Are long distance relationships the ideal?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under All, Dating, Featured, Tips & Advice
We’ve been closely following the long-distance relationships of a handful of single parent bloggers — and gushing all the way!
For example, there’s T, who blogs often about dating her guy long distance. We love how she keeps it positive when it comes to balancing it all: two kids, an ex, a full-time job… and her sweet Rascal.
“I know that I certainly wonder if all of this long-distance-goodness can translate into real-everyday-life wonderfulness,” T has written.
She’s not the only single parent blogger who is making a long-distance relationship work — and staying positive!
If you haven’t yet heard about Canadian Bald Guy and Momma Sunshine, you should.
In fact, Momma Sunshine has outlined the benefits of being in a long distance relationship on her site.
“At the stage of my life I’m in right now, being in a long distance relationship is actually pretty beneficial,” she writes, going on to explain all the reasons why their time apart is actually positive.
Canadian Bald Guy even wrote about proposing marriage (!) — although he said that that he and Sunshine would need to live in the same city, for starters.
If you’re in a long distance relationship now, we’d love to know.
Will you be able to see each other on Valentine’s Day?
In fact, we’d like to hear from any one who has had an LDR. We bet you have a lot to say.
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Twitter @ http://mommasunshine.wordpress.com
CBG and I won’t be spending Valentine’s Day together this year – we will both be spending it with our kids this year. And at this stage of the game, we’re both okay with that.
I read recently (wish I could remember where so I could reference it!) that long distance relationships actually have about the same success rate as more traditional relationships. Although the distance can be difficulty, I don’t think that it necessarily has to be.
MommaSunshine´s last blog ..My Top Five
Twitter @ http://mommasunshine.wordpress.com
I should add, too, that Valentine’s Day isn’t a huge deal for either one of us…because honestly, as corny as it sounds, we work to make every day that we’re together feel like Valentine’s Day. So being apart on February 14th isn’t that big of a deal for us. We’re going to “celebrate” together on the following Friday, when he comes to visit.
MommaSunshine´s last blog ..My Top Five
Oh my gosh is this timely. I’ve been in a long distance relationship for several months now with my old boyfriend from college. We’re both divorced and were both severely hurt by our exes, so we were both hesitant to get back into anything serious. In fact, I’d only dated one other guy since my divorce, and while he has been divorced longer and has met many more women, he said he’d only get so close before he’d find something wrong with each woman and move on. He had this huge wall up, but with me, it slowly came down and we reconnected on a deeper level. (The next woman he dated after me in college is the woman he married, and now we both realize that we never should have ended!)
Now we’re totally committed to each other and trying to figure out how we can make it permanent. (He’s probably going to ask me to marry him but we have to first figure out where we’re going to live.)
Rachel, interestingly enough, despite my feelings about not broadcasting my relationship status on Facebook, his current post tells everyone about me and how he feels about me! He’s coming in town tonight to spend the week with me, and while he has to leave before Valentine’s Day to pick up his daughter for the weekend, we will celebrate it while he’s here. Thursday’s also his birthday so we will celebrate that, as well.
Although the distance is challenging, I can honestly say I’ve never been happier. We have so much in common and he is truly my soul mate, so it’s worth the sacrifices.
Twitter @ canadianbaldguy
For the record, I just wrote that I’ll “never say never” when it comes to proposing again. And yes…living in the same city would certainly speed-up the process. But no worries…if a marriage proposal ever happens I’m sure “the Blogosphere” will be the first to know.
Anyway, I certainly wouldn’t call being in a long-distance relationship “ideal”, but when you come to terms with the distance then you end up seeing the positive aspects of it.
For Sunshine and I, we both needed (and still need) some of that “alone time” because we’re still trying to find out who we are and grow as individuals (Sunshine outlines the positives in her blog post that’s referenced). When we’re finally together (and it WILL happen), we’ll both be 100% prepared for the transition.
Finally, I’m not really a big fan of Valentine’s Day…I never have been. I think the distance actually makes each time we’re together our own little Valentine’s Day, as I don’t need one day a year to remind me to tell and/or show Sunshine how much she means to me.
