What do you do when Dad doesn’t call or show up for parenting time?

Thanks, Wonder Mom, for calling our attention to a dilemma that many single moms share.

Wonder Mom is right: her situation is very common. Here’s how it usually plays out:

“My ex has a generous parenting time schedule. The trouble is, he can be very irresponsible and often hurts their feelings by not showing up when he promised.

I am often left with two crying, disappointed children. When I try to talk to him about how the kids feel, he just shrugs his shoulders and tells me that something came up.

I’m looking for a solution to help lessen my kids’ hurt.”

Consider handling this situation by having a Plan B.

Plan B, of course, is some alternative activity — which the kids can count on –  if Dad is a no show.

Here’s how to start the conversation:

The next time Dad is scheduled to take the kids somewhere, talk to them about Plan B,  if their dad does not show up. Say very specifically: “Your dad is planning to take you to the movies on Saturday. He told us he would pick you up at 12:30 p.m. What’s our Plan B for Saturday, if he does not arrive?”

This discussion gives the kids the reassurance that the day will not be a total loss, if Dad doesn’t show.

Your kids also get a chance to express disappointment about previous “no shows” and the hope that this time things will happen as Dad has promised.

Of course, you get the final say on Plan B.  To minimize disappointment, the alternate plan should definitely be more fun than finishing their homework or cleaning their rooms. You and the kids can also decide how long you  will wait before leaving the house for your own planned activities.

Suggest, for example, that you do a few errands (like the ones you thought you’d polish off while Dad had the kids) — and then see the movie that Dad promised later in the afternoon.

If your finances are tight, decide together on a fun and low-cost activity like a DVD at home with lots of buttered (real thing) popcorn.

Here’s the take away message: Take control of the day, as you help your kids express their feelings.

Have you ever had a “No Show Dad”?

What did you say to your kids?

What was your Plan B?

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