this single mom says: “My mom and I have a wonderful relationship. She and I communicate about everything, including her relationship struggles with my father.”

So, imagine this single mom’s surprise when she got an unexpected email from her aunt (her mother’s sister) that began: “I wanted to check to see how you’re feeling and to see if you need anything.”

But then the aunt quickly added: “I want you to remember that your mindset is a very important piece to feeling better. You have to get your mindset in the right place — and not let this condition take control of your life. I know that your condition is still acute, but you have to get your mind to start working with your body.”

Her aunt included a lengthy description about how much working out has made her own life better, and then this advice: “You have to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself to get with the program.”

The email rambled on. Essentially,  the aunt sounds like she’s blaming her niece for the stress that she’s causing the family: “You have to realize how much your Mom’s life changed. Just a couple of years ago, she was kayaking with your Dad and going to the gym. It’s great that she’s helping you, but she has let herself get too wrapped up and stressed out.”

The aunt closes her letter with: “Don’t ever be afraid to call me and ask me for help. You are all very precious to me and I love you dearly.”

In short, this email from her aunt really threw this single mom for a loop. And she was SO upset all week that she decided not to respond — yet. “I  want to respectfully tell my aunt to Mind Her Own Business,” this moms tell us.  “She doesn’t know the whole story! But I do not want to be crass or rude. Help!”

We’re curious about what advice YOU might offer:

How do you think this single mom should respond (or NOT) to her aunt? If so, what should this single mom say to her aunt?

We’re also curious if any of you have been blamed for family stress. If so, how did you handle it?

~~~

(Photo courtesy of Carla Smith)

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Is it just us, or have you also been noticing more and more toddlers “plugged in” at the dinner table?  Dr. Leah and I were trading notes about the last few times we ate out — I’m in San Francisco, and Dr. Leah is in New York — and both of us noticed that two and three-year-olds were on iPhones as their parents chatted away at dinner.

We understand that couple time can be very hard to come by. And we all crave adult conversation, especially when enjoying a restaurant meal.  As single parents, we also know it’s not always easy to get just 10 minutes of downtime. But we can’t help but wonder if all these kids on cell phones is some sort of American trend.  What do you think?

Almost half of the top 100-selling apps in the iTunes App Store are for preschool and elementary-aged children! Sure, these kids might be practicing their ABCs as their parents get some adult time.

But … we wonder how all this media usage affects young kids?

Please know: No judgments @Singlemommyhood – ever! We know that many of you consider iPhones and other technology innovations great teaching tools. And are justifiably proud of what your kids’ tech savvy.  Many of you are wary of too much  screen time, especially for young kids.

We’re *curious* to know what YOU think.   So, we’d love to hear your thoughts:

If you have a toddler, do you let him/her play on your phone?

If so, do you consider your phone a teaching tool?

Or is offering your phone to your child a last resort when you’re desperate?

~~~~~~

Photo courtesy of purplelime

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When we recently read a post on The Skinny on Sugar: How Much is Too Much?, we wondered whether you’re concerned about how much sugar your kids (and you) consume.

For the record: both of us have chocolate stashes in our cupboards. And, although we try to feed our kids wholesome foods, we have served our share of instant oatmeal and chocolate milk for breakfast. And flavored yogurt and PB&J for lunch.

In her post, food sociologist Dina Rose says it’s a parents’ job to “train” their kids’ taste buds for healthy eating.

“When it comes to sugar consumption you only need to consider one thing,” explains Dina. “How often is ’sweet’ the flavor your kids consume?”

Here’s another thing: We hear a lot of chatter from other parents about kids’ behavior and sugar consumption. We noticed during the holidays that kids acted out more as their sugar consumption rose.

Yet maybe it’s not the sugar, but rather the change in their routine and all the holiday excitement?

We’re curious (and we’re not judging because we’re in your shoes!):

Do you try to limit your kids’ sugar consumption? (Practical tips welcome!)

Do health concerns motivate your efforts to keep meals sugar-free?

Or, do you notice a real change in your kids’ behavior when they’re on “sugar over load”?

~~~

(Photo courtesy of Babi_Santander via Flickr)

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Surely, you’ve noticed this lately online: there has been A LOT of controversial bad-mouthing of fathers.

Interestingly, readers’ comments have highlighted the fact that the single parent community needs to protect our kids. We all agree that kids get hurt when one parent bad-mouths the other.

We also know that, someday, our kids will go online and read our blog entries about our exes — as well as any nasty comments we might leave.

This is why I’m confused: if bad-mouthing fathers in a public forum is not healthy, why do we keep doing it?

Of course, I chatted with Dr. Leah — aka The Sanity Fairy™ — to understand this contradictory blogging trend better.

Here’s what Dr. Leah says:

Bad-mouthing your kid’s father is destructive to your child.

All of it: the name-calling, the derisive nicknames, and the endless recitations of his inadequacies. Kids quickly learn that no matter how involved Dad is — or isn’t –  they are still “half that person.”

If Mom persists in bad-mouthing Dad, kids must cope with thinking of themselves as “half liars” or “half irresponsible jerks” or “half lazy dead beats.” Coping with the “bad half” dilemma is an enormous developmental challenge for kids.

On top of social pressures, academic demands, and all the rest, kids will be haunted by doubts about their self worth based on what they hear Mom say.

~~~

You might know that both Dr. Leah and I had quite traumatic experiences with the fathers of our children.

We have plenty we could say in public about them. But we don’t.

So, why do other parents — who are clearly loving and responsible –  continue to bad-mouth their kids’ dads?

We understand the need to have a place to vent. Many of us are caught in a “perfect storm” of broken relationships, legal system snafus and catch-22’s, and economic woes.

So, here you are, sitting at the computer screen while the kids are asleep or pleasantly occupied, clicking away. You might feel like you’re chatting with trusted friends.

Blogging — and commenting — often feels like chatting behind closed doors.

It’s not.

Even if you leave a negative comment on a blog about your ex, your kids can find it and read it. Sure, you might be anonymous, but your babies will one day be tech-savvy and literate. And they’ll have friends with those same skills.

Indeed, anonymous blogging is an oxymoron, don’t you think?

We’d like to know your thoughts:

Do you rely on blogs — writing a blog, or commenting on them — to face what the world throws at you, so that you’re better able to take care of your kids?

We admit that maybe we’re way off here.

Is blogging far more private than we perceive?

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