Do you disclose your “singlemommyhood” when networking?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Kids, Relationships, Single Parents, Tips & Advice
Sorry for starting off the week with a downer, but in this terrible economy, there are no guarantees.
Many of you have told us that “9-5″ may no longer be enough. Maybe you are looking for part-time extra work to supplement your income — or you’re moving towards self-employment.
Some of you are unemployed through no fault of your own.
No matter what your present job status, you’ve told us that you’re casting a wide net.
And that means we’re all constantly and consciously networking.
We’d love to know what that networking looks like for you. Are you always on alert, whether you’re at Starbucks, Kinko’s, or a PTA event? Have you created a profile on LinkedIn?
Have you updated your Facebook status update tool to alert friends that your job-seeking? We’ve seen people using Twitter Search to find employees who are Tweeting about jobs. (We’re amazed that some employees now Tweet the first mention of a job opening before listing elsewhere!)
So, what does job-searching mean for you? There’s a particularly vexing issue for single parents.
If you make it plainly known that you’re a single parent, it helps co-workers, prospective employers or clients understand the circumstances from which you operate. If you’re juggling career and family responsibilities solo, you may need additional flexibility with work hours or business travel.
On the other hand, if you put your “singlemommyhood” out there, you may run the risk of being judged as someone who won’t be able to manage. Will employers question whether you can take on demanding assignments with extra work hours? Some single parents might not mention their parental status in fear of unwittingly limiting their career choices.
We’d love to know what your choice is. We understand that it’s personal. This career dilemma likely depends upon your own circumstances. There are factors such as the age of your children, your available support network, and your financial situation.
Tell us: do you disclose your “singlemommyhood” up front as you network?
Of course, we’re especially interested in knowing how single dads handle this dilemma.
|
Ultimate go-to guide for single mothers. The Complete Single Mother is the only comprehensive and best selling self help book ever written for single parents. It’s packed with savvy advice, sisterly comfort, as well as reassuring answers to all your single mom challenges. |
|
Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
No related posts.
Twitter @ aprilabtbalance
My present bosses were always aware of my situation, and I think they were impressed at how much I’ve accomplished as a single mom. If I had to look for another job, I would be upfront about it. I don’t think I could work for people (for very long) that didn’t appreciate all that my single motherhood brings to the table: a stronger sense of responsibility, commitment, and never giving up!
April’s last blog post..Weekend Wrap-Up
Twitter @ http://badmummynocookie.com
I wouldn’t bring it up. No way, no how. My single parenthood was a factor in my last job and I think it contributed to being let go. After all, I couldn’t put in the 60-hour weeks that they wanted from me.
Now that I’m job searching (for the first time as a single mum), I’m noticing how many positions just don’t work with my parenting schedule. I can’t start before the daycare opens and I will not work Saturdays when I only have every other weekend with my daughter.
Bad Mummy’s last blog post..Not Well
Twitter @ MsV1959
Yep I’ve done it.
Nope. I’ll never do it again. People tend to think you want special arrangements…which you do.
…like being home when your kid is, or not being able to go to certain functions because you have no child care.
I work in education, where you’d think colleagues would be the most appreciative of parenting.
Um. No.
Ms. V’s last blog post..Ms. V’s Virgin Taper
I’m of the mind that being a single parent doesn’t define me as a person. It’s something I deal with, just like my son’s autism is something we deal with, but it doesn’t define him as a person. They can’t ask you about your marital status, so why offer it? You should be hired based on your merits and qualifications for the job, not what you do when you get home. On the flip-side, don’t apply for jobs that may not be compatible with your lifestyle, so that employers aren’t put in a position of having to deal with your issues. That’s not fair to them or your potential co-workers, either.
Anna: That’s another topic I’ve thought a lot about…. is there an ideal job for single parents?
You wrote: “Don’t apply for jobs that may not be compatible with your lifestyle, so that employers aren’t put in a position of having to deal with your issues.”
I’d love to hear which jobs might be most compatible with a single parent’s lifestyle!
