Are you a secret smoker?
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under Tips & Advice
When we read this recent post at MomLogic about this mother’s “secret from her toddler,” we wondered how many of you relate.
“I have a confession,” wrote this mom. “Every once in a while I like to have myself a nice smoke. And so far, my toddler has no clue.”
As always, no judgments here at Singlemommyhood.
But we’re curious. That’s why we reached out to Daniel F. Seidman, director of Smoking Cessation Services at Columbia University Medical Center and author of a new book, Smoke-Free in 30 Days.
“Yes, I am seeing both mothers of young children and pregnant smokers who carry a burden of guilt over their secret smoking,” says Dr. Seidman.
“For example, one woman was smoking during her pregnancy. She was extremely guilty, especially when she was lying to her own mother about how she had already quit. Another example is a woman with young children who never smoked around them or let them see her smoke.”
Indeed, the MomLogic blogger confesses:
“I smoke outside when she’s asleep. I’ve smoked when she’s fallen asleep in our car in our driveway. I’ve had friends play with her as I sneak out back to sneak a smoke. Up until now she’s been completely shielded from my secret.”
“Smoking has been severely stigmatized in our society, so many smokers now go underground and live in a bunker about it,” explains Dr. Seidman.
If you’re a secret smoker, we’d love to hear from you.
When are you most likely to smoke?
If you used to smoke and quit… how did you do it?
Feel free to log in anonymously.
(Photo courtesy of Jason Webber via Flickr)
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That’s me! I call myself a closet smoker though. I have never, ever, ever smoked around my kid. NEVER! I can go entire weekends or even a week without smoking. I smoke at work and maybe once a month at night outside after she goes to bed.
I go outside with the smokers at work and they are talking about how expensive cigs are and I say I only smoke a pack a week. People always say, then why don’t you quit?? Because it’s not something that runs my life the way it does for a full time smoker and it’s something I enjoy. I like going outside with the girls for a break at work and chatting. Yes, not doing it at all would be healthier but ya know, it’s the one bad habit that I have left. It’s that one little part of the the before-being-a-mommy me that I hold onto (I quit while I was pregnant!!!!)
Semi-Hippie Single Mama´s last blog ..My own business…a pipedream or a real possibility?
I’m a secret smoker. Or maybe it’s more of a discreet smoker.
I don’t hide necessarily. I know that my son can come outside and see me anytime. I just don’t show it openly.
That being said, there have been two times when he’s mentioned it. Once I was on the porch in the summertime. The smoke was evidently coming up through the window. When I came in, he asked me if I’d been smoking because he’d smelled it (duh to me). I told him yes.
Another time, I had started up the car and had a cigarette in my hand. I had simply turned the key and got out! When the car was warmed up, we got in and said the car smelled like gasoline and smoke. I said nothing.
I guess it’s the passive approach. If he wants to discuss it or ask me about it, he’ll have to ask very direct questions. Otherwise, I’d just as soon keep it out of conversation.
I did quit for 51 weeks and a day. I used Chantix, and highly recommend it. Then my son ran away, and I ran to get a pack of cigarettes.
Twitter @ tashsparkles
I swear it’s like y’all are in my head!
I was a secret smoker pre-baby. If I was out having cocktails, chances were high I’d find a ciggy. I never bought them, so I was never a smoker. I just smoked. Make sense? LOL
During my pregnancy I could stomach the smell of smoke. So, now that I’m re-entering the real world I’m not sure what I’ll do. I’m willing to bet I’ll be able to avoid smoking as long as I’m breastfeeding b/c I won’t be drinking. But I make no promises once Nate is off the milkies.
My mom was a smoker and I hated that she smoke, so I know I’ll never smoke in front of Nate.
Natasha´s last blog ..Thoughtful Thursday
Twitter @ http://gawlas.blogspot.com
I feel like it’s unfortunate for the following reasons:
1) you want what you are doing to be secret or that 2) what you are doing is something that you would consider “bad” if she did it.
Trust me, no body is fooled by you “secret” smokers. The smell sticks to your hair, clothes, car and breath. You slightly tinted finger tips give you away, as does the way you play with pencils.
