Is your kid’s teacher on Facebook?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Kids, Single Parents, Tips & Advice
We heard from a single dad who asked for some advice about a parenting dilemma regarding his 13-year-old son and Facebook.
One evening, his son came home very excited: he’d found out that his math teacher had a Facebook page. And he had a plan:
“Look!” his son exclaimed, “Isn’t she hot, Dad? You should definitely ask her out.”
Because his son was not Facebook friends with this particular teacher, he could not see her entire profile. But after seeing a glimpse of her profile photo, Dad did not deny this: she looked stunning in her skimpy bathing suit.
Still, this Dad wondered how to respond to his son’s well-intentioned suggestion. What was our first reaction?
No one but you should make the rules in your life. That said, we caution any parent from dating one of your kid’s teachers. We see this as an irresponsible parenting choice for one reason:
The potential for drama and fall-out on your kid is just too big a risk. We’ve posted comments on other sites stressing our belief that it’s crucial to have boundaries when it comes to your child’s school. We believe that school is “your kid’s place” — not a pick-up spot or a romantic opportunity for you.
No doubt, social networking is such a big part of life today that more and more social circles are intersecting. So, we’re curious if you are friends with any of your kid’s teachers on Facebook. (Rachel at Single Mom Seeking, for example, is Facebook friends with a handful of her child’s teachers!)
Or, maybe you are a teacher on Facebook?
We’re wondering: Have any of your kids ever tried to look up and befriend their teachers?
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Honestly, I’ve never thought of being friends with any of my child’s teachers via facebook.
Currently she is not allowed a facebook page so she has none of them on hers lol
As for dating a child’s teacher, I once had the hots for kiddos liason officer at the school but that would be entirely too much for kiddo I think. My friends, however, encouraged me to ask him out, I didn’t.
Twitter @ http://avigail74.blogspot.com
Im a teacher myself and have been asked out on dates from fathers. I’ve also had moms invited me to go out with mothers. I’ve explained that there’s an unspoken rule about befriending parents and it crosses the professional line. My professionalism is far more important than befriending parents.
I’ve also learned from experience that befriending a parent is not always the best thing. The parents tend to want to know everything about me–I think there’s a fascination with knowing about what teachers really do when not working and/or there past. They would ask extremely personal questions such as why my child’s father is not—once you let them know about your personal life—two things happen: they never see you as the same hard, working professional like they once did and/or they can now tell other parents about who you really are. Neither are very comfortable.
Howeer, once the child is out of my class and a few years have passed, it can then be safe.
We’ve been encoursaged to make smart decisions aout Facebook—I don’t think that it was a good idea that the teacher put a skimpy profile of herself. I think she could have saved those for the albums instead—which is what I have done.
Oh, one more thing, I’ve declined every invitation to become friends with parents—because there are inappropriate photos of me and I don’t always write appropriate things on the “what I’m thinking” subject line.
I am teacher and single mom with a Facebook page, but I have created a closed group for conversation with current students called “My Virtual Office Hours.” I request students who want to “friend” me go there. That way, we have clear boundaries. I haven’t had any parents of my students ask to be “friends,” but if I did, I would refer them there, too.
Teachers are held to a higher “private life” behavioral standard than other people — and while that can be a good thing, it also can be oppressive at times. Teaching in a conservative state, I know that there is a whole list of things that parents might not like about a teacher. Since I can’t predict all of them, I keep my Facebook page separate from the pages of current parents and students.
As far as dating between teachers and parents of students — no way. I teach in the high school at a K-12 school where my daughter also is an elementary school student, so I socialize also as a parent with the parents of my future students. I’ve been asked out, and I’ve considered it a few times, but in the end, the risk is too high. For a teacher, the work environment includes the parents of students, and dating in the work environment is just not wise.
I’m currently in teacher training and just finished a job as a long-term sub, and I can’t imagine putting anything on Facebook or elsewhere, such as a blog, that would be considered unprofessional, such as a bathing suit shot.
I have heard two general rules that impact on this dilemma.
1. No dating students (most relevant for college instructors, but bears mention) or their family members. This is such a hard and fast rule that it’s in the training manuals.
2. No putting anything on line that’s not public, and that means for everybody, including your boss, your mother, people who don’t like you, etc.
Sonja’s last blog post..How to keep a blog from getting boring
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
I’ve never thought of being FB friends with my kids’ teachers – nor would I want to be!
As for dating your kids teacher – DON’T do it. My father often hit on my teachers and I was mortified by it. As far as I know none of them ever went out with him but I think they all thought he was a creep.
MindyMom’s last blog post..Flashback Friday #3
I’m a teacher with a facebook page. I am not friends with any student in our system. I’m friends with a few graduates, but I monitor what I say on everyone’s page because there are current parents that could see it, etc.
As for dating a parent, No. Never.
Mindy Mom: What a sad memory childhood memory. When I worked as a teacher and school psychologist, there were always a couple of dads every school year who asked me out. Talk about a red flag! And a clear understanding of their skewed priorities. Teachers who dated parents lost so much credibility professionally. Endless gossip! Just never a good idea.
I agree with Avigail74. Your professionalism should never be compromised.
I’m impressed with how Anna and Sonja use Facebook features to enhance their professional status and work more effectively with kids. Bravo!
My sister is 16, and she has told me that a group of students created a “fake” facebook profile complete with friends FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE of getting a teacher to accept a friendship request in order to see her full profile.
Alicia’s last blog post..Ouchy WTF Email
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
Wow, Alicia! That possibility never would have occurred to me.
Dr. Leah’s last blog post..Is your kid’s teacher on Facebook?
i’m a teacher, blogger, and facebook member. i’m also on AIM & twitter & other net sources. i do not give out my info to the kids. plenty of times they’ve (students) asked for my AIM username and i always tell them no, i don’t have kids as my friends.
as long as you remember that whatever you put on the net is accessible to EVERYONE, no matter how private your profile is…you’re cool.
theprisonerswife’s last blog post..I Can Almost Taste It
I’m a teacher, blogger, and a member of both Facebook and MySpace, and not only is there NOTHING inappropriate on any of my profiles, but I also don’t “friend” anyone even remotely connected with my students. The one exception is a former student who is now in college, and the difference is that we also knew each other through the same Irish dance school we both danced with. I do regret “friending” her, though–not because of any of my stuff, but because of hers…I just don’t need to know all that stuff about her. TMI, if you get my drift. A guy I dated (with whom I work) did date the mother of one of his students (only a year after she was in his class) and he was NOT looked favorably upon by his colleagues because of it. NOT a good idea, under any circumstances.
Heather’s last blog post..The waiting game.
My kids aren’t into facebook. I will say that one of my ex girlfriends is a teacher at my son’s school.. but we dated before she became employed by the school.
I personally wouldn’t befriend any of my kids teachers unless I knew them previously.
Eathan’s last blog post..Letting Your Fingers Do The Talking
I am a teacher with a facebook page. It is private and all my facebook “friends” are personal friends. I have had students send friend requests and have turned them down. There is nothing objectional on my facebook page but there are photos of me and friends having drinks. Nothing wrong with that but why give students and parents something to gossip about?
My personal life is none of their business.
Teachers should keep facebook pages private and turn down any friend requests from students and their parents and anyone else who is not a personal friend.