Are teens losing their social skills? We’re worried
Maybe you have a teenager (or more than one?) Maybe you work with teens, or you’ve got teenagers in your extended family. If you have a teen in your life, we’d love to know if you worry about this, too. We’ve chatted about all kinds of kids and technology dilemmas here (including the pros and cons of blogging about your kids!). So, when we read this great article about “Anti-Social Networking” in the New York Times, we wanted to see what you think.
Many kids consume media as a full-time job (with overtime) according to the Kaiser Family Foundation. Frankly, we do worry about these online activities long term. This New York Times piece questions the possible implications of texting, instant messaging, and Facebook on kids’ social skills. Before electronic media, kids often had a “best friend” in whom to confide. Long conversations took place on the telephone.
On Bruce Sallan’s recent radio show, he talked to Rachel about teenage boys who are asking girls to the prom via TEXTING (and then getting their hearts broken when these girls say “no” because they wanted the guys to ask on the phone or in person!)
Psychologists and other experts worry that our connected kids miss out on experiences that help them develop social skills, such as empathy and understanding. These experts also insist that when kids become teenagers, they are clueless about how to interpret body language and other social cues.
Other experts, however, believe that social networking are helping kids develop stronger friendships. They cite the 24/7 availability as a way kid friendships are strengthened. The benefits of social media for shy or withdrawn kids are touted. These experts see Facebook, for example, as a tool to help such kids develop critical social skills.
So, the experts are sharply divided. We believe the REAL experts are YOU. Especially since your kids are “digital natives” meaning they have grown up using computers.
So, we’re wondering …
Do the teens you know ever talk on the phone anymore? Or, is it all about texting?
Do you worry about the impact social networking might have on your kids’ social skills?
If so, what measures do you take (or hope to take) to help your kids develop friendships IRL?
Or, is our concern really a “non-issue” which does NOT worry you as a parent?
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We thank @TommyFishback for alerting us to the Kaiser Family Foundation study.
(Photo courtesy of glutster)
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I can see both sides of this issue. If texting and messaging is the only way your teen interacts with others you may have a problem. I don’t have a teen so I am in no way an expert here but I do interact with the teen youth group at our church. I would say that, like most things in life, it’s all about balance. I think that the right balance with texting and messaging is just fine. It’s a parents responsibility to make sure that a child is exposed to all the things they will need to be productive people when they grow up. I know my son would be on the DSi all day if I didn’t monitor it (he isn’t old enough to text, ha). It’s a tough issue but again I think it’s all about balance.
Twitter @ http://www.singleparenttravel.net
Texting has definitely taken over talking in my household. And sad downside to that was exposed this morning when my son was dumped by text.
John Frenaye´s last blog ..Rocking Horse Ranch — November 12-14, 2010
Twitter @ christinamcghee
As a parent of four (ages ranging from 20 to 10 years old) and a professional, I think there’s another side to the proverbial coin we need take a look at regarding social media.
As a parent, what kind of example are you setting for your children regarding the use of social media? I believe how we as adults are interacting with social media speaks volumes to our children. For example, do you jump for your Blackberry or iphone as soon as it buzzes no matter what? Do you frequently read a text in the middle of a conversation with your children or others? Or—do you have times in your family that are considered sacred and electronics/technology are off limits? Do your children see you engage in meaningful conversations/activities with others? Equally important, how are you balancing your own life in this ever changing technological world?
No doubt our world is changing at a rapid rate. As a parent, I think technology definitely has it’s pros and cons. However, just like with anything else, my job is to help my kids learn how to create balance in their lives and continue to support the values of family connections, good friendships and fresh air.
Twitter @ http://tsquest.blogspot.com
Yeah, I worry about this too. I also heard recently that children aren’t being taught cursive handwriting in school anymore because most things are done by computer now.
Can you believe that?
I mean… I guess its the sign of things to come but wow.
I once got a free chai tea latte at Starbucks because I didn’t answer my cell phone while I was ordering. The barista was so grateful to me that he gave me my order for free. He said no one makes eye contact anymore, no one even talks beyond what they want.
