How to be a happy single mother
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under All, Featured, Single Moms
When Orit Sutton was eight months pregnant, her baby’s father split town. Although they attempted to reconcile when their daughter was four months old, Orit — a choreographer and dance instructor in London, England — knew that she’d better prepare to parent alone.
We’ve been emailing back and forth with Orit, and it’s clear that she’s the kind of woman who lives optimistically. Her enthusiasm rubs off, and we’re thrilled to share it with you. If you’re a new single mom — or on your way — Orit offers some very useful advice to share in her book, How to Be a Happy Single Mother.
For example, she points out that: “One of the huge advantages of being a single parent is that you have complete control over what happens in your own home.”
Orit encourages single parents to make their home “a beautiful, happy place” where you can “think, recharge, and invite your own friends over.”
Some of her suggestions include:
- Put up recent paintings made by your child has done and store old ones.
- Have a clean-up time before the dinner/bath/bed routine: Make it a game for your child and give her the responsibility for a couple of toys and books.
- Make the effort to straighten the house a bit more after your child is in bed so that your evening feels more like an adult respite.
This week, Orit has offered to give away her book to TWO readers.
Here’s the contest:
Look around your own home today. Is there one thing you can do to make it more loving, peaceful or joyous? After all, it’s yours — – and Orit writes, you have the power to “make your home your haven.”
We look forward to hearing one way that you plan to make a simple change to your home this week (or very soon).
So, please do tell . . .
What simple (low cost/no cost) but positive change do you plan to make in your home?
~~~
This contest is open until Jan. 16.
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Ultimate go-to guide for single mothers. The Complete Single Mother is the only comprehensive and best selling self help book ever written for single parents. It’s packed with savvy advice, sisterly comfort, as well as reassuring answers to all your single mom challenges. |
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Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
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I’m going to get the papers and clutter out of the living room and contained in one room. I’ve already done this in my bedroom, and it’s made a huge difference. If I get that stuff out of the living room, it’ll be, if not cleaner, at least nicer-looking! Lately I haven’t wanted to invite anyone over because it looks so messy.
Allison´s last blog ..In case you wonder what I do on my child-free nights
Twitter @ TheMooksMum
While The Mook has been with her dad this past week, I’ve been stuffing those toys and books and clothes that she’s outgrown into bags. She had toys and books that she no longer had ANY interest in and passing them onto the local drop-in centre means that more kids will be able to enjoy them. Plus, less ’stuff’ around means less ’stuff’ to clean up!
With that extra stuff out of the house, I turned her closet into a little play space for her. Comfy floor pillows cover the floor so that she can play in there.
Starting this weekend, I’m putting the laptop away. I spend far too much time on the computer at the kitchen table while The Mook plays 10 feet away. I’ll get a timer and limit myself to 30 minutes in the AM and 30 minutes in the PM, so that I take the opportunity to play with her.
Twitter @ YOC8040
I need to start cleaning up before bed. Good tip!
Twitter @ http://mommasunshine.wordpress.com
I got some inexpensive canvasses that my girls used to create their own works of art when we took an unexpected day off from school. I’m going to hang those up in my house so I can enjoy them, particularly when my girls are with their dad and I’m feeling lonely.
MommaSunshine´s last blog ..Mirror Image
Twitter @ BigLittleWolf
As a solo mom for many years, I’ve always filled my home with whatever my sons make. Oh, it might be the latest clay pot with bright stripes of paint. Or a drawing proudly brought home from school (and then framed and hung on the wall), or some other toothpick and Elmer’s wonder that sits on a shelf in a place of honor.
But over time, what I have found is that there are other things my children “make” to fill our lives with warmth and joy. Music has been one of those things – along with the headaches as you smile through off-notes and repeated measures, and finally, something that can be lovely – Chopin on the piano, Schubert on the flute.
My sons are older now. One is in college; the house feels emptier and I miss the clamor and commotion in our small space. Perhaps it’s about space – for their friends, teenagers, to come and feel safe. Space for talk. Sapce for creativity and exploration. Space for acceptance and listening. Space for laughter most of all – especially in the time that is carved out not often enough, but still treasured, around the dinner table.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Relationship redo – is it settling or a second chance?
Twitter @ singlemommyhood
@Bad Mummy: Wow, you have been busy! I’ve done same kind of purging last month… but have yet to bring the used clothes, etc. to my local kids’ center. Thanks for the inspiration. We also love the suggestion to time yourself on the laptop so you can get some one-on-one time with The Mook.
Twitter @ Kellisue
My daughters father split when I too was expecting. I looked around the hose after reading this post and realized: THERE ARE TOYS EVERYWHERE. In every nook & corner. Its not so much messy but they are everywhere I look in the family room!! She even has some stuffed animals in the kitchen “sitting” at the table. My daughter is 21mons old. I decided that ALL the toys will be put away, in her room, IN HER TOY BOX/ON HER SHELVES; After dinner before her bath. She can bring them out to play during the day of course, but we will have clean-up house time before we do clean up toddler time. So I don’t feel like I am living in a toy store. Thank you for helping me realize I needed to do this for me.
Kelli S.´s last blog .."Convo w/a Toddler"
Twitter @ Zoeyjane
We have date night every week – usually a movie and take-out, to celebrate the week’s successes and spend some cuddly time together that isn’t about ‘getting things done’ or rushing through a daily routine. Usually, we eat dinner while the movie is playing, which ends up in a battle of wills and messes and lost attention.