I watched my mother die of lung disease. Do your kids a favor and quit before they have to watch you die too. Put the five dollars a pack into a college saving fund.
alley´s last blog ..UGH! My Back hurts
Twitter @ SHSoloMama
@alley.
Funny how you think you know what goes on in other people’s houses and who knows or doesn’t know what.
I smoke at work, outside. I have a jacket that I wear only there and since I’m outside, it doesn’t stick to my hair. I do not, ever, smoke in my car. My fingers are not nor have they ever been tinted because I smoke 2-3 a day during the week and since I’m not addicted and don’t think about smoking unless I’m at work, I don’t play with pencils. I know 100% that my child doesn’t know that I do it because people at work (yeah, where I do 99% of my smoking) don’t even know that I do it.
Funny how people can judge others so fast. Everyone has something that they do that isn’t good for them. But I’m sure we won’t hear about what it is that you do….
Semi-Hippie Single Mama´s last blog ..Keep the dryer heat that you pay for, inside.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
@alley: We understand that this issue brings up a lot of pain for you.
Thanks for chiming in.
We are asking readers to please leave judgments aside here — and instead do what we can to help these moms break the addiction. We know it’s not easy, but support goes a long way.
Twitter @ http://gawlas.blogspot.com
Okay . . . I highly support people NOT smoking, I Even More support people not Lying to their children.
But hey, if a former kid who spent their junior high and high school years being the one and only care taker to a parent with lung disease doesn’t have the right to tell current mothers its a bad idea, I really don’t know what the point of having a blog open to comments is.
Smoke away, suit your self.
alley´s last blog ..UGH! My Back hurts
Twitter @ CulminatingLife
@Semi-Hippie Single Mama – That sounds like a lot of effort, to make sure your hiding smoking. Why are you hiding it? What’s the point of hiding it?
What are you gaining from it? So your kids won’t find out until your luck runs out. Why care so much to hide it?
I have a sugar addiction… but my kids know that too. I’m a diabetic because of it. I could hide it, and pretend that I don’t. But you put a big nasty chunk of brownie in front of me… and Do00om!
My dad, was a closet diabetic. always trying to sneak in sugar any chance he got.
What’s the difference between smoking (one way to die) and sugar (another way to die)?
Absolutely nothing. We know what it “can” lead too. We understand the risks. Same goes for Diabetes everybody knows the risks. So I put it out there.
Who freaking cares?! If your happy with your choices, why care so much about what your kids think?
Are you afraid that your kids would cry out in fear to know that you are risking an early death, and that you couldn’t be around them as much as they want?
My kids, harp on me every time I get near a plate of cookies. It’s good for me. It reminds me that they care. And, I try pretty hard to make sure that I stick around as long as I can… I don’t like gambling and playing with the odds. And my kids know that too.
Being a diabetic gets quite a bit of reactions that are near similar to finding out that you smoke…
So you be open and honest. Or, you lie and hide it. Your showing by example a great about yourself.
Travis´s last blog ..Can’t Stand It, Know You Planned It
Twitter @ SHSoloMama
@Travis. I’m sorry that you are dealing with diabetes. My dad has it and he’s a sugar addict,too. He’s constantly fighting temptation.
That’s just it. I’m not going out of my way to hide it. I only want to do it at work. I don’t like stinking like it so I wear a jacket so I won’t stink. When I leave work, I just don’t have the urge. Now that I think about it, I don’t really think about it at work unless someone asks me to go outside. The few times I do it at home is when I’ve had a beer or two and I do that after she goes to bed.
I don’t do it around my daughter because second hand smoke can hurt her. Second hand cookies won’t hurt your kids. It’s bad enough that I’m doing it to myself, I would never hurt her with something that is just for my own pleasure. Even if I wanted to do it around her, I probably wouldn’t because I don’t want her to think it’s ok. If she asked me, I would tell her that I do it. It would be a great way to lead into telling her how hard it is to quit and you shouldn’t ever start, etc, etc.
Semi-Hippie Single Mama´s last blog ..Keep the dryer heat that you pay for, inside.
i smoke i don’t hide it and yes i feel guilty for it. there is no excuse – but it is my addiction.