Canadian Bald Guy´s last blog ..Over Too Soon
Twitter @ CulminatingLife
After meeting a woman from a online single parent’s support site, and then having the next 5 months spending most of our free moments either on the phone with each other or TXT and IMs, we have finally setup or first date to be on… Valentines weekend. With a day date on Saturday, and a dinner that night, and then a day/dinner date on Valentines.
If all goes well, we will be kicking off a full-on long distance relationship.
I can honestly say, that I’m up in the air if it will be ideal, but flights are pretty good distance wise, allowing us to see each other often.
Travis´s last blog ..Boom, My Heart Skips A…
Twitter @ CorrinRenee
My husband and I dated long distance for almost two years, eloped in Vegas, and then spent the first seven months of our marriage in different cities. We’ll be married three years in May.
To this day, and because of my husband’s odd schedule as a paramedic, we both rely heavily on technology to keep in touch. We spent many holidays physically apart, but had no problem communicating our love and affection.
Corrin: What a great story and a real inspiration for those of us who might be wondering if a LDR can really work. Thanks for joining the conversation.
Twitter @ http://kbhotmama.blogspot.com
My boyfriend and I met while we were both living in Seattle. He was involved in a serious relationship at the time, and we were just friends initially. When he and his wife split up, they both moved from Seattle. (She moved home to Dallas where her family could help her get back on her feet; he later moved to Toronto for work for three months, and then to Dallas to be near his kids.) We started dating after he moved to Toronto, and continued dating very long distance through the next two years. Given the economy at the time and my boyfriend’s struggle to find a job in Dallas, money for plane tickets was mostly out of the question during those two years. The majority of our relationship was conducted via phone, im, and video chats.
Was it ideal? Not at all. But it was probably for the best. We started dating very shortly after he and his wife split, and I think he needed that time to deal with the end of one relationship before diving head first into this one. We stuck it out, and he managed to get a job transfer from Dallas to Seattle. We’ve been living together since last September, and things couldn’t be better. His kids are still in Dallas, so things are not perfect. But his ex went back to school, and when she graduates she and the kids are returning to Seattle as well.
In the meantime, we don’t spend all of our holidays together. He usually spends holidays with his kids in Dallas, and I spend holidays with my kiddo in Seattle. But we’re both okay with that, given the circumstances. We will be spending Valentine’s Day together – for the first time ever. Our plans? Nothing. We both think Valentine’s Day is silly!
Martini Mom´s last blog ..Reflections on mis-remembering
Twitter @ http://anniegirl1138.wordpress.com
I wouldn’t say they are an ideal to aspire to. My LDR with my husband lasted just shy of six months when I moved to Canada (from Iowa) to marry him. I am not sure how (or why) anyone would drag out an LDR if they didn’t have to for job or family reasons. Sure, there is a bit of “heart grows fonder” but mostly it is more work then being in the same place. jmo.
We’ve been a couple for just over three years and married for almost 3years and I don’t miss the LDR days at all.
annie´s last blog ..I Am Not an Evil Stepmother
Twitter @ http://mommasunshine.wordpress.com
Annie, I read recently about a growing trend of couples who actually CHOOSE to live separate and apart from one another, usually for career reasons. At first it seemed like an odd concept to me, but then I realized that there are lots of ways of being a couple…some less traditional than others. Yes, LDRs can definitely be a lot of work, but I do believe that there can be benefits to being “on your own” even while being in relationship with someone.
MommaSunshine´s last blog ..My Top Five
Twitter @ http://tsquest.blogspot.com
Well, I feel honored to be a part of this conversation! (Sorry for the delay… celebrating Mardi Gras and the Saints victory and all!)
I certainly wouldn’t have chosen an LDR – especially after being in one previous to that with a soldier stationed in Iraq for 15 months. This one is different, however. Rascal makes daily (many times a day!) efforts to stay connected to me and I do the same. We both have exes to consider in our home towns. We both have careers. We’ve talked about being together more but at the moment, this is working for us. When we see each other, it feels so magical and yet there is a depth of understanding about who the other person is. We talk so much that we just inherently know each other. I love it. It is a struggle at times but as long as we continue to connect, it seems to be working for us.
