Surely, you’ve noticed this lately online: there has been A LOT of controversial bad-mouthing of fathers.

Interestingly, readers’ comments have highlighted the fact that the single parent community needs to protect our kids. We all agree that kids get hurt when one parent bad-mouths the other.

We also know that, someday, our kids will go online and read our blog entries about our exes — as well as any nasty comments we might leave.

This is why I’m confused: if bad-mouthing fathers in a public forum is not healthy, why do we keep doing it?

Of course, I chatted with Dr. Leah — aka The Sanity Fairy™ — to understand this contradictory blogging trend better.

Here’s what Dr. Leah says:

Bad-mouthing your kid’s father is destructive to your child.

All of it: the name-calling, the derisive nicknames, and the endless recitations of his inadequacies. Kids quickly learn that no matter how involved Dad is — or isn’t –  they are still “half that person.”

If Mom persists in bad-mouthing Dad, kids must cope with thinking of themselves as “half liars” or “half irresponsible jerks” or “half lazy dead beats.” Coping with the “bad half” dilemma is an enormous developmental challenge for kids.

On top of social pressures, academic demands, and all the rest, kids will be haunted by doubts about their self worth based on what they hear Mom say.

~~~

You might know that both Dr. Leah and I had quite traumatic experiences with the fathers of our children.

We have plenty we could say in public about them. But we don’t.

So, why do other parents — who are clearly loving and responsible –  continue to bad-mouth their kids’ dads?

We understand the need to have a place to vent. Many of us are caught in a “perfect storm” of broken relationships, legal system snafus and catch-22’s, and economic woes.

So, here you are, sitting at the computer screen while the kids are asleep or pleasantly occupied, clicking away. You might feel like you’re chatting with trusted friends.

Blogging — and commenting — often feels like chatting behind closed doors.

It’s not.

Even if you leave a negative comment on a blog about your ex, your kids can find it and read it. Sure, you might be anonymous, but your babies will one day be tech-savvy and literate. And they’ll have friends with those same skills.

Indeed, anonymous blogging is an oxymoron, don’t you think?

We’d like to know your thoughts:

Do you rely on blogs — writing a blog, or commenting on them — to face what the world throws at you, so that you’re better able to take care of your kids?

We admit that maybe we’re way off here.

Is blogging far more private than we perceive?

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Our hearts go out to that dear so-called Dateless Doc who once offered a $200,000 bounty for a wife.

According to the New York Post, Scarsdale skin specialist Paul Dantzig is now telling a matchmaker he previously sued that “it wasn’t you, it was me.”

Dantzig, 59, had sued Janis Spindel in 2001, accusing her of having cheated him out of $50,000 for setting him up with “a stable” of women he had “little or nothing in common with.”

Now he has emailed Sindel, begging her to take him back.

Spindel countersued for defamation, saying the women weren’t the problem – he was.

“He was a very angry man – negative, negative, negative,” she complained.

Dantzig now admits that his suit was “frivolous” and “a terrible mistake” – and that Spindel was right about him being a downer.

He added that he’s a changed man since becoming a single father via a surrogate three years ago.

“Everything’s better now,” Dantzig told The Post. “Fatherhood has mellowed me. It’s made me a better man.”

Nonetheless, Dantzig is still single — and looking for love.

While we’d love to tease this dear single dad for begging his matchmaker to take him back (why not try Match.com or eHarmony, Doc?), that’s not the point.

The point is: anger and negativity are a definite turn off. Have you ever dated someone like this?

So, how do you know if you’re emotionally ready to date?

Obviously, it’s not about having ready cash. 

Cleaning out your closets — and purging stuff from your ex — is a great start.

But what next?

How do you know if you’re emotionally available? Do you have a certain litmus test?

We’d love to know.

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