Married moms who feel like single moms? We understand
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Relationships, Single Moms
We welcome our FLASM sisters to Singlemommyhood!
“FLASM” sisters are married women who Feel Like a Single Mom.
(And, of course, our FLASD brothers: married guys who Feel Like a Single Dad are welcome, too.)
One of my dearest friends is a FLASM. When we first met (at the playground, where else?) she quickly confided that she felt like a single mom.
I glanced down at her enormous diamond ring … okay, whatever. Was she kidding?
As our friendship grew, however, I found out that her husband was an undependable emotional presence in their kids’ lives. Although he was physically present every night, that’s as far as he went.
She’d quickly adopted many of my single mom survival strategies despite the obvious fact that she had another adult upon whom to depend. Or did she? Whenever a big or small crisis struck, the burden was always on her.
If my friend’s life story is personally familiar to you … FLASM sister, you are welcome here!
Our economic woes have increased the number of FLASM sisters, too.
Of course, you’ll feel this way when your husband or partner simply isn’t home. Some dads are reluctant “road warriors” who must travel constantly for business. Some couples are living in separate cities unable to find jobs in the same area.
Who can afford to say “no” these days? Any man who works on an oil rig, a remote construction site, or any job far from home leaves behind a FLASM wife. For moms whose partners are police officers or fire fighters FLASM is part of “the job”.
We welcome especially everyone whose “other parent” is serving in the military. Lots of men FLASD while the moms are keeping the rest of us safe. We honor your service. And, recognize the difficulties your commitments create for you and your kids.
Lurking FLASM sisters (and FLSD brothers) . . . please introduce yourselves.
Single moms and dads, please tell us: Can anyone with a partner truly feel like a single parent?
What’s your take on the emotional issues FLASM’s and FLASD’s confront?
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Jasperbear: We’re SO happy you found us. We hear your frustrations. Please visit us again soon. Our community is always here to listen.
I am so happy to have found this! I am a FLASM. I love my husband. I really do. But I sometimes wonder if I should continue putting up with my situation or if I do, how long will I do so before throwing in the towel. My husband is addicted to xbox. He’s all about xbox. Even every day converstation turns to xbox. His job is such that he can make his own schedule so long as he gets his 40 hours in. He’ll usually work 4 ten hour days to have Friday off. What does he do all day? Xbox. Rarely will he keep our 4yo daughter (which I believe consists of her playing with her toys while he plays xbox) and even when he does *I* still have to take our infant daughter to daycare because he refuses to keep her. He ‘doesn’t know what to do with her’ when she’s crying. Truth is, he simply isn’t patient enough to try different things such as bottle, playing, rocking to sleep, etc. I drop the girls off and pick them up. I do the grocery shopping and the cooking. I pay the bills. I clean. I do the laundry. I do the doctors appointments. I take the older daughter to her activities and soon will be the one to take her to school and pick her up from school. He plays xbox. Oh. He also cuts the grass and really pats his back about that. When he is playing his xbox, it’s out on the living room tv. This causes him to get irritated at us for walking in front of the tv. He also yells at the kids for making too much noise while he’s dropping the f-bomb, talking loudly and smack talking with the other gamers. I just don’t know what to do. I do love him but I’m tired of being the one to do it all while he sits on his butt playing his games. I feel like I have to stay with him though for the girls’ sake. Where would I go? How would I make ends meet with my salary?
Is there a forum for us here? I looked briefly but wasn’t able to locate it.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
@iluvmygirls: Thanks for sharing with us, we are sending you a big hug. It seems like there certainly should be a forum out there re: addiction to gaming… with spouses on the “other side” supporting each other. Please keep us in touch.
Twitter @ http://notyouraveragesinglemomma.com
“I feel like I have to stay with him though for the girls’ sake.”
Darling, all you *have* to do is pay taxes and die. Your girls will know that you stay even though you were miserable with that ass. My mom asked me when I was in the 3rd grade if I would be mad if she left my dad. I said yes. They stayed miserably married until I was in the 6th grade. It was horrible. Horrible knowing that my mother was so terribly miserable and that my dad was such an ass. I had much more respect for my mother when she finally left. No kid should have to see their mother suffer and especially not “for their sake” which can later be translated to “damnit, this IS all my fault”
It’s a struggle babe but you’re not alone. You DESERVE better than being second best to a gawddamn xbox. He can grow the fuck up or get the fuck out. You CAN do this. You’re not alone…not even when you feel certain you are.
{hugs}
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I was married to a gaming addict. It sucks when you have to go “booty call” your husband from a game just to have him finish and go back to it. You so deserve better. My parents should have split when I was young but I told my mom I’d stay with my dad if she moved out–she stayed until the DAY I MOVED TO COLLEGE! I mean it — THE DAY. She didn’t move me to college, my dad and a friend did. I wonder if I’ll get past that one day–haven’t yet. But the point is I knew they stayed together for me and it was terrible. I’m happy without my game-addicted husband…and I have one who isn’t addicted to anything (except maybe sleep but so am I…if the kids will let me get it!). In my case, mine left for another girl when we moved where there wasn’t high-speed internet anymore and he was “bored.” I wish I’d have left when we lived near friends and family and I was unhappy instead of moving to an area where I knew NO ONE. I promise you that something better is out there.
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hello… personally that is not my situation but i do have a very close friend that has this problem, her boyfriend is addidcted to a computer game (world of war craft) that guy is on it 24/7 .. when she was pregnant it was like he didn;t exist when she was home since he was allways on the computer room locked inside and wouldn;t come out only to go to the bathroom or eat… i mention to my friend that didn;t seemed to me like a healthy relationship since he wasn;t spending time with her at the time where us a women need our partner.. but she just said when the baby would be born he would change … SURE !! .. baby is 4 months right now and he still on the computer all day.. he even faked he hurt himself at work so he wouldn;t have to go and stays home playing on that computer all day .. the sad part is that my friend is the one that works and takes care of all the expenses and she leaves the baby with him and he just keeps him in the carseat all day next to him and doesnt play with him or anything just puts the bottle proped on a towel and leaves him there till she comes… WOW !! if i new i would be getting a 32 year old child and a baby all at the same time i would shoot myself!! well anyhow my friend says he”ll change once the baby starts walking .. anyway i guess she”ll put up with everything until she gets tired of it or when her kid tells her he”s tired that his dad dosn;t pay attention to him… Good luck to everyone that is married to a game addict it is as bad as any other addicition .. the bad thing is that this addiction is legal but all the same very self destructive and emotionally devastating ..
Maribel:What a terrible story. Choosing “pretend” over real life responsibilities and love. We’re wondering how many other of our readers have been in a relationship with a gaming addict?