We will be unable to be together on Valentines Day but I did give him a little gift this weekend. I will also be seeing him next weekend for our own private celebration.
Thanks for covering this topic. Thankfully, because of the wonders of technology, LDR’s are probably more common now than ever.
T´s last blog ..Mardi Gras/Saints Weekend in Pics
Twitter @ singlemomma_cc
One day we will get our Valentines Day together!
My first Valentines Day since the PIT was born that I actually have a bf…that I actually totally dig (whole new concept for me) but we live 1093 miles apart….which blows goats. As much as Id love to spend Valentines Day with Mr Man….We wont be spending V-day together but we will both be spending it with our girls…in different time zones but hey
singlemomma_cc´s last blog ..Valentines Day-love it or not here it comes
This post is so timely. Starting something new with a guy that is pretty far away, but it’s actually working pretty well for us, so far. We’re spending the weekend together, and I’m very excited!
Twitter @ http://jeanieinparadise.blogspot.com
When I first started “going out” with V, we had 800km (500 miles) between us, but I moved towards the half-way (a decision made before he was in the picture).
We spent quite a long time doing only weekends, lot of IMs, phone calls and texts. I think it really worked for us as it gave us a lot of time getting used to each other without being “on top of” each other – and definitely gave my daughter a good adjustment period.
jeanie´s last blog ..No! Sleep! ‘Til Bedtime!
Twitter @ http://coparenting101.org/
Next month, my long-distance dating relationship will become a long-distance marriage. My boo and I both have shared custody of our kids, and we both value being close-proximity parents, so it’s going to be a while before we live in the same place full-time. We’ve been together over 3 years, and we’ve pretty much mastered the art of schedule alignment, making technology sexy, and maximizing our time together (with and without kids). “Blended” families makes it sound overly simplistic where kids are concerned, but in other respects we really have blended our lives as much as we possibly can.
We won’t spend Valentine’s Day together this year, but that’s not a big deal to us. Aside: If anyone is looking for a clever VD gift, last year I gave him custom M&M’s with a picture of me stamped on them.
Deesha´s last blog ..Co-Parenting Dad to Girlfriend: “My Kids Will Always Come Before You”
Twitter @ laurenmli
I’m way late in the game here, but I’ll chime in anyway.
I’ve been in a LDR for almost two years now. My boyfriend and I live a 2-hour car ride from each other. While I would rather us live closer now, I’m glad that there was distance in the beginning. We had both split with our ex’s only 6-9 months before we met. We met through mutual friends (not as a set up, but at a function), and talked on the phone more than anything for a couple of months.
We had our first date about a month after we met. Due to the distance and our baggage, we really didn’t expect that our friendship would lead to anything, despite our attraction to each other. But we enjoyed each other’s company, and it was nice to have someone who could relate. It was only a matter of months before I was in love — like it or not.
In the beginning, the distance worked in our favor, in my opinion. It forced us to take it slow and allowed us to work through our post-divorce bologna, giving us time to be ourselves, by ourselves. And over time, it has instilled a real appreciation for the time we spend together.
I still don’t care for the drive. I leased a car about a week before I met him. Needless to say, I’m WAY over my miles. And I could get a lot of blogging done during the 4 – 12 hours I spend in the car each month.
It’s also a pain that when we have other plans or obligations in our respective hometowns, it means we can’t see each other at all. In non-LDRs, if you have other plans on Saturday night, you can still have lunch on Saturday afternoon.
But more importantly, almost two years in, I just miss him all week long and want to be together – always.
I am typing this comment from his home, where he, Braden and I are spending Valentine’s Day weekend together — doing nothing special but enjoying each other’s company.
Lauren´s last blog ..Thankful This Thursday: The Small Stuff
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
@Jeanie: It’s SO great to hear from you! Congrats on opening yourself up to love again. It has been so wonderful to watch your journey.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
Thanks @T for pointing out that “because of the wonders of technology, LDRs are probably more common now than ever.”
True, and hopefully this also makes the distance less challenging? (Hello video chatting!). We’d love to know how others in LDRs use technology to help them stay in touch. IMing? Skyping?