Do you bathe with your kids?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Kids, Tips & Advice
Rachel and I have had very different experiences bathing with our kids, but this much is certain:
Our kids loved to play in the water (don’t yours?) When it comes to taking a bath or shower to get clean, however, that’s a different story.
Our toddler daughters loved to fill up the tub with lots of bubbles and fashion fantasy shampoo hair-dos. One of our daughters serenaded us with “pretend songs” in the tub, too.
My baby boy could not be coaxed into a bathtub filled with bubbles. And he furiously resisted shampoo. I never bathed with him past infancy. This choice had nothing to do with gender differences. My little guy played – actively! – in the tub. He loved that watery expanse as the setting for his imaginary flotilla. Sitting on the bathroom floor glancing through magazine while marveling at his fantasy exploits was a welcome respite. (Of course, few magazines survived the watery onslaught unscathed.)
So, what’s bath time-with-the-kids like at your home?
Bathing with your kids is a very personal decision.
It seems that most parents think it’s fine for a toddler to take a bath or shower with either parent. Things get a bit more controversial after that.
Many parents drift away from “co-bathing” during the preschool to early school age years. Exactly when parents stop has to do with how the parent and the kid feel about this issue more than anything else. What you’re comfortable with depends on the age — and gender — of your kid. Also, you’re likely influenced by what was considered “normal” when you were growing up.
Here’s what we think: when either you or your kid feels uncomfortable and wants more privacy, then “co-bathing” should stop. Some kids (and adults, of course) are simply more modest.
Do you agree?
If you continue to shower together during those inquisitive preschool years, you can definitely expect curious stares and “anatomy” questions.
My own somewhat precocious preschool daughter asked rather directly as we jumped out of a shared shower, “Why is Mommy so fancy and me is so plain?”
It’s helpful if you anticipate these inevitable questions so you can respond without making your kid feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. Occasionally, kids also try to touch parents’ body parts out of simple curiosity.
Although you might feel very comfortable bathing with your kid, you might wonder if others will question your parenting choices — and misinterpret them. What if your child talks about this at school? Are there any potential conflicts with the “other parent” about this parenting choice?
Do you think there’s a certain age when you should stop bathing with your child?
When is it no longer acceptable to bathe with your child?
We’d love to hear from both moms and dads!
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Twitter @ http://lovebabz.blogspot.com
Did not bathe with any of my kids. 1) you have so few moments of alone time that to add them to that time was too much. 2) Got to have some boundaries.
lovebabz’s last blog post..MY NEW ADVENTURE: PEACE. JOY. LOVE.
Sleeping and bathing was always done separate. I never wanted to set a pattern up then have to change it mid-stream. Knew it would cause more problems that way IMO.
Mike’s last blog post..Twister Time
Twitter @ singlemommyhood
Thanks LoveBabz and Mike!
Interesting…. because in our home, we had mother-daughter baths all through preschool. I’m wondering if I’m alone here?
Can’t wait to hear from the rest of you!
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
I shower with my 3 and 1/2 year old all the time. It’s convenient and way easier than contorting myself on the floor by the tub to wash her. She has a few toys to play with while I do my thing and then I wash her; two birds with one stone. With my older kids I mostly bathed them seperately and they all started taking showers by themselves around age 7. I have all girls so it’s never been awkward.
MindyMom’s last blog post..Sex & My 100th Post
Wow – good post topic! When my son was a toddler/preschooler it was more common for us to jump in the bath or shower together (sometimes it just saved time!), but not so much anymore. He is very aware of how different Mom’s body is from his, and around kindergarten, I started to let him know that I would not be jumping in with him. But by no means do I hide my body from him. He needs to know what all types of human bodies look like.
Twitter @ aprilabtbalance
When it was just me and Sylvia at one point, I would have her in the shower with me because our place didn’t have a tub, just a shower. But I’m with the first commenter. That’s my private time, and I usually wait until after the girls are in bed so I can enjoy a nice, leisurely bubble bath!
April’s last blog post..Weekend Wrap-Up
I have never found this to be an issue. I feel that if it is an issue, it would be the adult’s issue exclusively. Children don’t know shame, embarrasment or others such concepts. We condition them that way. (Just my opinion).
If my child were to point to something specific on my body, I’d answer it and roll with it just the same as if they’d ask me what an elbow was. The only shame attached would be what I attach to it.
We are very open and communicative. I know it may not be a socially popular thing to say, but I have showered with my 12 year old in the recent past. We soap each other’s back and then draw pictures on them, and the soaped one guesses what was drawn.
He has not yet reached a level of maturity where it is uncomfortable, which was a key point you made. When one is uncomfortable, it will stop. Until then, we carry on in spite of what the societal norms or expectations would be.
won’s last blog post..Taking It…Back
Mindy Mom: It’s surely easier when it’s all girls. Also, as you pointed out, what a time saver!
April: When bathing is “you time” multi-tasking by bathing with your little one is just not an option – I agree!
Anna: Kindergarten …lots of things change when kids reach age 5.
