Bringing along the boyfriend?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Dating, Single Parents, Tips & Advice
Have boundaries. Keep your parenting life separate from your dating life. Take it slow. Wait until you’re sure about a relationship before you introduce your kids.
We’ve seen, however, that summer creates a special dilemma.
Have you noticed that your dating boundaries get a bit murkier as the weather gets warmer?
During the cold months, the kids are in school. Everyone spends a lot of time indoors. And somehow, it’s easier to maintain your parenting and dating boundaries. Then, summer hits! The kids are out of school. You might have a shorter work week or more flex time options. And you want to be outside!
Let’s say that you and “Mr. Possible” (or “Ms. Possible”) both want to hit the beach this weekend. You’ve been dating for a couple of months — and you feel good that you’ve juggled your date nights around your kids’ schedules. But you both have your kids this weekend — everyone wants to go to the beach.
You could head out in separate directions… Or, you could meet at the beach — with all the kids?
Have you ever brought along your new “friend” — with the kids — to a family day at the beach?
Is it possible to have a summer outing without any awkward expectations? Or, without causing your kids any stress?
So, tell us: Have your dating boundaries relaxed this summer?
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Twitter @ http://wondermom-pickingupthepieces.blogspot.com/
The first time my boys met FG was last summer when we “bumped into” him and his nephew at one of our favorite breakfast spots on a Saturday morning. We had breakfast together then went to the pet store together. After that, we had a couple of play dates with his nephew. I just introduced him as a friend and it wasn’t a big deal. When he started coming around without his niece and nephew, the boys started figuring out that he was probably more than a friend, but I don’t think it’s ever been a problem. I have addressed their questions as they’ve arisen. I have mom friends that we hang out with and dad friends that we hang out with. It would be naive to say that they don’t realize this particular friend is different, but I think that by keeping things light and casual, it’s worked out for us.
Twitter @ spingleparenttvl
Actually, summer time is the perfect time to introduce it. If the boy/girlfriend has kids even easier.
When you arrive wherever, kids in one room, grownups in the other. Kids will love the independence, it makes sense, and it becomes a non-issue.
Of course that is based on the assumption that the kids know that he or she exists. Probably not the best idea for a first introduction.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
I think after dating for a couple of months it’s totally acceptable to meet at the beach or wherever for a fun day. Why not?
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
@Mindy and John F: When you have little kids — say, under age four — the “summer play date” seems easy and relaxed, as you say. (Thanks, WonderMom, for the example!).
It depends on how socially perceptive your kid is, but once he/she is in school, it seems trickier. No?
Two toddlers who don’t know each other might easily play side-by-side in the sand as the adults chat… But put together two eight-year-olds who’ve never met, and they very well might cling to Mom and Dad?
I’d love to know how dates have played out for other dating single parents this summer.
I do think that summer is the best time, because it gives you a chance to hang out in a variety of settings without actually having to define the BF/GF thing to the kids. It can just be, like others have said, pretty much a play date, the kids don’t need to know it was kind of a play date for mom/dad as well….
Twitter @ http://runningleap.wordpress.com
Man, I am so guilty of this… But I can’t blame summer. I’m head over heels, and it’s hard to remind myself that my BF and I might not work out and that if we don’t, the kids will be confused and possibly upset. That would be so unfair to them.
But when *is* it okay? After six months? A year? An engagement? Marriage? It’s hard to know… All I know is that I’m in love, he’s in love, and it feels right. I feel optimistic that it *will* work out. But really…since when is that any indicator of success? :S
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
@C: Such a good question! “But when *is* it okay? After six months? A year? An engagement? Marriage?”
We all would love to have a certain, dead-on rule about this, wouldn’t we? Certainly, most single parents try to wait and be patient before bringing the kids into the picture — but in the end, you know what’s best for your kids.
Anyone else want to chime in about this? Thanks.