We got called out
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Dating, Single Parents
We got an angry email this week from a disgruntled reader. Her subject line was “Get real.”
“I’m dating a guy who’s separated,” she began. “And you didn’t cover the half of it. What makes both of YOU experts? Rachel was never married so what does Rachel really know about divorce?”
Sure, Dr. Leah is a psychologist – yeah, that’s impressive, but you know she never took a course in “Dating Separated Guys.”
It’s easy for you to spew out tips and advice. Get real!”
After reading this email a couple of times, we took it to heart. In the end, this reader has given us the opportunity to tell you a bit more about ourselves.
So, let us begin with a little FAQ for you:
Q: Were either of you married before?
YES! Rachel was married in her early 20s — pre-motherhood — and went through a long court proceeding in NYC to get divorced. Dr. Leah was married to her children’s father.
Q: Have either of you ever had to go through a nasty court battle?
YES! Well, maybe they weren’t too nasty… since Rachel’s ex didn’t show up in court. Dr. Leah’s husband got all the marital assets in exchange for Dr. Leah getting solo custody of her children. That was totally worth it to her. So, we’ve both have experience with lawyers and judges around custody.
Q: Have either of you ever dating a guy in the middle of a nasty divorce?
YES! – both of us have dated men who were going through nasty divorces. We both suffered heart break and disillusionment. And we didn’t see it coming.
Rachel met one man on Match.com and dated him for months.
One of Dr. Leah’s friends had introduced her to “him” with this: “He’s separated, but he doesn’t have kids–”
Did she stop and think what “separated” really meant? No.
If you want to us to get real, it’s your turn… do YOU have any questions for us?
|
Ultimate go-to guide for single mothers. The Complete Single Mother is the only comprehensive and best selling self help book ever written for single parents. It’s packed with savvy advice, sisterly comfort, as well as reassuring answers to all your single mom challenges. |
|
Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
Related posts:
- Are you dating a “separated” guy? We’ve written before about dating someone who’s not yet divorced. Both of us know the perils of falling for a...
- Why do single moms date married men? “I’m amazed at how many of my single mom friends date married men.” A perplexed single mom told us this...
- Booty call with a control freak? We received an email recently from a single woman — who has never been married and has no kids – ...
- Everything you always wanted to know about ex Both of us have written honestly about how long it took us to get over our exes. Rachel was married...
Follow Singlemommyhood on Twitter
Twitter @ http://tsquest.blogspot.com
I love that you guys are so honest and take reader’s comments to heart. Hooray for humility! (Maybe I’m biased?)
T’s last blog post..What to say, what to say…
Twitter @ singledadlife
I commend you for being so forthcoming. I don’t have any titles behind my name. My degree is in life. When we post or blog or give opinions, it is not an amendment to the constitution that must followed. Even those are often disputed in courts of law.
Opinion, advice, suggestions is what all of us can provide. If you don’t agree with the advice, Great! No one owns all the right answers.
The fact that she called you two on the carpet. Great! I commend her for speaking her mind. What a wonderful place this blog is to stir that passion.
Debate and discussion is what creates new answers and even sometimes a change of heart.
Because of this email, I, and many others, have now learned a lot more about the two of you. What great neighbors!
Now let me see what else I can ask and get the answers to……hmmmm.
Barry’s last blog post..No Excuse Not To Be Involved
Twitter @ http://coparenting101.org/
Damn! Do you two owe her money or what? LOL…
You never purported to be experts on the subject, and you invited others to weigh in. I agree that discussion/debate is healthy and helpful, but why so hostile???
Even if you hadn’t had the experiences you’ve had, you can still effectively and credibly support others who have. Isn’t that the difference between sympathy and empathy after all? I believe there is an undercurrent of both on this site.
None of us are at our best during an ugly divorce, whether we are at the center or on the periphery of it. Maybe that’s the reason for this reader’s very “personal” reaction.
Keep on keepin’ on!
deesha’s last blog post..Quote of the Day: St. Augustine to co-parents
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
That’s just the thing; the reader never has the WHOLE story and often makes assumptions based on the few hundred words we write for a blog post. Even all of our posts combined can’t compare to what is the complete and “real” story.
Thanks for filling in the blanks.
MindyMom’s last blog post..Weekend Developements
Twitter @ http://lovebabz.blogspot.com
Bravo Mamas!
As someone who has had a very public life for most of my life, there will always be folks who want to know more. But really she (angry email writer) just wanted to heard…that her story and situation had value and that its painful. There’s a lot of pain out there.
Hugs to you both for handling this with so much grace.
Lovebabz’s last blog post..TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: LOVE MADE
Twitter @ crazycompdad
My first thought when I saw this is that you have to be careful what you say, do, or write around a writer. They will write about you later!
If I am truthful about my ability to be a fully present partner in a relationship while I was going through my divorce then I would have to say that my thoughts, emotions, and judgments were way too tumultuous to be of value to anyone. While I wanted fun and company, I was not in a position to be a reliable partner in a long term relationship. The few separated people I dated have been in the same boat.
I’m not saying it isn’t impossible though, just normally improbable.
Crazy Computer Dad’s last blog post..Speaker for the Dead…
Thanks for this post. I personally have at times wondered if I have a *right* to talk about or share information and advice that might be useful to other parents like me given that the letters that are behind my name don’t have to do with co-parenting. But, what I’ve come to is that my story and what I am inspired to share can be illuminating for some people, and that makes it worth stepping through my insecurities to share.
So, thank you for telling us more about yourselves, but know that what really matters to me is that I am touched, moved and inspired by what you share. From that, I get what I’m supposed to. You have nothing to prove to me.
Talibah’s last blog post..MamaSpeak: Sex and the Single Mom
I personally think that there are so many cases of seperation and custody that on the surface may appear the same, in reality they aren’t, hence angry email woman. However it doesn’t mean that if someone has a different opinion that their hurt is any less.
My own situation is killing me, and I know that people may argue back that my opinion may be wrong or my decisions may be wrong in what I have tried to do. That may or may not be so. But it doesn’t mean the hurt I feel is any less, regardless of any opinion.
BTW, I emailed you a link to a private post about my own situation. Would really appreciate your inputt on the matter.
Yummy Mammy’s last blog post..Hostage
The angry e-mailer was trying to defend a relationship she is banking on. She is hoping this is “the one”. Your advice and tips was slap of reality to her and she didn’t like it. Reality check lady, if you are dating someone who is “separated”…YOU ARE STILL DATING SOMEONE WHO IS MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE, NOT YOU. No if’s or but’s about it. If you’re already sleeping with him, then he’s having his cake and eating it too. You’re being used.