Married moms who feel like single moms? We understand
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Relationships, Single Moms
We welcome our FLASM sisters to Singlemommyhood!
“FLASM” sisters are married women who Feel Like a Single Mom.
(And, of course, our FLASD brothers: married guys who Feel Like a Single Dad are welcome, too.)
One of my dearest friends is a FLASM. When we first met (at the playground, where else?) she quickly confided that she felt like a single mom.
I glanced down at her enormous diamond ring … okay, whatever. Was she kidding?
As our friendship grew, however, I found out that her husband was an undependable emotional presence in their kids’ lives. Although he was physically present every night, that’s as far as he went.
She’d quickly adopted many of my single mom survival strategies despite the obvious fact that she had another adult upon whom to depend. Or did she? Whenever a big or small crisis struck, the burden was always on her.
If my friend’s life story is personally familiar to you … FLASM sister, you are welcome here!
Our economic woes have increased the number of FLASM sisters, too.
Of course, you’ll feel this way when your husband or partner simply isn’t home. Some dads are reluctant “road warriors” who must travel constantly for business. Some couples are living in separate cities unable to find jobs in the same area.
Who can afford to say “no” these days? Any man who works on an oil rig, a remote construction site, or any job far from home leaves behind a FLASM wife. For moms whose partners are police officers or fire fighters FLASM is part of “the job”.
We welcome especially everyone whose “other parent” is serving in the military. Lots of men FLASD while the moms are keeping the rest of us safe. We honor your service. And, recognize the difficulties your commitments create for you and your kids.
Lurking FLASM sisters (and FLSD brothers) . . . please introduce yourselves.
Single moms and dads, please tell us: Can anyone with a partner truly feel like a single parent?
What’s your take on the emotional issues FLASM’s and FLASD’s confront?
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I have been both a single mom, and a married mom feeling like a single mom, and I’m now back to being a single mom. IMHO, it is actually easier to just be single! When you’re actually single, you don’t have the expectation of any possibility that someone might help you out.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
This is funny since my post today addresses my once FLASM status.
As a single mom for the last 7 years and a FLASM for the 12 I was married, I can honsetly say that yes, even when I was married I felt like a single mom. Living with my husband then was an additional burden – when he was home – but now trying to “co-parent” with someone who acts as if we are on opposing sides of a team is a major pain too.
Add step-parents and step kids into the mix and it gets even more complicated. Being a FLASM isn’t so bad.
I was amazed when he director of my daughter’s Sunday School program called me one night to get the name of my divorce lawyer. This couple has three little girls and were always SEEMINGLY happy. Then my girlfriend from high school revealed to me that she hates her husband and they sleep in separate bedrooms. Both of these women complain that they feel very alone in the child rearing and housework, and are actually a bit envious of me and my independence! So now I never judge a book by its cover (or a couple by their coupleship!)
Victoria: I’m delighted you saw me on Strategy Room. Please visit us often.
MindyMom: We always appreciate hearing your perspective – thanks!
LEM: Thanks for sharing those fascinating conversations.
I totally know the FLASM feeling. I was a military wife when my daughter was a baby. My husband was deployed 9 months out of the year and gone most of the other 3 months on minor training exercises.
It is much easier to be a single mom than a FLASM mom for many of the reasons mentioned. I gave up on the hope and expectations of having help…and then when he did come home, he was just one more person to take care of.
Just a shout of support all the FLASM’s and FLASD’s out there. (Gotta love the acronyms) You’re not alone and Singlemommyhood is a good place to find answers (even for Solo-Dad’s)!
“Can anyone with a partner truly feel like a single parent?”
Yes!
I was a single father for all practical purposes the last two years I was married to my children’s mother. To the point that I even came home from a week trip and found the pot of food that I’d cooked the night I left still on the stove growing mold (silly me, I thought my wife might put it up after they finished eating even if she wasn’t going to wash the pot). I did not sleep with her anymore. Just gathered my evidence for year to prove her an unfit mother (just about the only way I could get custody since I was the father).