I don’t think its just teens that are affected by the digital age. Balance will come… hopefully soon.
T´s last blog ..Gratitude for the Weekend
Twitter @ CulminatingLife
Awesome… way to go girls! Remind those boys how they are expected to act. At some point they have to talk in person, or they won’t be with anyone.
Social networking is fine for many different things, and if the girl wants to be asked in person… when dang it ask her in person. Those boys should take this as an opportunity to get it straight and show some respect.
I mean, I’m big into social networking, got twitter, fb, im’ing 90% of time, and txt the other 90% lol.. yes I have math skills
The point is, she will hear my voice if I’m asking her out.
My son has spent countless hours talking on the phone, and I’ve noticed that girls yearn for that voice. Txting is great for short quick communications but my son has spent many nights up till 3am (Yeah… he got grounded) talking on the phone with these girls.
Travis´s last blog ..This Thought Brought To You By Pansies
Twitter @ psychdaddy
I see a lot of teens in my counseling practice. Many never unplug from media. So, sleep deprivation slips in as texting continues in the wee hours of the morning (Parents, secure the phones because this is waaay more common than we think) and what they say can be infinetly repeated. A verbal gaffe dies much more quickly than one in social media.
Twitter @ http://cantitbeabout.me
This has been a topic around our house lately. My bf and I are constantly online in one way or another. Heck, in the beginning our main form of communication was text! But, when we first met, he did have the good sense to call me to ask for a date. Since my 12 yr old is making his way in to the land of text, we have both made an effort to put away the phones and computers when the boys are speaking to us. I think this issue of social development really stands out more with boys than girls. My concern has been the “slang” spilling over in to regular conversation and handwriting. I feel like everything has been shortened ala text message. This concerns me. Will he actually learn how to compose an email (aka letter)? You can’t shorten everything!
And for the teenage girls, way to keep the boys in line! Don’t sacrifice those precious moments that you get to hear their nervous voice on the other end of the line-it’s priceless! I still have that first voicemail that bf left me almost 2 years ago.
Just D´s last blog ..Up and Down
This topic has been my dream thesis for many years… I plan to impliment a huge program in public high schools(fingers crossed I make it through the masters program first!) about the trouble with the cyber communications and the benefits as well.
I noticed the break down of communication skills very early. It was when I was a teenager. I had a friend tell me how no they would rather talk to me about a problem we had between us on Instant Messenger. I remember thinking huh??? Why?! And then after our conversation I saw why. She could simultaneously rip me a new one and not have to see my reaction while doing it. So she no longer felt bad. Since then I have learned to keep myself in good graces and…. I saw how this soon increased as time went on. My peers had issues confronting their peers about problems, even every day matter. They became nervous to talk! woah?! I notice this more and more today.
If you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying it in person don’t say it on social media. The gusto some people have to say some things they do on facebook, twitter, IM, txt, etcc etccccc
Twitter @ psychdaddy
**Some kids NEVER unplug @psychdaddy Any *rules* at your house about devices turned off?**
Good Question. Short answer is yes. Longer answer: Kids respond differently to the opportunities that texting and social media create. Being a Johnny-come-lately to texting myself, I’m amazed how useful it is. However, like anything else, moderation is key. My 12-year-old daughter has a cell phone but barely uses it (often to my frustration), but I keep an eye on the use anyway through the online account access. Also, I do (and highly advise other parents to) take thet cellphones at night. This should be a ground rule before handing out a phone to the offspring, that way you don’t have to “take it back” later. If you weren’t so lucky and there are now issues, do it at the first sign of issues (irritability, fatigue, appearing sleep deprived). Check online when they are texting/calling. The lure of communicating with friends late at night appears to be a nigh irresistable urge for a lot of teens.
