Help! Our kids don’t get along

A single mom with a toddler son recently contacted us for advice about this dating dilemma.

“I met this wonderful single dad a few months ago at a family event sponsored by the food bank for which we both volunteer. We’re now dating exclusively. And we’re very happy, except for this one issue:

Both of our boys are almost three. Go ahead and laugh at us for imagining that they’d be friends. They knock each other over, occasionally hit each other, and sometimes bite.  Forget sharing. The meltdowns are wicked.

In the meantime, I read other parents’ blogs, photos of their toddlers captioned “best friends.” Something has got to be wrong.

I’m wondering if we should take a step back and reconsider our relationship?

After all, if the kids don’t get along, this might a signal about the future of our relationship, right?”

~~~

Absolutely wrong!

First, toddlers and meltdowns are typical. I remember my own toddler daughter at play group. At best, the kids played next to each other. Sharing? Ha. I’ll never forget a preschool teacher explaining to me that it’s all about “taking turns.” Toddlers don’t really have the ability to share.

Of course, I chatted with Dr. Leah about this dating dilemma.

As I expected, she clarified a couple of things. (It’s a comfort to have a real psychologist to ask, don’t you agree?)Here’s what she said:There are stages that kids go through stages in play, just like stages in motor development. Toddlers often play independently when they are next to other kids. This is called “parallel play”.

Meltdowns, of course, are the hallmark of toddlers.

“Best friends”? Maybe that’s what you’re hoping. The holding hands and kissing pictures? Cute, but this was most likely a sweet moment caught in an instant.

Here’s what you need to remember, according to The Sanity Fairy: this is the perfect opportunity for both of you to see how your parenting styles mesh. You will learn a lot about how you parent when your toddler melts down, or when toilet training just isn’t working.

We’re wondering if you’ve ever had a relationship stumble because your kids did not get along — or because your parenting styles radically clashed?

We’d love to hear your experiences.

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