When should a love interest read your blog?
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under Dating, Tips & Advice
When do you let someone you’re dating read your blog?
A single mom blogger whom we admire a lot — C. from Running Leap – recently wrote to us with this dilemma:
“I started seeing someone and he knows that I blog, but I haven’t shared the link with him,” she began.
“He knows I have a blog, and he knows I’ve written about him. He has expressed some interest in reading what I write. But, if I give him the link, he will have access to months and months of self-absorbed blog posts about my divorce, my dates, my anxieties, and even a few not-so-attractive diatribes against Evil Ex… But if these things are deal breakers — if he would like me less after reading my blog — I’d want to know that now, wouldn’t I?”
After a lot of thought, she did email the link to him:
“How can I write a blog entitled Leap and the Net Will Appear and not just take the leap?”
In the end, she decided that her blog “reflects who I am and what I’ve been going through.” And sharing who she is with a man she’s growing very fond of felt important to her.
Still, C. asked us to put the question out there:
If you’re a single parent who blogs, when do you share your URL with someone you’re dating?
We’d love to hear from you. Is it better to share right away — or to wait until a bit later?
Thanks so much to C. from Running Leap for letting us put this issue out there! (And, yes, that’s her Avatar above.)
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I would let them know probaly during first meeting/conversation. It’s one of those tell me about yourself things. I may not immediately give him the link though, might wait for 2nd or third date.
Twitter @ canadianbaldguy
After going through a unique experience of DATING a blogger, I’ve decided to not tell any potential date going forward until there’s a comfort level.
And on the flip side to that, I think it’s important to not say too much about the person I’m dating until such time that they know…so that afterwards, there isn’t too much awkwardness.
I think bloggers have a very fine line to walk.
Canadian Bald Guy’s last blog post..No complaints…
Twitter @ http://goingsaneinacrazyworld.blogspot.com/
Never. For me my blog is my journal of thoughts. I’m happy for people’s comments, but I do it for me. I tell dates that I journal and that’s about it. I believe my blog comes up on page 5 of Googling me.
Still I try to keep the other person semi-private which I’m still working on where that is.
Mike’s last blog post..Soggy Sunday
Twitter @ http://lovebabz.blogspot.com
I have had a very public life for so long. The blog is just another extension of that public life. I almost prefer He read it before things progress. If it scares him to death…then he ain’t the one. But if he reads…and still calls and still wants to kick it with me…then perhaps its all good.
I am who I say I am…its all on my blog
lovebabz’s last blog post..THE MYTH OF UNHAPPINESS
WHAT? You have to let them know about your blog? Then how the hell can you blog about them ?
I would hope that my new love would let me keep my blog to myself. I mean I guess whether they knew one way or another would change how I write it, but its my thing until I’m ready to share. Which could be never.
-OG
OG’s last blog post..For Crys!
Hello,
I found your blog through Mike’s blog.
I am not a parent, but I agree with Mike’s answer. I don’t even mention that I have a blog to any of my dates.
It’s to easy to misread what you write there.
Sandra’s last blog post..Why I love my bank
Sandra: Everyone is welcome at singlemommyhood. Thanks for offering your take on the “blog disclosure dilemma”.
I agree with some of the pp’s. My blog is like a personal journal. My dates don’t need to know about it. I would never disclose their identity or any of their personal details, so I don’t see anything wrong with keeping a secret.
proud canuck mama’s last blog post..I’m back
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
Sandra, we’re so glad you’re here!
I’m so curious to know from all of you:
If you were dating a blogger for 2 or 3 months – & he/she hadn’t come clean about the blog, would you be ok with that?
Single Mom Seeking’s last blog post..A boyfriend and a blog
Twitter @ http://wondermom-pickingupthepieces.blogspot.com/
I’ve gone back and forth on this one. I’ve been dating the current guy for almost a year (9-10 months?) and it’s never come up. Actually, once, he told me that I should consider blogging and I almost told him but I got cut off and never made it back to that topic. He knows I read everyone else’s blogs and comment but he doesn’t know that I write. Mine is anonymous so it’s highly unlikely that he would ever stumble onto it. Part of me wants to tell him, but at this point I feel guilty because I feel like I’ve been hiding it all this time. And I certainly don’t want him reading it. There’s nothing there that we haven’t talked about, but still, it’s like my diary…it’s my space.
Wondermom’s last blog post..Peanut butter
You women are the best at creating great topics and discussion. I am just going to answer with my gut feel instead of creating a “politically” correct answer. If you can’t come clean about your blog, move on. If he is scared of you because you are open and honest on your blog, move on. Just get it over with, let him in to what you do for a life and enjoy the process. I am not saying you spill the beans when you first meet him at the door, but to find out your “secret life” later and maybe scare him off, better early than later. Have fun together, and then talk about it. You might be surprised. Of course if you are complaining about him on your blog, who cares what he thinks anyway. he must not be right for you to begin with. However,if you are raving about his “skills” , leave the blog address everywhere…….
