Does your child use public restrooms alone?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Kids, Tips & Advice
Neither of us gave much thought to public bathrooms — until we became parents.
At first, it was all about the diaper changing area. Was there a changing table? Was it clean? Then, when it came to potty training, please give us a clean toilet and toilet seat covers.
Here’s the current dilemma for Rachel at Single Mom Seeking: when can you let your child use a public restroom alone?
She never quite imagined this scenario. After all, she doesn’t have a son. She just thought that she and her daughter would forever go to the restroom together. Right?
Wrong. Because when they are out — say, at a restaurant — her daughter often wants to use the restroom. Alone. She loves to be independent, and Rachel encourages this. If her daughter is with a friend, no problem. They can go together.
But alone?
It was this recent email in our Singlemommyhood box that made Rachel worry:
“One of the things I hope you will write about is safety with children using restrooms,” wrote Karon Gibson, RN, and co-author of Nurses on Our Own. “Do not let children go to any restroom alone anywhere.”
“I never let my nieces or nephews go unattended,” she went on. “I do not think that malls or theaters are safe either.”
But at a certain age, kids do will start using the restroom alone. Perhaps they’ll ask. Maybe you’ll encourage them.
So, at what age can your kids start using public bathrooms alone?
And, is it safe?
Here’s what Dr. Leah, aka, The Sanity Fairy™ says:
There is no one “magic age” when independent public bathroom use is “safe.” Absolutely nothing is without risk.
Here’s some ways, however, that you can keep your kids safe and encourage their independence:
Make it clear to your child that public bathrooms are strictly “for business.” Public bathrooms are not for conversation. And vending machines are strictly off limits. (And, of course, stress the importance of thorough hand washing.)
Before you allow your child to use a public bathroom alone, make sure your child is able to wait her turn, select and lock a stall, use the toilet, wash his or her hands, and leave promptly.
Of course, when I suggested to my eight-year-son that he use a toilet stall rather than a urinal, he said: “Why? That’s weird. ”
We’re wondering how you handle public bathroom use with your kids?
Do you let your kids go alone, or do you always accompany them?
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Great topic. I’m lucky enough to have my older son taking my youngest. But if it’s a family diner, I usually just keep an eye on the door because it’s a small bathroom. A larger and much busier place my 8 yr old goes with his brother or myself.
I have different rules for sporting events. I take him.
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I have 4 kids. They always have to go in pairs even if one doesn’t have to go…no one goes alone. Having been a police commissioner and having worked for a Rape Crisis in my early career I can tell you it is not a good idea…no matter how independent you think your child is. Predators are SMART…SMARTER.
There are lot of ways to let kids be independent, but in public places you have to appear attentive…because predators are watching and they know the attentive parents from the ones who are not.
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I’m curious what single dads do with their daughters or single moms with their sons.
The Mook’s dad hated changing her in public washrooms and now, at 3 1/2, he’s reluctant to take her anywhere that would involve a large bathroom (not a single stall). He doesn’t want her in the men’s washroom, esp since urinals offer very little privacy.
Kudos to those places that have family washrooms – malls, Ikea, etc – but at what age is your opposite sex child too old to accompany you to the washroom?
As an aside, don’t most victims of sexual assault *know* their predator? Should we perhaps also pay attention to talk of good touch and bad touch at the hands of our family and friends, teachers and counsellors?
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I make sure there are no exits between me and the bathroom and it’s within eyesight. Otherwise I have to take them. I will say that on 3 or 4 occasions when I came back the waiter or waitress was either looking for me as if I had ditched the check or they had cleared the table despite the fact we were not finished eating. That is maddening. What kind of parent with 2 young children would skip out on the check? I was very offended in those cases and tipped accordingly.
My daughter sings quite loudly in any bathroom she goes into so if I don’t hear her I get nervous.
Of course it depends on the location also. At a mall or beach I’d be right outside the door. At a nice restaurant there are fewer people. I also agree with Bad Mummy and have discussed touch with both of my kids. I’m attentive at all times and I’m also not small or slow. You can’t be slow or lazy with twins.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
Love this SDMktg: “You can’t be slow or lazy with twins.”
Ah, so true!
Yes, for me, it also depends on the location: I won’t let my child go to the restroom alone in the mall, movie theater, etc. But it’s different at a nice restaurant, where I keep my eye on the door.
LoveBabz: It sounds like you always make sure one child has a “buddy,” yes?
i dunno what age is right but i have 3 boys and ill tell u something they wont go alone for a long time! i have an 8 yr old, 6 yr old, and 4 yr old….and i dont trust anyone! especially anyone in the mens restroom! so until i can they will go w me or a single stall bathroom!
I have a boy and a girl, so I always look for family bathrooms whenever possible. (Especially if we’re traveling and need to use a rest stop.) My son hates it, though! There’s a lot of “Turn around! Don’t look!” In a pinch, if there’s no family restroom, I just stand right outside the door.
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If I can see the door to the restroom, then I will let my girls go without me, but not alone. They both have to go. If I can’t see the door from where I am, then we’ll all go.
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Mine just turned 5 and 3 this month. We all go together. Having been a waitress for years, if we’re in a restaurant I usually tell the server where we’re going. Sometimes people see an empty table and start clearing it without thinking about where the people went. It’s also not always your server that clears the table so I don’t take it personally if there’s a mixup, I just expect them to make it right.
My boys have figured out that there is a difference between the Mommy bathroom and the Daddy bathroom and they prefer the Daddy one because they think urinals are cool. So far, they don’t mind going with me in the Mommy one though. When FG is with us, they will sometimes ask if he can take them so they can go in the men’s room but they never go alone.
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