It wasn’t too bad except when I was away for work and had to rely on my ex to take care of the children. When I was home it was like we just lived in the same house. She had very little to do with the rest of us. I can understand how the women feel when the husband is just there, but not taking an active part in raising the children.
I understand this position entirely. That’s why I have a blog for Married Single Moms. It is a difficult way to live, but there is hope. I would love to have some of you drop by my blog as well. Maybe I can learn from you as well!
M: Thank you sharing that powerful personal story. That moldy pan…what an image. There really are turning points in life and, obviously, that was just that kind of moment for you.
Carla Anne: Welcome! Please do visit us often.
I have mixed feelings on this one. When I was married, I frequently said that I felt like a single mom (my boss actually told people I was a single mom because it was easier than explaining that I was married but still completely alone in taking care of my kids). I was a little bit naive in thinking that when we separated, it really wouldn’t make that much difference in our lives because I was so used to doing everything on my own. I found out I was wrong! Even though Ex was emotionally detached and contributed very little to the family, there was a big difference when he was gone. Some of the differences were good, others not so great.
For instance, a few months into our separation, my four year old got sick in the middle of the night and I needed to go to the drug store for medicine. Now, this should have been a 10-minute excursion…throw a jacket on over my pajamas, jump in the car, drive a mile to the 24-hour pharmacy, run back home and be done with it. Back in the day, I would have given Ex a choice of whether to run to the store for me or wait at home with the kids. He’d have made a royal fuss about it, but it would be done. Being by myself, I had wake both kids up, bundle them up, load them both in their carseats, drive to the store, get them both (crying and cranky) out of their carseats and into the buggy, go inside and get what I needed, load them back into their carseats, drive back home, unload them and get them inside, administer the medicine, then try to get them both back to sleep again. That 10-minute pharmacy run was now an all night ordeal! On the other hand, now that I’m really single (or almost so…hopefully someday I’ll REALLY be single!) I do have one less person to clean up after, I’m free to look for the partner I’ve always wanted, and I at least know what my situation is so I don’t have to deal with the disappointment when the person who is supposed to be my partner doesn’t pull their weight.
I have no problem with “FLASMs” reaching out to single moms because they can sometimes relate better than the June Cleavers of the world. The only time I have a problem with it is when there’s judgment involved. My mother keeps telling me that she knows what I’m going through right now because she didn’t have any help raising us either and that I’m just feeling sorry for myself and blah blah blah. Well, first of all, no one knows what I’m going through right now. I don’t know what anyone else is going through. No one can ever know every detail of another person’s situation. Second, she may not have had much help raising us, but she did have a partner for what it’s worth. She had another income (and no, child support, even when it’s paid, is not the same thing!), she was able to go to the bathroom without an entourage, she had another warm body in the house to divide our attention, she had an extra set of hands to help get the kids and the groceries out of the car, she had someone else to help yell at us when things got out of hand. She also never had to send us away for a weekend with him not knowing what or who we’d be exposed to, whether we were even being fed or not. I’m pretty sure my dad never threatened to call DFACS on my mom and try to get us taken away from her! She never had to make a choice between paying the rent or paying the divorce lawyer. And for all my dad’s faults, they’ve been married for nearly 40 years so there is an assumption that they must love each other at least a little. No matter how little he did around the house, she had someone that she supposedly loved to talk to, touch, etc. So no, she has NO IDEA what it’s like to be a single mom!
OK, in case you can’t tell, I just got off the phone from one of those conversations with Mom this morning. Sorry for that. Bottom line is, if you feel like you can relate more to single parents than married ones, by all means, jump right in and we’ll welcome you with open arms. Just don’t pretend that you know more about my situation than I do. And if you’re thinking of leaving a dead marriage, consider your options carefully. Before I left, I lurked in a lot of single parent discussion forums and read a lot of articles written by single parents. Still, like I said, I naively thought that I knew what I was getting into. Being totally single is different from being married and alone…but there are good differences and bad differences. As hard as life is right now, I’d take my current situation over my past life any day of the week. You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to that marriage. I won’t go so far as some others have and say this is easier though.
