Singlemommyhood.com » more kids

Do you want more kids?

Rachel Sarah — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 10:02:09 +0000

When we read Pippi’s recent post, “Goodbye Fertility,” her grief touched us deeply. This 37-year-old divorced mother of two children (who are 8 and 10) is in a committed relationship with a man who has two children of his own. And after much thought, they decided they neither of them wanted to have any more children.

Although her boyfriend offered to “have a vasectomy, I have the better insurance and this procedure seems much easier now for a woman to undergo than having a man undergo a vasectomy,” Pippi writes.

So, she recently had the Essure procedure. (Neither of us knows much about this permanent procedure, which, unlike other birth control, does not require cutting into the body. Instead, a tube is inserted through the body’s natural pathways — vagina, cervix, and uterus — and into your fallopian tubes that prevents sperm from reaching the egg.)

“It didn’t hit me until I was getting in to a bath this morning,” Pippi writes. “I am now infertile. I am tearing up a lot and want to cry…. I know that there are many men and women who are unable to have children, period. I am so grateful to have had the ability to bear my children. My heart is aching but I know this will pass.”

We know that Pippi is not alone here.

We’d love to hear from other single parents … (Dads: we’re anxious to hear from you, too)

Have you decided NOT to have more kids?

If so, have you made a “permanent” decision?

Or, are you hoping for more children?

If so, we’d LOVE to hear about these hopes and plans.

~~~

(Photo courtesy of MyFriendRoxy)

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My boyfriend just got a vasectomy. Now what?

Dr. Leah — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:13:50 +0000

A blogger whom we greatly admire has shared has shared a recent personal dilemma with us. For confidential reasons she isn’t comfortable posting on this topic.

Here’s what happened:

Our single mom blogger friend is seriously dating a divorced dad whom she describes as a “private person.”

She does her best to respect his private nature — so she writes about him infrequently on her blog. This isn’t easy, however, because she’s as open as anyone you’ll ever meet.

Anyway, this blogger just found out that the very “private” man she’s dating got a vasectomy last week – SURPRISE!

Fortunately, our blogger friend is not interested in having any more biological kids. And her “private” man obviously feels the same way. So, there’s no “family planning” conflict here.

Still, this blogger still feels off kilter and a bit upset.

Here’s what she’s wondering:

No mater how “private” he is, shouldn’t her boyfriend have talked with her about getting a vasectomy with her before the deed was done?

Or, is this strictly his personal choice?

~~~

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(Photo courtesy of KristyKay 22 via Flickr)

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Are you less datable if you have more than one kid?

Dr. Leah — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 09:00:16 +0000

Some of you might have read the thoughtful piece on single moms by choice in yesterday’s New York Times Magazine.

We loved reading about the ways these single mom families intertwined: how they cooperated and took care of one another in ways that typically define “family.”

Of course, we were most interested in how these single moms managed — or did not manage — their romantic and sexual relationships.

We loved this quote (you read it first right here) from a single mom who has opted out of dating for right now. “To be honest, if I wanted to be looking, I’d have to dress differently. I go out with my kids in the morning in sweatpants and a T-shirt and with my hair up.”

Here’s what we found intriguing:

Many single moms by choice are opting to conceive or adopt a second child. The result, however, is that many of these single moms by choice find that raising two children takes them out of the dating scene. They’re not just taking a break during the toddler years, either.

These “two kid” moms report they lack both the energy and the opportunity to meet men. We certainly recognize that more kids=more work, but we never considered that having more than one child was a dating dilemma.

We’d love to know your thoughts on this one:

Does having more than one kid make you less datable?

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