Are you sleeping on “their” sheets?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Dating, Sex, Single Parents
Has this ever happened to any of you?
You’ve had another fun, fabulous date — filled with great conversation, laughter, and sexual chemistry — and he invites you to his place. For the first time.
The timing is perfect: your kids are at your ex’s for the night — and his daughter is at a slumber party!
You don’t waste any time once you get inside his condo. He’s holding your hand, and you head straight for his bedroom.
When you step inside, he turns on the lamp, and there it is: a lavender duvet with pearl-colored ruffled pillows. Then he pulls the comforter back, and you spot the dainty flowered sheets.
No doubt about it: this man did not purchase such feminine “bedwear.” He ex picked these out… and you feel like you just stepped into their old life. You’re sleeping in “their” bed.
We all have a past but, jeesh! It’s challenging enough to start dating again as a single parent — and now you’ve got to will away thoughts of his past. In short, you’re trying to get your groove on in a marriage museum.
Surely, his ex has moved on to something silkier and sexier. She’s obviously been on a successful campaign to banish her ex-cooties.
And where does that leave you?
Of course, you understand the situation. Who wouldn’t want to run out and purchase a brand new bedroom set, duvet, and 800 thread count sheets post-divorce? But for most guys in this economy, that kind of cash is going toward the mortgage, car payments, and child support. His priorities are obviously in the right place — responsibilities first – but you can’t help but wonder.
Do his thoughts wander back to “her” as you make love on the same sheets they once shared?
Has this ever happened to you?…. Or, has your date slept on the same sheets where you and your ex once got frisky?….
Thank you to Yummy Mammy for inspiring this post .
|
Ultimate go-to guide for single mothers. The Complete Single Mother is the only comprehensive and best selling self help book ever written for single parents. It’s packed with savvy advice, sisterly comfort, as well as reassuring answers to all your single mom challenges. |
|
Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
Related posts:
- Are pictures of your ex’s family clutter? We’ve gone one the record about clutter. We proclaimed that clutter is the enemy of great sex. (Actually, clutter seems...
- Divorce cakes? When I first read about this new trend of women celebrating their divorces — with cakes! — I thought the...
Follow Singlemommyhood on Twitter
WOW! Never thought my ex and his new Mrs living in my ex-house with all my ex-household belongings (bed, sheets and tea cups included) would inspire anyone. But yes, this is what happens over at my exes house. You could walk in the door and think I still live there, yet I haven’t for years now! I don’t know how his new girlfriend does it because I certainly couldn’t. Time to go shopping my I think.
Yummy Mammy’s last blog post..Yummy Mammy: The Movie
Twitter @ http://www.ptlawmom.com
Ha. I had this same thought recently when I saw my ex-husband’s new girlfriend laying on the couch where we made love so many times. I could care less but I would if I were her. I think one-time sex is one thing but I would probably encourage a new set of sheets and perhaps a duvet cover (IKEA has inexpensive ones) to my new beau. And men should really think about this… How would they feel?
PT-LawMom’s last blog post..A Name…
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
I’ve never had it happen but in the moment I probably would not care much about his bedding. As the relationship progressed and I spent more time at his place I would probably suggest a change – if in fact the sheets were like what you described.
I have the same bed as I did when I was married – same duvet too. I really don’t think the men I’ve been with have noticed or cared at all.
MindyMom’s last blog post..Mothers, Fathers & Our Kid’s Self-Esteem
I don’t think it really matters. I mean, if he’s living in the past, the sheets are the least of your worries.
Although, with sheets like you described, maybe you should worry anyway.
I have chocolate brown cotton knit sheets (tshirt material)currently. They rock.
Twitter @ Singlemommyhood
Yummy Mammy: Yes, you did inspire us! Thanks so much.
PT-LawMom: I’ve seen some pretty determined couples maneuvering around IKEA. Likely, one or both had “enough” and were shopping for a bedroom make-over.
Bill: What’s up with guys and brown sheets? Every man I know loves them.
Dr. Leah’s last blog post..Are you sleeping on “their” sheets?
Doc, we have to get in touch with our earthy-tone side somehow, right?
Actually dark brown is NOT a great color for bed sheets…
I might have to switch up for the spring/summer as the knit is fairly warm.
Any suggestions?
Bill: Earth tones, of course! How about 100% white cotton sheets for summer?
I dig white, but then we get accused of being plain and boring. “Add some color to your life”, they say!
Now you’ve got me thinking about redesigning the bedroom. Thanks Doc!
Acually, I’ve got a metal bed on the drawing board, that hopefully will get welded up in the next few weeks. White will look just fine with it. Thanks!
I got a new mattress, sheets underwear, nightwear asap.