Barry’s last blog post..Softball Team Shows it is More than Wins and Loses
Thanks, Barry. A “rave” *chuckling* about his skills would likely be well received and put the blog in an entirely positive light.
Twitter @ http://mommasunshine.wordpress.com
I dated a fellow blogger, and when things ended they got…awkward. I decided after that to keep my blog private. The guy that I recently started seeing knows that I blog, but that I want to keep it private. It may be something that I ultimately end up sharing with the right person when the time is right…but I haven’t reached that comfort level with anyone yet…
MommaSunshine’s last blog post..Happy Birthday To Me
Twitter @ http://www.ptlawmom.com
I was very private about my blog for a long time. Even no only a few very close friends know about it. But I tend to agree with Barry. I am very open and only the FWBs/sex buddies get written about negatively. If I write about someone I am dating, they are usually reading and we have usually discussed the journaling/processing nature of my blog. I think trust and transparency are very important. Whether they choose to read is another thing. Ex Blue Eyes still reads daily and Mr. V checks in at least once a week. I try not to censor myself.
PT-LawMom’s last blog post..Crazy/confusing/weird weekend
I would give it as soon as they asked, and i’d mention it whenever it came up, no waiting or anything. For me, I would never write anything on a public blog that I wouldn’t want that person to read. Partially because it’d be so easy to get on my comp to check their mail one day and find it (then i’d be a jerk for hiding it, even more so if i talk about them) partially because i would NOT like finding out that someone was blogging about me (even if they changed names) and i didn’t know it, partially because i think its one of those ways to get to know me better.
HOWEVER, my Livejournal is another story. I’ve let my boyfriend go there, but i privatized a lot of entries, and we ended up stopping that so i can speak my mind. But all my entries are friends-only. He or anyone else can’t just stumble upon them, plus the people know me and when i’m venting they know that its not a direct reflection on who he is as a person, etc etc. To me a non-public place like that is same as chatting with a group of friends. Blogs that can be seen by any have different respect boundaries to me.
I’ve made the mistake of telling dates about my blogs and my writing in general. Either they jump on the bandwagon and I eventually wish they hadn’t — or they are really not interested (um, those relationships don’t last). I think blogs are good for strangers and people you know really, really well. The in betweeners, not really.
Alas, I write under my own name and have my website and blog linked. Anyone who googles me can find my blog. I had one date tell me that he knew about my blog but decided not to read it, preferring to get to know me the normal way. I appreciated that, though he found someone else after we had been on 4 dates, so jury is still out on whether that would work over a longer period of time.
I did tell him after that I had written about him, but haven’t heard his reaction, or even if he read any of it.
i have contemplated starting a new, more anonymous blog, so I could write more freely, but one seems to be keeping me plenty busy.
Abby Carter’s last blog post..Life with a set of Vietnamese Instructions
Twitter @ http://goingsaneinacrazyworld.blogspot.com/
After 2-3 months. I would be okay with them not tell me about it. It’s okay to have a part of your life that you aren’t sharing with me. It’s not hurting me and if it’s helping you great.
Mike’s last blog post..It’s So Logical
My boyfriend knows about my blog. He’s seen my site and knows the URL.
But, I’ve explained to him that while I would be okay with him reading it, it’s like a journal to me. A place to sort my thoughts out.
A place to vent.
I expressed my desire for it to remain that way as well.
He respects that.
He’s told me that he won’t read it if I think I will stop using it as such.
(Although, not being a blogger himself, he can’t understand why I would write and post things that I wouldn’t actually want anyone I know to read — and I can understand his POV)
He is absolutely very curious about it — especially when I post about him and I don’t mind showing him now and then.
I just prefer to keep it “mine.”
Nicole’s last blog post..I. Am. Exhausted.
I’m in the early stages with a guy right now…the “getting to know you” stuff. So far it’s going well. I didn’t volunteer my blog address but he mentioned starting a blog recently. I encouraged him & then told him about mine.
I was blogging before…but more of a journal. That was far too private to share; no one had that blog address. But, I agree that its good insight into who I am and what makes me tick.
Twitter @ writingtosanity
I would tell a guy I’m dating that I blog within the first or second conversation. My feeling is: if you don’t want someone to see something, don’t write it on your blog, or password it. The last relationship I was in… he didn’t understand the need to broadcast my feelings and my life to people I don’t know and will likely never meet. He claimed he was a “private” person, so I used a nickname for him until we had been together for about a year.
Since moving to NJ, I’ve made all entries prior to my move “private” so that no one but me can read them. I looked at it as an opportunity to not dwell on the past after my heartbreak and, instead, propel myself forward while meeting new people and making new memories.
Sorry, got off on a tangent there.
Desiree´s last blog ..Protected: Freedom