I felt like a single mom all through my marriage because my husband worked 6 days a week and contributed very little to the household. So I was left to do everything and spent every day with my daughter, happily. When we finally divorced, the hardest part was that he actually wanted visitation time with her. Although he doesn’t see her much (only one evening a week), it has been the most painful part of this horrible process. It’s like he rips her out of my heart on that night. I haven’t yet learned how to live with that lonliness of being without her. None of the “fun stuff” I do on that “evening off” is nearly as fulfilling as being with her. I definitely wouldn’t go back to the marriage but learning to live with this new lifestyle is so hard.
Victoria –
I could not have said it better myself.
In some ways it’s easier, in some ways it’s harder, but it’s definitely comparable, being a single mom, and being a flasm. My son’s dad has basically checked out of his life, seeing him only every other holiday, so our lives have improved, never having to depend on someone so undependable. Yes, I have to do everything now, but at least I know it’s being done right!
I was a FLASM. My husband worked out of town (even in town, he wasn’t really present)all of the time. My other mom friends didn’t even meet him! I would go to parties alone and handled the parenting of a terribly colicky baby all alone. That is why it was easier on me when I did transition to single parenthood (we divorced over 3 years ago). And it was probably easier for him, too, given that he hadn’t spent much time with us anyway. Being a FLASM can be even harder than being a single mom. After all, the dad thinks he has a say in things, but he doesn’t really deserve it. And you are suppose to be a loving wife to a man who isn’t really present. No thank you. I’d rather be a single mom!
peachofatl’s last blog post..Embrace the Loneliness
Twitter @ aprilabtbalance
I echo what MindyMom said.
April’s last blog post..X Chronicles continued
I have been both a FLASM and a single mom. I am the single mom now. I was a FLASM for the first 2 1/2 yrs of my oldest daughters life. I left him at 4 months preg with my 2nd. It was hard. He was never home. If he was, he never did anything. He spent MAYBE 5 mins with our daughter a day. Never took her anywhere. Never spent family time. All in all, thats one of the many reasons he is now the ex and I am the single mom.
Finally, there’s a label for women who FLASM! Hurray!
My husband is self-employed and has to travel a ton. His peak months are April-June and September-October. I resent it when he’s a way and I resent it when he is home. It’s hard to find a balance of the constant rubber band feeling of coming and going.
Recently, I finally have come to the realization that I cannot depend on him for anything. That has helped life the burden of any of my expections on him. Sadly, however, it also makes me feel detached. On top of it I take care of our two young children.
Is there ever a way to help with the constant balancing act?
I can totally relate to the feeling of being a single mom while married. My husband and I both work full-time jobs and then he decided after our first was born that he wanted to start a business. Now I am raising two kids 5 & 3 years old pretty much by myself. I still work full-time and he is working full-time and part-time in the workshop. I feel like I have no control over my life or kids. He is with us most every night physically, but not mentally. He never plays with the kids only jumps in too discipline. I feel my kids think “daddy is always upset with me” because when he is in the house they fight for his attention and he fights them for mine. We have been married for 12 years and I like to think we can work this out, but I don’t know if I have the energy anymore. I just want to only have to worry about myself and the kids. I have already detached myself from him emotionally because I couldn’t take the pain of feeling abandoned. I also pitch in on doing yard work, house maintenance, etc. I am realizing this all is to much to handle even if I was supermom. I just want a normal life and to go places together as a family and be happy. Our house if filled with tension everyday because we are both busy. Anybody have any suggestions?
