Help! Our kids don’t get along
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under Dating, Kids, Single Moms, Tips & Advice
A single mom with a toddler son recently contacted us for advice about this dating dilemma.
“I met this wonderful single dad a few months ago at a family event sponsored by the food bank for which we both volunteer. We’re now dating exclusively. And we’re very happy, except for this one issue:
Both of our boys are almost three. Go ahead and laugh at us for imagining that they’d be friends. They knock each other over, occasionally hit each other, and sometimes bite. Forget sharing. The meltdowns are wicked.
In the meantime, I read other parents’ blogs, photos of their toddlers captioned “best friends.” Something has got to be wrong.
I’m wondering if we should take a step back and reconsider our relationship?
After all, if the kids don’t get along, this might a signal about the future of our relationship, right?”
~~~
Absolutely wrong!
First, toddlers and meltdowns are typical. I remember my own toddler daughter at play group. At best, the kids played next to each other. Sharing? Ha. I’ll never forget a preschool teacher explaining to me that it’s all about “taking turns.” Toddlers don’t really have the ability to share.
Of course, I chatted with Dr. Leah about this dating dilemma.
As I expected, she clarified a couple of things. (It’s a comfort to have a real psychologist to ask, don’t you agree?)Here’s what she said:There are stages that kids go through stages in play, just like stages in motor development. Toddlers often play independently when they are next to other kids. This is called “parallel play”.
Meltdowns, of course, are the hallmark of toddlers.
“Best friends”? Maybe that’s what you’re hoping. The holding hands and kissing pictures? Cute, but this was most likely a sweet moment caught in an instant.
Here’s what you need to remember, according to The Sanity Fairy: this is the perfect opportunity for both of you to see how your parenting styles mesh. You will learn a lot about how you parent when your toddler melts down, or when toilet training just isn’t working.
We’re wondering if you’ve ever had a relationship stumble because your kids did not get along — or because your parenting styles radically clashed?
We’d love to hear your experiences.
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I haven’t had to deal with this at the toddler stage.
I just know that I’m more hesitant to introduce any new guy to my daughter because you never what is going to come out of a teenager’s mouth. If I bring him home when she is in one of her “the world hates me” moods, I don’t think he’d ever come back!
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
I don’t think the kids not getting along is as big of an issue as different parenting styles. If your styles are similar then working out the kinks between the kids will be much easier. If not it could be a source of contention for everyone.
MindyMom’s last blog post..Me: The Common Denominator
I recently met a wonderful woman, who we both have toddlers near 3 years old. Supposedly, at daycare, my son is sharing and well behaved. And also, her daughter never whines elsewhere. But when they are together, he “takes” all her toys, she whines and usually he is the one in trouble. I’m not fond of punishing my son for things I don’t see, it can be hard to catch kids in the act. I also don’t want to go by the word of another 2 year old child. In my opinion she tends to whine a little more than most kids, a tattle tale over anything minuscule. If you put a toy down, another kid will pick it up. It seems the golden rule to me. But on the other hand, I don’t want bad deeds to go unnoticed. This has put a strain on our relationship, and I fear it may end our engagement. Is there any hope for this situation? Besides cameras and secret service?
@Willie This relationship dilemma will take care of itself. This is classic two/three year old behavior. And, at this age, kids are not reliable informants. Just try to make the best of the situation …separate the kids, if necessary. Four year olds are a whole different ball game. Thanks so much for joining the conversation. Keep us posted on how things are going.
Hello, I have been dating a man for nearly a year. He is a few years older than me. He’s divorced with 3 children: 16, 10, and 8.
I am also divorced with two children: ages 13 and 5. Everything goes well except when our sons – whoa re 5 and 10 — get around each other. The 10 year old teases the 5 year old then back and forth, they exchange dirty looks, and probably enjoy seeing each other get in trouble. There’s name calling, too, mainly from his son.
His father does very little to correct the matter other than a few words due to his ex wife(his son runs and tells her his dad is being mean) behavior. I’m ready to just drop it all and walk away,I strongly think the 10 year old should act more mature but his dad says I shouldn’t excuse my 5 year old cause he is old enough to know better. The boys used to get along pretty fair till the ex wife started adding things in like my 5 year old was beating her son up. Just ridiculous things. She even went as far to threaten my son. Any advice would be great, its really hard when I can only parent my children. No co-parenting allowed.:(
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommyhood.com
@Sarah: Thank you so much for your honest, open comment. We know this resonates with many parents here. We’ll get back to you soon with some ideas.