Won: Yes, what kids are comfortable with is all important – thanks for emphasizing that important point.
No way (personally) b/c baths for me are supposed to be relaxing, and my son (16 months old) pees in the tub sometimes (definitely not my idea of relaxation)!
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Twitter @ http://www.ptlawmom.com
I have been a cosleepers with my son for years but never bathed with him. Not sure why – probably worried I’d drop him and I like to shower, not bathe. My parents bathed with my brother and I for a long time and were very comfortable with their nudity which helped me become very comfortable with my own body (thank God, say my boyfriends/husbands). LOL. I think it’s a personal tolerance thing, I suppose.
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I quit showering with my son when he got too heavy to hold and difficult to bathe him in the shower. We never did take baths together.
However, he did sleep in the same bed with me until… what’s todays date? just joking… probably a few years ago… he would wake up in the middle of the night and come get in bed with me, or sometimes he would simply start out in bed with me.. I enjoyed it… we would talk & cuddle… miss those times…
Single Mom’s last blog post..NEW GOALS
We never took a bath together but my child was school aged when we stopped showering together.
At that age it was most often done when we had time constraints and not when we weren’t in a hurry. Mostly on weekend mornings when we had to be somewhere.
It stopped not because either of us were uncomfortable but because of threats made by her other parent. I wasn’t willing to allow that into our lives. It was easier just to stop and she didn’t ask why ever either so I didn’t have to draw attention to it all making her think it was “wrong” or “bad”.
I was really resentful though about it all because I felt my parenting choices were being controlled by my ex. In the end I realized they weren’t I made the decision to stop it to protect our child from harm or any emotional turmoil whether caused directly or indirectly by the showering together.
I agree when either person parent or child is uncomfortable by it is when it should stop.
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Won, were you kidding around about showering with your 12 year old son?
I DON’T BATHE OR SHOWER WITH MY CHILDREN SON/DAUGHTER. I BREAST FEED BUT THAT’S ONE THING. SOME PEOPLE ARE OPEN TO THAT KINDA THING AND I DON’T THINK CHILDREN WILL END UP ASHAMED OF THEIR BODIES IF YOU DON’T CLEAN YOURSELF TOGETHER. IN FACT THESE DAYS IT MORE THEN LIKEY A GOOD THING TO TEACH OUR KIDS TO BE A LITTLE MORE PRIVATE WITH THEIR NAKED BODY AT AN EARLY AGE.UNLESS THEY HAVE DIAPERRASH AND NEED A GOOD OL’ AIR OUT. THERE ARE OTHER WAYS OF HAVING A CLOSE BOND WITH YOUR CHILD. I THINK ANY GOOD PARENT KNOWS WHATS BEST FOR THEIR KID AND I DON’T THINK BATHING WITH THEM UP TILL’ PRESCHOOL IS A HORRIBLE THING, JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA IS ALL. SO IF YOUR SHOWERING OR TAKING A BATH WITH YOUR KIDS UNDER PRESCHOOL AND IT WORKS FOR YOU BATHE ON.
I don’t have kids myself, but was thinking about it and just doing research on kids when i ran into this. and to put my two cents in, my mom showered and bathed with me up till i was in 2nd or 3rd grade. our shower was little and i just wanted more room, lol. never thought it was odd or anything plus it helped when i got married to my wife, you know not be so nervous. lol but parents who judge others on how they are raise their children, unless it effects their children then they need to butt out. at least thats my opinion.
WON, I applaud you for not being forced to follow the rules that others seem to force on people. I stopped bath with my son when he was 5 but continued to bathe him till he was 10. I think that you should keep doing what you and your son want. If one of you gets uncomfortable than by all means stop. Just do what the 2 of you are comfortable with and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
My daughter is only 2 so I don’t feel like it is too big of a deal right now. We donot bathe together however I am a single mom so I leave the door open when taking a shower. But it is so peaceful to have a couple of minutes to yourself. I never even showered with my ex when we were together. You have to draw the privacy line somewhere with everyone. My best thinking goes on in the shower!
I’m a married father ot two girls, one is 13 months, other is allmost 10 years old; my oldest daughter ocassionally will jump in the shower when I’m bathing with my youngest; I think she’s too old for this, but I dont want to make a big fuss and confuse her; please advice: should I let her continue to shower with me untill she decides to stop? or should I let her know this is no longer a good practice?
Please help.
Sergio: Ten year old children should bathe in privacy. And, clearly, you are not comfortable with this practice. So, it’s time for everyone in your household to take separate baths and showers. Giving your 13 month old full attention while giving her a bath is a better idea than taking a shower with you.
Sergio, I took baths with my dad until I was around ten. One day, he put a stop to the practice with no good reason. I found out later it was because he felt that I was getting too old and it made him uncomfortable. However, I can say that it did traumatize me a bit. I was a late bloomer, and even at that age had no concept of sexual desires being linked with nudity. I was really hurt and confused that my dad kicked me out of the tub. All children enter puberty at different times, and obviously your daughter is a late bloomer as well. Enjoy the precious innocent years while you can!