We know that all of you are working hard to create the lives you deserve.

For many of you, that begins with decluttering and purging out our your “marriage museum.” You’ve told us exactly how you have disposed those “souvenirs” from your past relationship.

But one “souvenir” seems to stump many of you: What do you do with your wedding album?

Wedding albums can be painful reminders about unfulfilled hope. Yet, these family pictures are priceless — and your kids seem to love to look through them.

We understand. Some of the purging is pretty easy. You toss out that dried-out cosmetics and expired food because there’s no emotional attachment, right?

Yet, we know how emotionally draining it is to throw something out – finally – that you thought you’d treasure forever.

We feel privileged and honored that you share so many personal feelings with us.  You’ve let us know that displaying (or not) your ex’s family pictures is a sensitive issue.  And there’s certainly not a one-size-fits-all solution to this dilemma.

It can be easy to talk about decluttering. We’ve gone on the record to say that clutter is THE enemy of all the good things (including great sex!) that YOU deserve. But where do you really start when it comes to something as precious as the photos from your wedding day?

Still, some stuff seems to stick to our souls. Say, a ticket stub, a Valentine’s Day card, or love note on a post-it.

And that’s where your wedding album comes in. We’d love to know:

Do you leave your wedding album out — and available–  for the kids’ sake? Or do you hide it away for your sake?

Frankly, we’re not sure. So, that’s why we’re asking you…What happened to your wedding album?

(Photo courtesy of L7Designs via Flickr)

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Has this ever happened to any of you?

You’ve had another fun, fabulous date — filled with great conversation, laughter, and sexual chemistry — and he invites you to his place. For the first time.

The timing is perfect: your kids are at your ex’s for the night — and his daughter is at a slumber party!

You don’t waste any time once you get inside his condo. He’s holding your hand, and you head straight for his bedroom.

When you step inside, he turns on the lamp, and there it is: a lavender duvet with pearl-colored ruffled pillows. Then he pulls the comforter back, and you spot the dainty flowered sheets.

No doubt about it: this man did not purchase such feminine “bedwear.” He ex picked these out… and you feel like you just stepped into their old life. You’re sleeping in “their” bed.

We all have a past but, jeesh! It’s challenging enough to start dating again as a single parent — and now you’ve got to will away thoughts of his past. In short, you’re trying to get your groove on in a marriage museum.

Surely, his ex has moved on to something silkier and sexier. She’s obviously been on a successful campaign to banish her ex-cooties.

And where does that leave you?

Of course, you understand the situation. Who wouldn’t want to run out and purchase a brand new bedroom set, duvet, and 800 thread count sheets post-divorce? But for most guys in this economy, that kind of cash is going toward the mortgage, car payments, and  child support. His priorities are obviously in the right place — responsibilities first – but you can’t help but wonder.

Do his thoughts wander back to “her” as you make love on the same sheets they once shared?

Has this ever happened to you?…. Or, has your date slept on the same sheets where you and your ex once got frisky?….

Thank you to Yummy Mammy for inspiring this post .

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In honor of spring, we’ve got new beginnings on our minds! And behind the scenes, we’ve been working on our new logo, which we’re thrilled to show off here!

We know that you’ve been very busy getting things done, because you’ve openly shared so much about your lives since we launched (in December ‘08!). We’re proud of everything you’ve accomplished so far this year. Bravo!

How many of you have spent recent weekends spring cleaning? Have you purged those ex-cooties and permanently closed the marriage museum?

We also know that some of you are thinking about going back to school to sharpen up your job skills, or to earn that degree. How many of you have been investigating distance learning and are well on your way? Congrats!

How many of you have fix-up projects on your mind? Perhaps you’re creating a kid-free zone – and feel ready to put a lock on your bedroom door. We realize that nobody makes the rules for you — but you. We’re behind you 100%.

Lots of you are making friends with married moms – and finding that they are facing many of the same challenges. Surprising, huh?

Almost all of you have your kids’ summer plans in place. What a big relief, yes?

Many of you have made it clear that relationships are a top priority — and some of you are wondering what “still best friends” really means? You’re setting new boundaries about letting your ex into your home – or letting go of exes on Facebook. We’re glad.

We’re excited that many of you are considering giving online dating a chance. You’re more confident that you do have that sixth sense. How many of you will be taking that online dating plunge?

We hope that you’ve been comforted by The Sanity Fairy™ this winter… and here’s to spring!  Count on more good advice on issues that matter to you.

And here’s our exciting spring news! We’ve got some terrific giveaways planned for April. Hint: we know that you love to read!

Visit us often! We love to hear from you.

Logo designed by the amazing Adam Sweeney

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Rachel and I have spent the weekend de-cluttering — on both coasts.

While Rachel was sorting through outgrown kid clothes –  along with items from the deep end of her closet — I’ve tossed the last keepsakes of a defunct relationship. How can it take thirty minutes to throw out three pieces of paper? Did I have to reread everything twelve times?

Can you all can relate?

Yes, we’re both trying to organize our living spaces to create the lives we imagine.

So, this question really got our attention:

Q: “We needed to move very quickly into a much smaller home after my ex decided that the kids and I did not fit into his “enlightened cosmic plan.”

He got his life plan, and I got two school-aged kids, along with a mountain of unlabeled moving boxes. Of course, his life plan does not include regular child support, so I’ve stepped up things big time at work.

On the plus side, I’ve met someone and would like to invite him over without apologizing for the chaos.

Maybe the best solution is to rent a storage locker and put all the boxes into the storage locker until I can deal with them?”

~~~

The Sanity Fairy is happy to respond:

In short, storage lockers are really “marriage museums.”

What does this mean? Well, items from your marriage — which you thought were “too good” to toss, like the wedding registry stemware, or meaningful keepsakes from your wedding day — all end up “at the museum.”

This comes with a price, of course, not to mention the typically inconvenient trek from your home.

The actual financial cost of maintaining a “marriage museum” is huge. As you know, it’s about more than money:  the emotional cost here far greater than the cost of the items themselves.

Here’s the real question: if you and your children really needed whatever these boxes contain, you would have already dug through them for the stuff, right?

Moreover, paying “museum costs” is not going to help spice up your love life.

Likely, it has been a while since your droopy and dingy lingerie wardrobe got an update or you treated yourself to a mani/pedi. Think of your de-cluttering efforts as a way to finance those extras. Of course, you also want to feel proud and confident when you welcome this potential love interest into your home.

Men will not mind a few (or many) neatly stacked boxes awaiting attention. A home crammed with stuff that vibrates with anxiety, however, will make most men squirm. (Right, guys?)

Do you agree?

Is any major decluttering happening at your house? What are you getting rid of? Do share.

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