This tendency aggravates the huge problem of sleep deprivation among adolescents. The National Institutes of Health recommends 9 (yes that’s right – 9) hours of sleep for adolescents. How many adolescents do I see in my practice that get that much through the school week? Not many. This leads to problems in academic performance, psychological functioning and family relations (aren’t we all crabby when we don’t sleep enough?). I know this doesn’t address Facebook and other social media, but I think the rules about access at night apply to them as well. Talk with your teens as well about what goes on in the online areana. You might be surprised at what you hear. Hope this helps.
Twitter @ CulminatingLife
Having Verizon’s parental controls in place have been awesome way to control usage. For instance I put time restraints where they can only call certain phones after 10PM, and text get’s blocked at the same time.
I then set the time restraints to open back up at 6am. Making it so during the night there phone is a glorified brick.
I couldn’t go to another provider, just because of Verizon’s flexibility in managing the all the cells (I have 4 that have restrictions)
I have been using the Internet for 16 years. I’m always up on the latest trends and since it’s my career too, I get to mess with it all day long.
(You should of seen how I controlled Internet usage until I was separated)
Travis´s last blog ..This Thought Brought To You By Pansies
I teach high school students in one of the wealthiest communities in the nation; therefore, the students are always plugged into the latest technology. However, I see social networking and texting as a tool to strengthen friendships among teens. Someone posts a comment on a Facebook, for example, and now teens have something new to talk about. They may find they have more in common with someone than they realized, and their friendships may blossom.
However, too many teens are not unplugged at night when they should be studying or sleeping. Thank you Travis for the insight on the parental controls through Verizon; I will pass this service feature along to parents who are struggling with their teens’ texting over-usage. My daughter is only 3 now but I know I will set strict limitations on her technology usage when she is older.
All parents and adults who work with children must also be aware of the potential for hurt feelings stemming from social networking. We need to teach our children to never post anything which could be construed as spiteful, hateful or insensitive and that once something is out there in cyber-world, you can’t take it back. Children also need to be taught how to handle the mean children who post negative comments about others because all of our children will be hurt at some point through social networking or texting and their hurt won’t be private.
So, no, teens aren’t losing their social skills; they are developing them at an alarming rate. Their social lives are taking over their intellectual capabilities. Thousands of students in school each day risk having their I-phones taken away by a teacher because they don’t want to miss the latest text from a friend. A student cannot write an essay without a text interruption every five minutes. Updating a Facebook page takes precedence over studying for a math test. Many teens’ grades suffer as a result, but that’s okay for them because they have friends. Will they learn to balance socializing and school work? It’s up to the parents and their teens at this point.
Twitter @ tiiajoneslove
It is a complicated problem, and the variety of opinions gives evidence to that. Many school districts have complex rules banning social media both in and out of the classroom (the recent Granite School District policy which doesn’t allow teachers to have any social media connections with students is one but there are so many others). I worked at a school–I’m an elementary school teacher–where ALL forms of technology were against the rules and would immediately be confiscated which I thought was asinine because this is such a ubiquitous part of their (and our!) world. It is here to stay, and I believe it’s our job as parents to learn how to help our kids manage it.
I asked my daughter if people ever use text to ask a girl out or break up and her response was, “That’s how they do it mom.” Well alrighty then. This is not our world. She messages me from her room to ask if dinner is ready.
I completely agree with Travis and others that there are many controls in place for parents who are concerned about computer and cell phone usage. My teenage daughter’s computer has a lock on it before and after a certain time. Verizon does have controls, and you can also check online when texts are being sent. I noticed some were being sent during school hours and took the phone away for three months. That seemed to solve the problem, and I haven’t noticed an issue since when I check.
I also think it is important, as others have said, to set an example and create a world of opportunities for social situations outside of the virtual world. Since my daughter was tiny, I’ve enrolled her in dance classes, Gymboree, soccer, cheerleading, horsebackriding, or whatever she showed an interest in. Someone mentioned church groups–very social! I volunteer at her school so that I can see first-hand what her social life is like. I go to every track meet, every cheer practice, and every lesson possible. She has friends over frequently, and our house is the “fun house.” Unfortunately, guess what they do? Yep, those giggling teenage girls get right on the computer!
Tiia Jones´s last blog ..Happy Father’s Day to Me!