Your bedroom is not the family room
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Dating, Sex, Tips & Advice
Nobody is a bigger fan of Rachel Sarah, a.k.a. Single Mom Seeking, than me. I read her fabulous book cover to cover in one evening — and made my friends buy their own copies. I’ve followed her blog avidly long before we met and founded Singlemommyhood.
That’s why I was so terribly disappointed in her response to Single Mom Seeking’s giveaway poster contest. (You can still enter, by the way!)
Rachel, what’s the matter with you? You want a huge poster sized picture of your child (beautiful, of course, but that’s not the point) as the focal point of your bedroom?
Here’s the truth from me, the Sanity Fairy:
It doesn’t matter if you go on JDate, get fixed up, or just talk to cute guys at Whole Foods. You are never going to meet the man you hope for if your bedroom is actually your family room.
Your bedroom should be your constant inspiration for romance, intimacy — and, of course, great sex.
Who can possibly fantasize or relax “privately” if your kid is staring down at you bigger than life?
Huge pictures of your kids in your bedroom guarantees your love life will far less than you deserve. The same is true for kid art, little framed pictures all over the place, and pictures of you with your ex. Of course, you looked gorgeous at that event, but, please, what’s the message in flaunting your past?
Turning your bedroom into a sexual haven — that means a kid-free zone — is an important first step toward a lusty sex life (even if you are not planning any home sex fests any time soon).
Don’t you find that kid pictures are, well, just a bit distracting during your private moments?
We loved how Single Mom Says put it recently when she asked in her blog:
“What message are you sending to those that walk through your door?“
So, tell us: What message is your bedroom sending?
How is your bedroom decorated?
Do you have kid pictures in your bedroom?
In other words, kiddie graduation photos in your bedroom are a no-no!
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Twitter @ http://www.cathouseteri.blogspot.com
The bedroom should be a private place for private things. Children should not be allowed to wander into their parents’ bedroom and treat it like it is “just another room.” This respect for territories is important at even the basest of levels.
No doubt it is easier to get a little slack on this concept when you are a single parent, since you probably like the company. But beware. You won’t always want your children in there.
And yes, I agree. Posters and pictures of the children don’t belong in the master bedroom.
The bedroom should be a place of rest, safety and intimate expression. And should be accessorized accordingly.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
You already know I’m in complete agreement with this one. The bedroom should represent our love lives – or how we want your love life to be. It’s no secret we have kids and they are a big part of our lives but there’s no need for tons of pictures and their stuff in our bedrooms. Better to make it a mommy-free zone.
Thanks for the link today and I have put you on my blogroll!
Appropriate accessories.
Hmmm . . .There’s a tantalizing topic.
Thanks, Catty Granny Terri.
Twitter @ http://goingsaneinacrazyworld.blogspot.com/
Your bedroom should be your sanctum. No TV or anything that should be taking away from your sleep or sex life.
Privacy and your own space is important for everyone. Make your own space your own space.If the door is closed, knock ,should be taught early.
Mike: My bedroom is also TV free. With violence dominating the programming and 24 hour talking heads pontificating endlessly about the terrible state of the world, I can’t imagine “relaxing” with TV.
Lots of experts (my hand is raised) agree that bedrooms should be for sleep (more than most of us get) and sex (ditto).
MaggieG: Welcome back.
Asking permission by knocking on the door is a wonderful idea.
Teaching good manners is a priceless gift to our kids. Taught early? Definitely. By about four years of age, every kid can master this simple act of respect for others.
Thanks for making this important point.
Twitter @ http://www.cathouseteri.blogspot.com
Yes! Do make it the next topic, Dr. Leah!
Just as a side note, I also think children should be allowed the privilege of having their own zones. Where people must knock before entering their space. Respect goes both way.
Catty Granny Terri: Stay tuned; we’ll be posting on that very topic shortly.
You’re so right about kids deserving privacy and the “knocking” issue going both ways.
A hint from the “Sanity Fairy”…
When you show that respect,the responsibility for cleaning their rooms is more easily assigned to the kids rather than falling, by neglect, to you.
Hope that helps.
I agree you shouldn’t have a big poster of your kids in the bedroom, but I have some photos of my kids on a dresser in my bedroom, and it has not hurt my sex life. Women who visit my inner bedroom sanctum find those photos endearing.
dadshouse: What would you expect these visitors to your “inner bedroom” to say? Of course, they murmur endearing comments.