I think, to go whole hog, I’m going to need to put some beautiful fabric on the half-dozen pillow-forms I have stored. So then we can cuddle up around the television, comfy and decadently. And peaceful.
Zoeyjane´s last blog ..On painting a picture
Twitter @ desiree_allen
I need to get my room/living area in order, and then maintain it. I’ve been here about 4 months now, and I’m still surrounded by clutter. You’d think that purging so much of my “stuff” before I left Denver would have eliminated the clutter….
Desiree @ Writing to Sanity´s last blog ..I ain’t too proud to beg: Help me simplify my life!
Twitter @ http://www.thesinglemotherschronicles.com
Hi:
I am going to get a new plant and hang an oil painting my daughter painted last month!
Happy Friday –
Swati
Swati Bharteey´s last blog ..5 Tips for Getting Out of Your Post-Divorce Rut (part 2 of 2)
I am always so afraid to make holes in the plaster walls, so many of my walls are bare, even though I have lovely photos and artwork to put up (even my son’s). I need to bite the bullet and finally put these things up.
Twitter @ aljolynn
I babysit a little girl during Wed. thru Sat. evenings. But all of the bedrooms are taken up so she ends up sleeping on an airmatress in the living -which she enjoys. But I’d like to rearrange my room so that she can sleep in their with the Bambino and me and leave the living room a place of activity and not both sleep and activity.
I think I’d feel a bit more Zen about that.
Restless Mama´s last blog ..Message to the universe
Twitter @ tashsparkles
I’m going to unpack.
When my son’s father and I split early into my pregnancy, I had to move into what I thought were temporary accommodations. He’s now 4 months and I’m still here.
Simply put, I need to unpack. I need to accept the curve ball life threw me last year. I need to come to terms with where things stand. I need to unpack.
Unpacking is just the sort of no cost change I need to make so that this place I live in can become my home. This place will forever be with me – it’s my son’s first home
Twitter @ singlemommyhood
Thanks so much for your comment @ Natasha.
Please let us know how the unpacking goes– and maybe ask a friend to come and help out?
Twitter @ hautesinglemama
I had to move back in with my parents when my husband split, so I just have a little room. It’s cramped and hard to keep organized with my stuff plus the crib, a swing, a bouncer.. you get the picture. Anyway, I just bought a cheap Glade candle, and my plan is to light it at night after I get the baby down, during my ‘me’ time. It’s simple, but I think it will really help promote some relaxation.
Nicole´s last blog ..No More 0-3
Twitter @ http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/HowToBeAHappySingleMother.html
It’s so good to hear such positive, upbeat attitudes – I’m really proud of us all!!!
Orit
Twitter @ http://cassjustcurious.com
I need to get rid of lingering ‘his stuff’ – I need to find a temporary home in a box or a closet where I can just get it out of my frustration radar. It doesn’t make sense to have a coat in the closet for someone that isn’t here anymore and it causes me a moment of sad/angry pause when I see it there.
@Cass We understand your feelings. Why does “his stuff” have to be anywhere in your home? Can’t he come and get it …after all, it is “his stuff”? Please let us know.
I am getting rid of stuff! I credit this a lot to Annie Leonard’s “Story of Stuff” video. If you haven’t seen it I highly suggest viewing it. I feel like I have lived my life with so much stuff. I want to go back to basics and necessities. I want to purge purge purge old things. I hope by going back to basics it will help destress us in the process. I hope my purge of stuff and living simply will catch on to my family and friends. My daughter and I do not have a large amount of income coming in this year and I am beginning my Masters Degree so the simpler life we can live the better.
mommietopearl: Thanks for recommending this video. Congrats on your plans to further your education on the graduate level. A big commitment that is sure to pay off. Keep us posted – we’re proud of you!
There are plenty of physical changes in my home that need to be made such as cleaning off the top of the bookshelf so I can put that lovely plant my friend gave me near the window, but the most important change that I am going to make is in my attitude. I live in a very small apartment with my daughter and I tend to dwell on the fact that it is so small. I have recently observed that my daughter has no idea that our apartment is small. Her mommy is here, her toys are here, and she is happy. I choose to be happy that we are able to live here together and share this space, no matter it’s size.
Twitter @ http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/HowToBeAHappySingleMother.html
Ruth – it’s so good that you are already speaking in the present tense. You have recognised what’s really important and made that mental shift. Thanks for your inspiration:)
I rearranged my furniture. That always makes me feel better and gives the room a new look for a new day.!
Twitter @ singlemommyhood
@Mel Day: ah, rearranging furniture! It’s free… and it really does make a difference. Thanks!
I painted my bedroom a periwinkle blue- it is where we begin and where we end our days – so important.
I have just spent some time on your web site and I admire the work you are doing. So important in these times.
I have recently launched a site devoted to the big life change from separation and divorce. It is about how hope endures, humour saves us and moving things forward can make all the difference in the world. I would be so appreciative if you could take a look and email subscribe/ pass it on if you like it. It is called My Family is not Broken
http://myfamilyisnotbroken.wordpress.com
Thank you so much.
Nancy Johnston
Nancy Johnston´s last blog ..you made up your own job didn’t you