Are you less datable if you have more than one kid?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Dating, Single Moms
Some of you might have read the thoughtful piece on single moms by choice in yesterday’s New York Times Magazine.
We loved reading about the ways these single mom families intertwined: how they cooperated and took care of one another in ways that typically define “family.”
Of course, we were most interested in how these single moms managed — or did not manage — their romantic and sexual relationships.
We loved this quote (you read it first right here) from a single mom who has opted out of dating for right now. “To be honest, if I wanted to be looking, I’d have to dress differently. I go out with my kids in the morning in sweatpants and a T-shirt and with my hair up.”
Here’s what we found intriguing:
Many single moms by choice are opting to conceive or adopt a second child. The result, however, is that many of these single moms by choice find that raising two children takes them out of the dating scene. They’re not just taking a break during the toddler years, either.
These “two kid” moms report they lack both the energy and the opportunity to meet men. We certainly recognize that more kids=more work, but we never considered that having more than one child was a dating dilemma.
We’d love to know your thoughts on this one:
Does having more than one kid make you less datable?
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Twitter @ http://www.cathouseteri.blogspot.com
Even when I was a stay-at-home mom for 18 years, I didn’t wear sweatpants. I got up every day and dressed as if I were going somewhere, because I was! My own life! When I came down the stairs, my kids would ooooo and ahhh ~ just like I was Cinderella.
Anyway, I am sure that the more children you have, the less likely you are to have time for dating. Just ask people who are married. They don’t even have time to date one another!
Seems to me, though, that a person who is a single mom by choice (as opposed to … I dunno … single moms by victimization?) have made a conscious decision to put having and raising children above their desire for a partner.
Twitter @ http://www.singlemommindy.blogspot.com
I’m a single mom of four ranging in ages 17-3. I’m sure there are men that would not consider dating me, but there are also men that I have dated that wanted to date ME for me and how many kids I have is a part of who I am. I have not had a problem finding men that want to date me.
Like your other reader, when I leave the house I am put together. I take care of myself and I take care of my kids. Sure they keep me busy but they are not my whole life. I am a woman too and in order to be a good mom I have to nurture that part of myself as well.
Being a mom with many kids is only limiting if you let it be.
Twitter @ http://goingsaneinacrazyworld.blogspot.com/
Not at all. I’ve dated women with zero to three kids. For me it’s the ages, not the number. I won’t date a woman with kids younger than my son. I always want to be moving forward ot backwards.
I’d have to say MindyMom has it right. I’m not a mom, but as a custodial father of three I haven’t found any problems getting dates. Sometimes I think my raising three children alone as worked to my favor in dating.
Catty Granny Terri: Gee, I always said single mom by chance, but for so many by victimization unfortunately fits.
MindyMom: Totally agree. Most things in life are limiting, if you make that choice.
M and Mike: Thanks for the single dad perspective. Always appreciated.
Twitter @ http://runningleap.wordpress.com
Goodness, I hope I’m not so much less date-able because I have two kids.
I think I would be easier to date (and less intimidating to men) if I was a mom of one. But I guess it helps weed out the guys who can’t hack it!
I have two kids, and I’ve found it’s not the number of kids I have, but whether I have kids or not that is a determining factor in whether a woman wants to date me.
I love it. Being a mother I don’t have the time I use to. I think of the kid thing as weeding out the weak when it comes to dating. It does in two seconds what use to take weeks. You just have to look at it in a different light sometimes.
Just for the record although I only have one and I still go out in sweats with my hair in a bun and flipflops.
I do “clean up nice” (so I been told) but I hate spending the time, plus sweats are comfy. (Although thinking about it maybe this is why I haven’t been on more dates in 2 years HAHA!)
Apples: Love that! Weeding out the weak. I bet you’re gorgeous (out of sweats and flip flops). Obviously, C agrees about weeding out.
Dadshouse: Kids or no kids. Hmmm definitely matters to some potential dates.
MindyMom’s comment is perfect, “Being a mom with many kids is only limiting if you let it be”. I was single with two kids and had no trouble dating, and eventually marrying. Now, singleagain with four dogs and 8 cats (2 giant intimidating deaf dogs), it was hard but I have now found a great guy (with a dog of his own).
I think if a man really wants to be with you, he’ll want you, regardless. I’ve seen it; a scenario where a married man left his wife for a woman WITH kids, and a man who pursued a woman he was interested in who had 4 kids!!
I am a single mum of two, I think having children at all can be a barrier to a guy asking you to date. I have to say that I would not date a guy with a view to a relationship if they didn’t have children. This is for 2 reasons
1) I don’t believe a childless man could understand my need to put my children first. This could potentially breed resentment.
2)I don’t want any more children and would hate to prevent a man from having a family he wanted.If he was someone who had made a conscious choice not to have children then I’m not sure how he’d feel about my children.
Twitter @ macjohnston
I have experienced both situations. I have been told by men that I’m attractive and what they are looking for, but having three kids makes it a “no go” for them. I have also dated men (singles and single dads) who see my motherhood as a positive quality. Since dating is about finding the partner that is right for you, I am not upset by these individuals’ positions. I appreciate the honesty. But I do make a point of sharing the fact that I have three children under 10 before making that first date. My time is precious, and if my intended date and I are not each other’s cup of tea, then I’d rather stay home with the blessings who love me.