Have you ever wondered what they are really thinking?
Thus far, the solution for me is has been a roll-top desk that opens to reveal my framed photos. (I don’t use it as a desk.) But now that I think about it, it should be a space that reflects the most inner aspects of who I am. Hmm.
Twitter @ http://tsquest.blogspot.com
Well, it will come as no surprise to those that know (or read) me that my bedroom is spicy! I have never made my bedroom in to a nice haven… even when I was married I always talked about it. Now that I am in my own house, I did it. I painted it red… yep, SPICY RED… and made it into a Moroccan boudoir complete with velvet curtains, plush pillows and lots of candles. When I’m alone, which is most of the time, I enjoy my little oasis. When I’m “entertaining”, it becomes a sexy place to relax and have fun.
I do have a few pictures of my children on my dresser but they are barely noticeable by candlelight.
And I do have a TV in the room as well. For… um… watching stimulating movies.
Great post and great advice too!
Another bit of advice for single parents, try to “make room” for someone else by sleeping on one side of the bed. Sort of a feng shui for single parents. Now THAT’s a good post! What other things would you recommend Dr Leah?
Twitter @ honoree
Hi Rachel! I learned from a feng shui class that there should be no pictures in your bedroom other than of you (and only you) until you have found “the one” … and then happy pictures of the two of you should be in as many places as possible. I am touched by your desire to have a giant photo of the two of you in your home – speaks volumes about you – and I know you’ll love it (I know because I have one and it makes me smile every time I see it!). Happy weekend!
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
I believe in the feng shui of sleeping on one side of the bed too. Same goes for keeping the room about me – not my kids, hence the bedroom reflecting your love life statement. I would also love to see a post on Dr. Leah’s Feng Shui for Single Parents!
My mom just gave me a beautifully framed picture of my sons and I. It’s like 11 X 17 or something. Realizing it won’t work anywhere I’m putting it away for a time. I even hesitate putting large pictures like this up in common areas of the house. They definatley have no place in my bedroom.
Twitter @ http://www.ptlawmom.com
Great post, Leah! I hadn’t even thought about that. I just thought “Where the heck would I put that huge poster?!?” But I agree that the bedroom should be somewhat of a haven. I also agree with T that a TV is essential for certain “necessities”. Laptop screens just aren’t convenient.
I just left Rachel a comment… and I was right on the money but had to read your answers for myself.
Love this post!!
**smiles**
Dee
Just looked about and I do have two small (wallet size) framed photos of my children on my tall dresser. Can’t see them from my bed or standing, because of the books in the way. However, I do know that pictures of children in a single mothers room don’t bother me. Pictures of the ex, or some other guy might be more of an issue *L*.
My bedroom appearance. Large north African styled bedroom furniture. King sized, tall four poster bed. Persian rugs. Armoire that conceals a stereo, TV, CD’s and DVD’s.
Your point is well made DrLeah. I don’t know what a woman will be thinking, regardless of what she says. I’ve only invited one lady to my home. She’s the only one to see my bedroom, so I guess I can ask her when we go out this weekend.
Twitter @ iswirls
Wow there are soo many comments here. And like always..I’m fashionably late to the party.
If I walked into a bedroom with a poster size picture of the family..I’d be turned off. A few months a go I met a woman who had a tattoo. It covered her back and it was a picture of her daughter. And she wondered why her dating life was at a halting point. I had to tell her it would be a odd thing to see during intimate moments. Of course, I didn’t date her.
Save the poster size pictures for the hallway, family room or media room.
Well, I’m waaay late, but I find this topic interesting. I wish it was only a picture. My girlfriend has a habit of piling laundry on her bed three and four feet high, and she sincerely wonders why I’m not in the mood sometimes. The rest of the house is sometimes not very neat also (and, in the interest of full disclosure, I am someone of a neat freak), but I can live with that to a degree. The bedroom mess though, can definitely put a damper on things, psychologically. I often wonder if some women realize what signals they’re sending out when they invite their man over with a sexy evening in mind, and the bed is piled high with three or four loads of laundry. I think it definitely sends out a mixed message, to say the least.
Orvin: Thanks for stopping by …we’re on the record @Singlemommyhood. Clutter is the enemy of great sex.