Hello FLASMs and FLASDs…I am now accepting that I myself am a FLASM. I wish I had a great story to tell like my husband travels a lot or he is in the military or something heroic, but I don’t. My husband just doesn’t want to be a true parent. He loves our son…after I’ve fed him, bathed him, clothed him and done everything else to manage his well-being. Since he was born almost 16 months ago my husband has fed him less than 10 times and has bathed him less than 5 times. It’s funny to me that before we married my husband indicated his extreme excitement to have children with me. He has a son from a previous relationsihp and rarely sees him…I suppose I expected that he would want to participate in so much more with our children. Like other moms here I also manage everything else in the household – I change the air filters, wash the cars, make the bed EVERY day. It’s like my identity is solely as housekeeper and child caretaker. I’ve considered divorce but know how hard that can be on kids and I hate to tear up our family. I suppose I’m just at a point where I’ve realized that I am making a big sacrifice for my children and will have to give up a number of years of my own happiness. Perhaps I will reconsider divorce later on when our kids are older, unless things really disintegrate – that’s not good for kids, either. In the meantime, I’m grateful to hear that I’m not alone, although I wish that none of us were in this situation.
I’ve realized for a long time that I am a FLASM. My husband says he loves me, but never asks me on a date or finds time to spend with me. He will, but only if I ask. While he does this and that around the house I can’t depend on him doing anything in particular. I do the home repairs, auto repairs, laundry, cleaning, shopping, cooking, homework help, counseling etc. Most of the time I feel lonely. He never wants to hear about my problems. So sad.
I feel like a married single mom, too. My husband is gone for days, weeks and months at a time. Currently he’s been gone for 2 months. He’s a crane mechanic and gets sent all over the country. I feel like I’m raising my kids by myself, trying to be mommy and daddy. And when my husband is home, he usually has to work the weekends, in addition to working all week, so we don’t get to do anything as a family on those weekends. Even if I got a second job (in addition to being a SAHM), which we don’t really need as we’re doing fine financially, his workload would stay the same. So that’s not a solution unfortunately. I’m tired of parenting alone and sleeping alone. I want much more from my husband than financial security. I want time with him. Much more than I’m getting.
This kind of lifestyle can ruin a marriage. When you feel like you take on the burden raising of children by yourself the resentment sets in and spills out into the marriage. I have a husband who travels A LOT. He comes home and has the nerve to call me lazy! It has gotten to the point that I don’t even speak to him. We sleep in different bedrooms. Why do I want to engage in a conversation when all I get is critized? But I am no pusher over. Sorry our life is what it is. But one does not get the benefit of going golfing the very next day when you have been traveling all week. I won’t have someone dumping everything on me ..who wants the compassion of his hard work when the same isn’t given to me. I have 3 year children. It also is sad for the children. He is tired from traveling and doesn’t even act like he enjoys his family and children. Sure he goes through the motion of trying to chip in. But it isn’t a sincere effort. You can see it on his face that he is stressed and that takes away the precious enjoyment you should feel when you haven’t seen your children all week. You become impatient with the kids and quick to temper. Something needs to give. It isn’t how a family is suppose to work. I get to complain because I didn’t sign up for this life. This traveling mess wasn’t going on when I agreed to enter into marriage and bring children into this marriage. I guess I suck it up and just figure for better for worse. Doesn’t look so pretty in our house.
S: Thanks for adding to our conversation. Your situation sounds difficult to say the least. We hope you visit us often. You’re welcome here!
It’s nice to know that I am not alone with being a FLASM. I work full time and my husband recently started a new job that requires him to work long hours. Our son is 14 months and my husband has never given him a bath, has never made him a lunch for daycare and only once has he ever taken him to daycare. Since my husband works long hours, he’s not around to help feed the baby in the morning nor is he around in the evening for dinner. My husband is very selfish, for example, I remember when I had a stomach flu when the baby was 4 months old and asked my husband to watch the baby for a moment while I went to the bathroom to throw up and you know he had the nerve to tell me that he was busy at the moment b/c he was on a conference call….. He has never woken up early on a Saturday or Sunday to take care of the baby so that I can sleep in for once. He sits his lazy behind on the sofa while I put the baby to bed, clean the kitchen, do the dishes…..I don’t sit down until sometimes 10pm. He tells me that he doesn’t need to help clean b/c he doesn’t make the mess. He says that he puts all of his things away so he doesn’t need to assist with the househild chores. He tells me that I am slob when it comes to keeping the house together which is not true. He has never cleaned a bathroom nor scrubbed the kitchen floor EVER…..He does adore our son but when our son is good. He doesn’t really have the patience otherwise. If I get the chance to go out, he will call to tell me that the baby is crying. So, I will say, “did you make up a bottle for him?? And of course he will say ,”no.” If I have to run an errand on the weekend and it’s up to my husband to make our son lunch, he will tell me that our son wasn’t hungry which means he didn’t give him food. I don’t have any family closeby and I feel so Alone….. The only happy thing in my life is my son…. I am so sad today.