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
It’s seems that it would be hurtful to disclose. I would avoid it if I could. I once took a position during my first month of pregancy. I knew they wouldn’t hire me if they knew I was pregnant but they couldn’t fire me because of it and I needed the job. I waited until I began to show before I said anything and by then had proven myself as an employee.
MindyMom’s last blog post..A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
I agree with Anna I have been careful in my job hunting and ask questions about their expectations such as work hours and Saturdays to insure it was a family friendly workplace. This helped me decide if we were compatible although I never mentioned that I was a single parent. I had my daughters young so I always try to avoid quick judgment. Once my coworkers got to know me they knew that I was great at my job and balanced my home life well.
I definitely do not go out of my way to disclose that I’m a single Mom unless it is relevant to my client’s situation (perhaps he or she is a single parent) in which case it usually helps solidify our working relationship and friendship. I am a Realtor (which I think is a hard job with long hours but one which is compatible from doing a lot of work from home which is great for single Moms) and my clients have offered many times in the past to take my child while I’m showing homes. I don’t take many people up on it but it does happen and has led to some great friendships. I also bring my son along on showings and occasionally on listing appointments and he entertains my clients’ children while I work.
For me it’s on a case by case basis. You can probably tell that I’m pretty up-front about just about everything!
I don’t have it on my resume, but if it comes up in conversation, I don’t hide it or lie about it. There have been several positions that I interviewed for recently that listed some travel as a requirement. I’ve been very open with the employers about the fact that I am a single mom with two small children so travel is difficult for me, but not impossible. My last job was classified as 25% travel but they counted day meetings downtown as travel. I only wound up being away overnight about once a year. That’s fine with me and I can work that out now. If they want me out of town for weeks at a time or several nights a week, then that’s going to be a problem. I’d rather both of us be honest about that up front than to have to find out later.
Wondermom’s last blog post..Happy Easter!
I’d rather talk about my sex life in a job interview than mention I’m a single mom. Period. I feel like they “can’t” discriminate against me, but they do. It’s illegal for them to ask if I have kids, and while it has happened, I just shrug and shake my head a bit. Yeah, that generally means “not quite yet, but maybe someday.” Ha. They can interpret it how they want, I don’t care, but I stay in the closet about my kid for at least the first month, if I can. My current position, I was a temp for two months first, so they found out I had a kid, and they hired me anyway, but they’re still not very family-friendly. They don’t really get why I hate doing evening or weekend stuff–it is a huge disruption to the schedule. And I’m job-hunting right now, but there isn’t much out there that will pay me even close to what I’m worth that doesn’t require really long hours, travel, weekends, whatever. It sucks. (I’m a downer, sorry.)
I don’t bring up my single mama status, until the job interview. I landed the last job I applied for anyway, despite being open about it on the interview.
I only brought it up in the context of travel because I’m just not able to do a huge amount of business travel. So wanted to be crystal clear on that front.
It’s wonderful to be the first person out of the office every day and with a very valid, built-in excuse that no one can fault me for…picking up my son from school
Mama Dharma’s last blog post..13 years.
I’m still with the same company I was doing when I became a single dad. Although I’ve moved to different branches over the years.
It was tough doing my job after that. Still is since not only my oldest is married and left the nest. I havent’ been able to do the things that would get me promoted, but that’s a price I was willing to pay when I fought for custody of my children.
And yes, I always state that I’m a single parent when I’ve met with any new supervisor. I want them to know that I have priorities in my life that may at times impact my availability on the job.
Ok, I’ll never get promoted, but I do my job well, so at least I’ve been able to keep it and provide for my children.
It depends on the situation, but, generally, I do.
I am not ashamed of it and I don’t like to leave clients hanging and wondering why I am only available between certain hours.
I think being straightforward and honest shows my character.
I don’t think of it as an excuse and I don’t use it as such.
I don’t like people to think “She can’t do that because she’s a single mom.”
I like them to think, “Wow, she does a great job and she’s an amazing parent.”
Nicole: Thanks for joining the conversation. Terrific perspective on combining work life and parenting responsibilities.