Advice for a second date?
When we first read about Janet’s first-ever Match.com date at Daily Momsense, we weren’t the only ones who were excited.
Minus the frizzy hair (Janet, you are too cute!), the date went very smoothly. We’ve just found out that Janet is going out on a second date with this guy tomorrow (Friday)!
So, we’re just in time to offer some advice on how to handle that all-important second date. No doubt, Janet would love to hear your tips, too.
It’s okay to chat about your kid. We assume that your Match.com profile hinted at the fact that you’re a single mom. Yes? We’re big believers that a man deserves to hear up front, “I’m a single mom.”
So, on the second date, feel free to chat about your kid. No, we don’t suggest that you describe your son’s last diarrhea attack or the dust-up at day care. But it’s a good time to see how your date responds to you as a mom. Does he ask questions? Is he interested? Does he want to know about how your ex fits — or doesn’t fit — into your child’s life?
Use your grown-up voice. We’ve spent lots of time talking “kid-speak:”"Yes! Mommy sees the ladybug” and “Look who made his carrots all gone.” We have loft of experience using facial expressions — and not so many words. Please try to avoid encouraging him to clean his plate — or wondering if he needs to use the bathroom.
He’s a grown-up, remember?
Pay attention. Let’s face it, axe murderers are rare. Sure, he might harbor some secrets that are deal breakers for you. Listen closely. Pay attention to his body language. On second dates, we’ve both heard that dreaded word: “separated.” Who wants a front row seat to all that drama? On that same note, how much relationship experience does he have? Tread cautiously with any guy whose never been in a serious, long-term relationship.
Have fun. This is your night out away from domestic chores and bedtime routines. You get to have a real adult conversation. Make the most of it.
Your turn: what second date advice can you offer Janet?
Is there anything we left out?
|
Ultimate go-to guide for single mothers. The Complete Single Mother is the only comprehensive and best selling self help book ever written for single parents. It’s packed with savvy advice, sisterly comfort, as well as reassuring answers to all your single mom challenges. |
|
Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
Related posts:
- My parents don’t want me to date “Valentine’s Day was awful,” a young single mom of a toddler told us yesterday. “I’ve been a single mom...
- Why do single moms date married men? “I’m amazed at how many of my single mom friends date married men.” A perplexed single mom told us this...
- Do you feel guilty on date night? I chat with Rachel — aka Single Mom Seeking — almost every day, and lately we’ve been focused on a...
- My ex-wife is moving away. Advice? We’re always so honored to hear from fathers at Singlemommyhood! Recently one of our longtime readers, Steve, reached out to...
Follow Singlemommyhood on Twitter
Twitter @ singledadlife
Pretty simple actually. All your suggestions are spot on. Guys are not that complicated so don’t be cryptic. Be upfront, discuss your kids, talk about current events, what you like to do for fun, etc. Guaranteed success, 2 tips. One, do not dominate conversation with how horrible your “ex” is. Two, just ask questions about his life, what he likes to do for fun,kids (if has any), current events…. Sounds familiar? There was a study done years ago by Psychology Today. The author got on a plane and decided to sit next to a person and not discuss anything about himself. He would only ask questions and inquire about about the other person. When the passenger got off the plane, he was asked what he thought of the guy sitting next to him. He responded by saying he was one of the most interesting people he has ever met! Good to keep in mind for dates and all social situations. Now go get’em tiger!
Barry’s last blog post..Single Dads are No Better than Single Moms
First, be yourself. Second, besides not talking about your kid(s) too much, don’t bash or even discuss your ex much, apart from possibly the standard response to, “how long have you been divorced”? etc. You don’t want to come on too strong or offer up too much information too soon. If he’s asking questions, that’s a good sign, but that doesn’t mean you have to spill all your business on a second date. Give it time and see what happens. You also don’t want to dominate the conversation. As Barry says, ask questions and give him the opportunity to share things about himself with you.
Finally, enjoy! If he’s asked you out a second time, that’s a good sign, so just roll with it. Women in general have a tendency to over-analyze, come on too strong, and often scare a guy to death. We’re often picking out the china pattern when all he wants to do is have a simple meal. Just relax and have fun!
Twitter @ http://singlemommindy.blogspot.com
Be yourself. Relax. Although I wouldn’t get too involved with conversation about past relationships I would want to know a few basics, i.e.;
How long since your last relationship?
How long was your last relationship?
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Since I’ve been single for seven years I’ve found that generally, unless a man has been divorced (not separated) for at least two years he’s not ready for a relationship.
If he’s never been in a LTR you will have your work cut out for you.
If he says he’s never had his heart broken before – I wouldn’t date him. Quite possible he’s not capable of loving deeply enough or opening himself up enough to get hurt.
MindyMom’s last blog post..On Relationships
I used to get very nervous before dates. One trick I used was to do a little homework before hand. You’ve got the benefit of his profile which will hopefully provide you some info on his interests. And, hopefully, you have some that are similar. I used to pick a topic (hiking, running, cooking, wine tasting, whatever) that I was interested in, that I knew he would be and either reread part of a book I had found interesting about it, or think about a movie I had seen, or a festival or event I had been to and some interesting things I could talk about it. That way, I felt like if I got nervous, I would have something to prompt a light, fun and interesting conversation.
Twitter @ Singlemommyhood
@debra: What a clever idea. A bit of preparation. We all have interesting experiences to share. Sometimes you just can’t retrieve them, if you don’t think a bit ahead. Great idea – thanks so much for sharing it.
Dr. Leah’s last blog post..Advice for a second date?
Grown-up voice? Yikes…I hope you always follow that rule, not just on 2nd dates!
The best advice I ever got about running (and it applies to most everything) – read all the advice and information you can, and then ignore it. Everyone is different, we aren’t machines. Just because a friend had a bad experience with a guy who is tall and has black hair – don’t follow that person’s rule to never date tall people with black hair.
What do you want for yourself?
I have found the more I want for me and less expectations from him it all goes smoother.
I don;t need that much info on a second date. I’d rather have silly conversation..play scrabble, bring a trivia book, talk about movies then start delving. Perhaps he will just be my summer fling or the guy who gets my groove going for the next one. But I like that to unravel. He may never meet my DD yet I may see him for a few months casually……
and sometimes less is more
Twitter @ Singlemommyhood
@Phil – Yes, I always use my grown-up voice. When “my babies” were little I could be a bit too quick to offer an extra napkin and other “motherly” stuff.
@Judy – Less is often more. Thanks for the reminder!
Dr. Leah’s last blog post..Advice for a second date?
Thanks for the advice, everyone! He actually already DOES ask about my son, which I really appreciate. And I don’t do baby talk, so we’re good there, too!
I love Barry’s response b/c I get to hear the guy’s point of view.
We’ve talked on the phone a few times since the first date, so I think we’ll have a good time! I’ll let you all know how it turns out! Until then, I’ll keep reading all the advice I can get.
Janet’s last blog post..Getting domestic.
Here’s the update…
http://dailymomsense.blogspot.com/2009/06/wasnt-it-more-fun-when-love-connection.html
Janet’s last blog post..Wasn’t it more fun when "Love Connection" was a TV show and not my actual life? And also, I may have bad dating karma now.