Coco…
I believe my husband understood MY LIFE at home when I went for a girls trip on the weekend. People and even husbands assume that just because you are home you must have all the time in the world to do it all. When your focus shifts to the children some things must fall to the side. In the big scheme of life does it really matter that the house is slightly unorganized/messy or the laundry isn’t done. As if the freakin president is coming over for dinner every nigth? Your son is at an age where ALL of his needs depend on YOU. And by the time you are done I am sure you are exhausted. Take a trip for yourself or go away for the day. Do not feel alone. You are not alone. What is more important is that your child is getting 100 percent of your love and attention. What is really sad is this is the exact reason women do not want to stay home and raise their own children. They would rather work and put their children in daycare then deal with a man who has them on some type of job performance everyday of their life where they can’t even enjoy their own child. And I can’t blame a woman for that.
I lived in a different state where I knew no one. I got on meetup.com joined a mom’s group where we got together for playdates and often times we went out for girls night. I encourage you to do the same. You will resent your husband if you haven’t already. You can e-mail me if you need support suepdavis@yahoo.com.
Hi ladies,
I see it’s been a while since anyones wrote here. But i’ve been reading all your experiences and it nice to not feel alone. My husband is a good person, but he’s addicted to World of Warcraft (computer game), and just doesn’t seem interested in his family and home. Our little boy is only 4 months old, so I keep hoping he just doesn’t know what he’s suppose to do. But I feel like I have to prepare to raise this kid on my own, like he might be there for the good times, but he’s not going to really participate otherwise.
Like ok you are all mothers so you know with a new baby it’s harder to get to housework right? So if I ask him to do something around the house he grumbles that he will, then 4 days go by and he doesn’t do it, so I just do it. If I ask him to hold his kid so I can do some cleaning, again he will sorta grudgingly, but he’ll follow me around so as soon as I can, he can give the baby back. Or if I give him the baby which I use the bathroom (it’s nice to go alone once and a while lol) he’ll pace outside the door!
Now I’d understand more if he had a tough heavy lifting type job, you know coming home totally exhausted, but he totally doesn’t. So to me it’s not unreasonable for him to help out a bit.
But I don’t want to be his mom, and I sorta figure, if I ask him and he doesn’t do it, then obviously he doesn’t want to be apart of this family. I don’t want to force him, cause to me again i feel sorta guilty that he’s so miserable participating. Which I know is sorta silly, but I just think if I have to make him then he’s not doing it cause he cares. Again I ask him, but I won’t nag.
I think the worst thing so far was after the big christmas running around. We were at home, and he asked (this happens rarely) how our (baby and my) last night was, I told him neither of us slept super great. I said i was very tired and could probably sleep for a week. (he sleeps like the dead and doesn’t hear anything at night)
So he goes plays computer for a bit (while I’m trying to stay awake, entertaining the baby), then he lays down and has a 4 hour nap, like right there beside me! Now I know and I do try to lay down with the baby, but 45mins here and there suck, especially when your that tired, and you don’t sleep as well with your baby as you do on your own, knowing someone is taking care of your baby, you just don’t relax as much cause you are so aware of your kid there whom you have to watch over. Most people would have offered to let me sleep a bit without the baby, but nope he just had himself a nap.
