Do you warn your kids about “stranger danger”?
When Alisa Maier was returned safely to her parents, the collective sigh of relief was audible. In case you did not follow this frightening news story, four-year-old Alisa was snatched from her front yard in rural Missouri while she played with her brother. Thankfully, law enforcement authorities were able to locate her and return her to the care of her grateful family. (The alleged kidnapper committed suicide.)
Kidnapping by a stranger ignites some of our deepest parental fears. And those fears were evident as countless “parenting experts” weighed in on how to keep kids safe from stranger abduction. Some of the advice offered was helpful, such as: do not emblazon kids’ first names on clothing or book bags, and teach kids that unfamiliar adults don’t ask kids for help to do “grown-up jobs” such as locate lost puppies. We agree that these are both common sense tips worth repeating.
Some “parenting experts,” however, spoke loudly about the need for strict family rules to prevent stranger abduction. For example, one “expert” on a big parenting website smugly proclaimed that she’d never let her kids play in the front yard. Instructing your kids to to scream “You’re not my mommy or daddy” was part of another “expert’s” plan. And some of these experts staunchly advocated making sure little kids watched news coverage on Alisa’s plight to reinforce the message that “stranger danger” is an ever present threat.
We’re just not sure about the value of instilling such fear in young kids. And we’re perplexed about where to draw the line between teaching kids to stay safe and making kids fearful and distrustful.
This we know for sure: We’re the only ones who should make the rules in our “real families.” So, we’re anxious to hear from YOU …
Do you warn your little kids about “stranger danger”?
If so, what exactly do you tell your kids?
Are there certain rules you insist your kids follow?
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(Photo courtesy of RoyalSalt)
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Twitter @ http://mommasunshine.wordpress.com
My kids and I have had conversations about strangers but I also don’t want my children to live in fear. Also? The chances of my children being abducted by a stranger are pretty low. Sexual abuse (by someone my children know or have met) is a much more likely threat, and so my girls and I have had conversations about their bodies and appropriate contact – both by people they know and don’t know. But I am careful to discuss this with them in a matter-of-factly way, so that they’re NOT walking around in fear.
Momma Sunshine´s last blog ..Reconnecting
Twitter @ http://tsquest.blogspot.com
I didn’t know about this story but I do talk to my daughters about this. The best teaching technique I’ve found (and love) is the video on Stranger Safety found here: http://www.thesafeside.com/
They also have an internet safety video.
The superhero in the video, Safe Side Super Chick, teaches kids about stranger safety in a fun way. The videos were made by Julie Clark, the lady who did Baby Einstein videos, and John Walsch from America’s Most Wanted (whose son was also abducted and murdered).
Check it out!
T´s last blog ..Firsts- for me- in Mexico
Twitter @ notthecar
A child is more likely to be adubucted or abused by someone they know or kinda know then a stranger. The fact is stranger abductions are very rare, but there are all this stranger danger videos and classes and none about what to do in Uncle Jim is touching you inappropriately.
I do the barest minimum of stranger danger. don’t go off with people you don’t know and who is the best to talk to if she’s lost. I spent a lot more time focusing on when people she does know make her uncomfortable. My daughter is autistic and has a rough time expressing emotion so its explained in the most black and white way possible.
Twitter @ aprilabtbalance
I agree – we don’t want our kids afraid to do anything. As always, balance is necessary. And like Momma Sunshine said, it’s more likely that it’s someone they somewhat know than a total stranger. So I used a secret password. I told them if ever I wasn’t going to pick them up and someone else would, there were only 3 people who could pick them up in my absence, and if I had agreed to let anyone else do it, they would know the secret password.
I think the point the expert was trying to make about screaming was that the best defense to this is trying to create a disturbance so that the suspect will not go through with it. However, I agree that making kids watch this sort of news could create more harm than good.
April´s last blog ..I was a lady who lunches for a day
Twitter @ http://singlemommindy.blogspot.com
You have to teach your kids about the possibilities of stranger-danger. Otherwise my 4 y/o would talk to everyone and think it was okay to “go help find a lost puppy” or whatever line someone might use to lure a child away. Awareness is essential but I dont think making a child fearful or paranoid is helpful at all.
Mindy@SingleMomSays´s last blog ..Lazy Weekend – Single Mom Style
Twitter @ onein36million
I’m going to go with what Momma Sunshine and Kia said – abduction by a stranger is pretty unlikely. As I understand it, the stats show that such things have decreased over the last 20 or 30 years, we just perceive that the risk has increased because of the media coverage and the hype.
I chat with my 4 year old son about it, of course. Like, we have a quick discussion before he runs off in a big playground – can you leave here without Mommy? Noooo. What if someone you don’t know says you should go with them? What if it’s a kid? What if they say I sent them? No, if you’re not holding my hand you don’t leave the playground.
Then I send him off to play.
I do like the idea of a password though.
Melanie´s last blog ..Weekend Happiness
Twitter @ http://gawlas.blogspot.com
I think its more important to teach kids appropriate social skills than it is to teach them to be afraid of strange adults. Kids who realize that its not normal for someone who doesn’t know them to talk to them or ask the to do something are just as prepared as a kids who’s been coached to scream at a stranger.
My younger two would go off with anyone too, if I didn’t work with them on “you don’t know that person so don’t talk to him or her”. My older child is eleven and I have had conversations with him about the fact that there are people out there who enjoy hurting kids and that he needs to be careful of who he trusts and to let me or a trustworthy adult if someone makes him uncomfortable.
I don’t think making my kids scared is good for them though. So I realize that when they play out side, there is a tiny chance of them being snatched. they could be hit by a car, we could be clobbered by a drunk driver, lightening could strike.
There are things I can do to reduce the risk, but nothing takes the risk to zero.
alley´s last blog ..Sucketty mcsuck-suck