In the scenario above there would be too many factors to say what I would have done…my mood (horniness), my true feelings for this guy, his overall attitude,
I certainly would have mentioned them…”so a guy who likes flowered sheets” or “who bought theses sheets for you” or better yet, “your sheets are more femme than mine. I have bright red t-shirt ones.”
Wow, I don’t think this is a big deal at all (I mean, assuming he’s washed them since the split). There is a difference between living in the past and being the kind of person who does not run out and buy all new furniture and sheets and dinnerware because they are divorced.
Chances are, as a man, he probably didn’t even pay attention to what was on the bed… that was just there so he sleeps in it. Most men don’t think deeply about home decorating.
My boyfriend of 2 years only had one set of sheets for six years. Laundry day would get them clean and put back on. I know he had other girlfriends… so what? I’m here and they aren’t!
Back when my husband left, I painted the bedroom, rearranged and bought new sheets (I also found a ton of hidden porn and receipts for things I didn’t know he was spending money on… but I digress). I did it because I hated his guts and I wanted MY bedroom to be the way I wanted it. No input from him.
When he saw that I had bought new sheets (one day when he came to pick the kids up) he asked me for our old ones. And yes, his girlfriend slept on them.
mykidsmomx4’s last blog post..A Prayer Answered
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
What a great anecdote MyKidsMomx4!! You’ve got a great point there: most guys probably don’t put much thought into their sheets and what might have happened on them…. They’re just sheets, and I imagine that most guys are more focused on what might happen NEXT on them?
Yes, men?
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
Judy: You crack me up!!…. “Your sheets are more femme than mine. I have bright red t-shirt ones”
Twitter @ http://goingsaneinacrazyworld.blogspot.com/
I exorcised my ex out of the place pretty fast. I didn’t have much money like you said, but the bed sheets weren’t high on my list since they were pretty neutral colors. However the pink set in the bathroom was gone very quickly.
Mike’s last blog post..Now That’s a First
Twitter @ Singlemomindebt
I have to say that has not happened (yet)…. dont know if it was ever conscience or if they just never had the dainty sheet set that they needed to worry about….
Single Mom In Debt’s last blog post..Supplement Your Income
Twitter @ tailgatingtimes
I took as little as I could when I moved. I did buy all new stuff. 600 thread count gold sheets. I also bought a deep red and gold comforter that I knew I wanted as soon as I saw it. I even spent a lot of time trying to find a less expensive one before getting it.
The funny thing is that even though I tried to do everything with my own style the first time my mother saw my apartment she asked why it looked so much like my old place. I guess the big differences to me are more subtle to others. She hasn’t changed the house all that much either.
Most guys probably don’t think much about sheets and furniture at a woman’s house. Pictures of the ex are a different story.
Twitter @ http://www.singleparenttravel.net
When I divorced I banished all doilies, repainted the house from the neutral colors to more manly colors so it was not an issue (that I am aware of), but if I sleep at a girl’s house, the thought just does not cross my mind at all.
As I read in Maxim, when a guy and a girl are about to get busy, there are only two words on a guy’s mind — “naked boobs”.
John F’s last blog post..A Born Again American
Twitter @ iswirls
I have a closet full of linen that was purchased by a ex or a female friend that has never been used. I would never guessed that it would bother a date.
Eathan’s last blog post..Same Circus, Different Clowns Pt 1
Ok, I guess it’s just a guy thing. Or perhaps it’s just me. I don’t worry about sheets. I don’t ask her if her sheets have been chrissened with her previous. She apparently didn’t worry about the history of my sheets, although 3 of my 4 sets of sheets and my covers were purchased after the ex left. I liked a higher thread count (1,000 is good). But if you think about it your kissing and making out with a man who is likely wearing clothing he wore with his ex (we don’t normally get all new clothes or throw out our old underwear).
I guess I’m lucking that my ex’s furniture and decorations went with her, so my home is a bit masculine at the moment. Ready for the new woman’s touch.
Ok…lucky (don’t think “lucking” is a word)
)
WOW…I’m 19, and I had sex for the first time last year, with a boy I’ve known for about 10 years…and we did the dirty deed in his apartment, his room…on the same sheets that he and his ex (one of my old schoolmates) used to sleep together on for years. I found this out because when we were done, he immediately starts talking about how his ex got these sheets, and comparing she and I.
How rude is that?
Buy a new comforter set, new sheets and flip the mattress, that it. 1000 count sheets or 300, you can’t tell the difference, it’s all in your head and if you don’t believe me, try them both. Just because your ex is out doesnt mean tossing a 3k mattress like in my case, will be a path of new begining, blah blah blah. Turn the place into a bachelors pad and get some! Don’t dwell on the past and start talking about how u and your ex bought this and that. Throw the ex’s crap out, spend some money or enjoy the free space.