So I feel like it’s been getting worse and worse, then suddenly today he came home and actually sat on the floor with his son for tummy time for like 10 minutes. And even held him voluntarily for another 10. And when I asked why, he was like “cause I need to do it more.” So I don’t know if that’s going to last, or if he could tell I was getting to the end of my rope and was ready to flip out, so he’s “pre-calming” me? It’s so frustrating, cause I mean it would be great if he suddenly decided to change. But this whole thing could even be about sex! Cause though he doesn’t pressure, whenever he wants it, that day he’ll be helpful, do dishes, hold baby, compliments. And then whether or not he gets it, the next day will just go back to normal. So I guess we’ll see.
Maybe I’m overreactting? I don’t know, I just know I feel lonely, and like I can’t catch up to housework or wanting to workout or anything. I’d love some insight or opinions! Thanks for letting me vent, sorry for the novel everyone!
Kmday: You’re always welcome to vent here. Sounds like a difficult situation. Please try to take good care of you. If working out just seems like more than you can do, take a brisk walk …do things that feed your soul. Housework never ends. And, of course, keep us posted. We care about you.
So there is an acronym for this bag of feelings I’ve been living with. It’s kindof funny to see it written out so simply. “feel like I’m parenting alone” is what I googled to get here. I’ve also researched workaholic partner, distant baby daddy. And cruised through all the “I divorced my partner because of World of Warcraft.”
My heart goes out to kmday… Having a 4m old baby is reason enough to vent.
I was alone for a few hours after my cesarean when my 10m old arrived. My partner went back to work about 6 hours after the birth. Didn’t come back until the next day, leaving me alone to try to figure out why my daughter was in ICU and to muddle through hospital red tape of being allowed access to her, to get a blanket for my bed, and a pump so I could try to start breastfeeding. I was in so much pain and confusion, with no family – utterly overwhelmed by everything that had happened and how much there was suddenly to do. I had this clarion moment that made me realize this child was my responsibility and NO one was going to take her on the way I had to. I realized at that same moment that my own childhood had ended forever. No one was going to take care of me anymore. I had, in effect, ceased to be. It was a scary and lonely moment, one that made me want to have my child in my arms more than ever – but alone in my hospital room, literally strapped down to my bed with catheters and tubes and possibly the world’s bitchiest nurses, I was stuck.
It was a foreshadowing for the months ahead. My partner and I have talked, and talked, to no avail about communication, planning date nights, increasing intimacy… He just drifts further away. He seems crazy about our daughter, but his version of “taking care” of her is sitting near her while she plays on the floor, while he’s immersed in World of Warcraft, or the endless stream of emails that come in 24 hours a day, 7 days a week related to work.
I feel a little relieved to know that other women feel similarly alone. Though I worry that this isolation and relegation is some basic, dark, unspoken element of motherhood. At present though, I feel angry and resentful, as I’m home alone on a Friday night – third time this week, while my “partner” is out, enjoying himself.
I do try to keep myself fulfilled, but I know I can never abandon myself to my SELF the way he does, now that I have a child.
I read once about studies they did on ducks sleeping in a row. The ducks in the middle of the line (with a duck sitting on either side) showed brain activity during sleep that mean they were sleeping deeply and restfully. The ducks who were on either end of the line – with one side exposed to the world had more active brains on the exposed side. Since I became a mother, I feel like one of those unrestful ducks: always on the alert. That’s one of the things that makes Post Traumatic Stress Disorder so difficult – the feeling of constant vigilance. I’m getting philosophical here, but are women “wired” to be more vigilant, more caring, and therefore more stretched, tired, stressed and isolated?
For the moment, anyway, I could care less about how I am wired. I wish he was the one at home, alone, at loose ends, a little sad and looking forward to seeing me, while I was out enjoying a raucous beer with friends.
