Need some kid vacation tips?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Kids, Tips & Advice
Are you sending your child off this summer, on his/her own? (Or, maybe you already have?).
Perhaps your child is going away for summer camp? Or, to the “other parent’s” home? Or, maybe to visit relatives in another state?
So, how can you help your kids be prepared? (As some of you might know, Rachel at Single Mom Seeking might need some advice on this one!)
Here’s what Dr. Leah, aka The Sanity Fairy, suggests:
Every day, in little ways, you’re preparing your children to separate from you. After all, this is part of growing up into independent human beings. This is why you tell your children what their responsibilities are at home. Learning how to do every day chores is part of life. Manners and behavior are taught, not assimilated.
For many kids, spending time with the “other parent” — or relatives — in the summer is the norm. Many kids go to sleep away camp for one week, or longer.
So, how do you prepare your child to anticipate the demands of a new social situation — and to manage his/her own needs in this new situation?
- Talk with your child about what it means to be a welcome house guest. This means: Picking up your clothes from the floor, making your bed, and clearing dishes after eating a meal. Keep your room pristine. Ditto with the bathroom. (Well, unless ‘Grandma’ tells you otherwise.)
- Remind your child to be polite. Plan to eat what’s served. This is a private home not a restaurant. When asked a question, do best to carry on a conversation. (No one-word answers.)
- Go over basic hygiene: This means taking regular showers, washing hair — and brushing it.
- Review “special” rules: Say, the front door might need to stay shut so the dog doesn’t run away.
- Remind your child to have fun. This might often mean playing alone. Go over what you’ve packed: books, games, cards… and how about those zip-lock bags you packed so that your child can transport his/her “treasures” home?
Lastly, remember this: if we convey anxiety, we create anxiety which inhibits kids from reaching developmental milestones. Taking a trip alone — without mom or dad — is a developmental milestone, like learning to walk!
We’d love to know how you prepare your kids for a trip away. What have you done before a trip? Or, talked about with your children?
Do you have some advice to add? We’re all ears!
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Should your child really be coached to feel like a “guest” at the “Other Parent”s house?
I remind my girl what a great kid she is and to be that great person everywhere she goes.
I tell her to trust her instincts, be aware of her surroundings and ask questions when she does not know.
I have tried to teach the “when in Rome…”
I let her bring any personal artifacts with her..she always brings a few photos, a stuffy or these silly slippers.
Kimberly, I don’t think it’s so much being coached to be a guest, but reminding them of how we wish them to be at all times. It builds self-confidence, encourages self-reliance, and that decreases the stress of being away from their primary care-giving parent.
I think Dr. Leah says it best here: ‘Manners and behavior are taught, not assimilated.’
Too true.
Twitter @ singlemommyhood
@Kimberly: Thanks for pointing out our error on that one!
Being a “guest” at your mom or dad’s house does sound odd, doesn’t it?
Twitter @ http://avigail74.blogspot.com
If I may, I’d like to brag: people always tell me how polite my child is when she is visiting their home. They are impressed with her making her own bed (they’ve asked me how I do it), putting away her own dishes, and saying proper things (please, thank you) and looking at people in the eye when talking.
As a teacher, I find it odd that many students/children do not have manners and therefore, and unfortunately, they are not very well respected by adults. What will happen to them when they grow up?
As for trips away, I only supply basic things (nothing overboard)–entertainment for plane rides (IPOD, coloring books, reading books). I don’t believe in overpampering my child–and believe that it’s the other person’s responsibility to entertain her. So far, it hasn’t been a problem.
It really does, Rachel.
My kids have beautiful manners–I routinely get compliments and the Zen Baby even had a comment on her kindy report about how polite and well mannered she is.
And it’s not that I don’t think manners are not important at home. I do.
But, much like the nudity thing, home is also a place to be somewhat less rigid. It’s the place where you can leave your underwear on the floor and the occasional Webkinz decorating the livingroom couch.
And the idea that the kids are NOT to treat the OP’s home as “home” does not sit well with me on several levels. The idea that a kid would need to use “company manners” when dealing with the Other Parent seems very, very wrong to me. It seems wrong if the Other Parent is expecting it, and bordering on alienating behaviour if the idea is coming from the parent with whom the child routinely lives.
Twitter @ singlemommyhood
@Judy: Thanks for that great tip, too: “Ask questions when you do not know.”
So important, and as simple as a kid making sure that he/she knows where the bathroom is, where to put dirty clothes, etc.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
Sounds like good advice. I know all the reminders I give my kids about manners and picking up after themselves seems to be pointless at home but for some reason it seems to kick in when they are guests elsewhere.
The real test will be with my oldest, who is going away to college in a couple weeks and will be living with a roomate in a dorm. Maybe then she will have a desire to keep her room clean and actually hang up her towel…