Emily: Thank you so much for sharing all of this with us. We hope that there’s a small bit of comfort knowing that you are not alone. Please consider us your soft place to land as you figure out the next steps in your life. You are ABSOLUTELY welcome here. Please visit often. ((HUG))
I wrote a few months ago about how my husband doesn’t help with anything and it has gotten worse, if that is possible. He does absolutely nothing with our 18 month old son. Now, our son wants nothing to do with him. If my husband tries to hold him, our son will wiggle away from him so that I can hold him. All our baby wants is me. If my husband tries to be affectionate with him, our son will push him away or try to pinch his face or stratch him. I try to tell my husband that he needs to spend more quality time with him, but it just doesn’t sink in. I am the one that does everything from the time our son gets up until he goes to bed. I am almost thankful that I work full time because that is the only time that I have to myself.
On the weekends, I get up with the baby at 7:30AM, play with him until naptime, then try to get the house cleaned because I can’t find time to do everything during the week and then play with him until bedtime. All this time on the weekends, my husband will sleep in til 10AM- his excuse is that I went to bed two hours before him the night before so we are sleeping the exact amount of time. Once my husband gets up on the weekend, he parks himself in front of the TV and stays there all day. Never once doing anything to help me or the baby. Yesterday, my husband woke up late and took an afternoon nap while I scrubbed the floor, did dishes, laundry, cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner. I just don’t understand how he can be so lazy. So, this morning, the baby was sleeping in our bed so peacefully and my husband looks at the baby and says that the baby only loves him when he is sleeping. So, I tell him that he needs to spend more time with him. Then my husband goes on to say how he hates his job and how his job prevents him from spending time with the baby. He says that he wants to quit his job and stay home. That wasn’t an option for me after our son was born so what gives him the right to think that he can stay home when he does nothing as is. When I go out and see happy families and doting husbands and fathers, I just think that I made such a mistake by marrying this man. Like I have said before, the only positive thing in my life is my son.
I’m at the point now where I don’t say anything because it will just lead to an argument and I don’t want our son to see that. Will I ever be happy?
Twitter @ http://www.ewokmama.com
This is partly why I got a divorce. I was in charge of the household and the kid when I was married and my husband never took initiative. After years and years of trying to get him to do his part through therapy and other methods, I had to give up. The worst was when I would take my son out of town for a weekend and come back to a house that was even dirtier than when I left. When I spoke to him about it and he refused to even acknowledge how much I took care of him, that was it.
I hadn’t even planned on trying out another relationship, but my now-fiance has shown me that I absolutely made the right decision. I no longer break myself to take care of every part of our lives while my partner develops excuses for why he can’t help. My ex-husband met another women who is willing to take care of him, further proving that he was not willing to grow up.
Ewokmama´s last blog ..Stick and Carrot
Twitter @ Hayley_DM
Just wrote a short blog on this very same subject!
Hayley´s last blog ..Married Mums Who Feel Like Single Mums
I guess I have some issues that are a little similar and a little different than others. I am in my second marriage. My children live with me and my new husband. Their father is still involved with them every other weekend, but during the week and every other weekend, the parenting falls on me and my new husband. Well, atleast that’s the way it is supposed to be. I love my husband. And he claims to love me and the the kids. He doesn’t have any kids of his own. But, when it comes to my kids, it is completely up to me. If they need something, are sick, out of school, etc…it is up to me to take off of work to deal with the situation. It is my responsibility to get up with them every morning to get them on the bus. And my responsibility to get them from after school care every day. We both work full time. He usually gets home before I do. I usually have afternoon meetings and sometimes they run over. I usually am busting my rear end trying to make it home to get the kids. If I ask for help, he throws a fit. I just found out today that I got a new job. It is going to require me to leave town for training for the first week. He refuses to watch the kids while I am away. He said that they will have to go stay with their dad, even though it means they will have to miss school. I just want to cry. It frustrates me beyond belief that he acts this way. I just don’t understand why. I married him so that I could have a partner in life, not so that I could continue to be a single parent..
Holly:We’re sorry for your troubles. It sounds like instead of partner …someone to ease your burdens … marriage has brought an additional heavier burden to your life. You’re very welcome here. Please keep in touch with us. Rachel and I care what happens to you and your kids.