Please help with school lunches
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Tips & Advice
“I know that you usually don’t write about food and diet, but I really need some advice,” a single mom tells us.
She explains that her fourth grader has never liked sandwiches, and although she has tried everything in the book — even peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches! — they come home uneaten. Why won’t her child eat turkey sandwiches on whole wheat bread like the other kids?
Because neither of us is a food expert, we’re so proud to bring one on board at Singlemommyhood. Please meet Dina Rose, founder of It’s Not About Nutrition.
Dina is “a Food Sociologist,” which means that she’s a sociologist, specializing in food. She’s also a mom. Dina regularly consults with parents — and she’s here to help you!
~~
So, here’s what Dina says:
School lunches cause moms a lot of anxiety – but they don’t need to. As long as your child is healthy, and the doctor hasn’t started worrying, then neither should you. After all, many of us grew up on pretty lousy lunches and still turned out OK.
Having said that, your concern is natural. (After all, motherhood, food and nurturing are basically synonymous). The solution may surprise you. First, stop trying to get your daughter to eat different food, just get her to eat the food she likes differently.
Here are three things you can do:
1) Never send food to school that your daughter hasn’t already agreed to eat.
School lunchtime — when you’re daughter is eating without your supervision — is not the time to expand her palate. It’s a recipe for failure if you include foods in your child’s lunch that she doesn’t like or is unfamiliar with. She’ll throw unwanted items out, trade them for something “better” or simply send them home untouched.
More importantly, regularly sending undesirable food to school will exacerbate the problem. Instead of making your daughter more willing to try new foods, it will make her more resistant to them as the pattern of looking through her lunchbox for yucky items to discard becomes entrenched.
Get your daughter’s consent before packing anything in her lunchbox.
2)Rotate what food you offer for lunch.
It doesn’t matter how many things your daughter likes, as long as it’s more than one item, you can (you must!) mix up the menu. Variety doesn’t just make nutritional sense, it also lays the foundation for introducing new foods. Even if your daughter only rotates through old, familiar foods, the practice of eating different things on different days is important to do. Simply put, new foods simply stand out less when they are introduced in the context of variety.
One way to increase the number of foods you rotate between is to include all the foods your daughter likes — even if they aren’t traditional lunch foods. It’s OK to include things you might ordinarily associate with breakfast and dinner — cereal, leftovers, or even with snacks. What’s wrong with a lunch comprised of some yogurt, some pretzels, some peanuts, and some raisins? As long as your daughter likes it, you can pack it.
Clean up the rest of your daughter’s diet.
Lastly, there’s room in everyone’s diet for marginal foods. If your daughter insists on eating them at lunch, compensate with healthier meals and snacks.
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Parents, do you have a picky eater, too? Does this sound familiar?
If you have any other food/diet questions or concerns, we would love to hear from you!
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My daughter just started Kindergarten where she’s having lunch at school for the first time, and for the first three weeks it was fine; we agreed on what she would eat at school and therefore what I would shop for. The school is very good about sending uneaten items home so that parents know what their kids are really eating. (They also forbid trading among the kids, which all of us parents love!)
Recently my daughter asked if she could buy the hot lunch at school sometimes, and since I can afford the additional expenditure, I agreed. Now we tack the lunch menu for the month up in the kitchen and cross off the days that has entrees she is not likely to eat. On those days she takes her lunch, and this has worked well for us so far.
Twitter @ TheMooksMum
My mother was so frustrated with our school lunch habits that by the time my brother and I were 7 and 9, we had to make our own lunches. I would say that, by 4th grade, the daughter should be able to participate in lunch-making.
There’s been a huge movement in Canada towards bento lunches for kids. As a result, there seems to be less focus on sandwiches, which I’ve never been a fan of. Check out laptoplunch.blogspot.com or just google bento lunch ideas.
My daughter’s favorite ’sandwich’? A cheese stick and a turkey pepperoni stick wrapped in a whole-wheat tortilla.
bad mummy´s last blog ..so…
We have the ability to go online and put money in our kid’s lunch accounts. That worked fine until about halfway through 7th grade I noticed that I was having to add money in the middle of the month. When I investigated, I discovered she was “selling” lunches on her account for cash. So, I figured up how much it costs for school breakfast and lunch. I added $5 for miscellaneous expenditures at the school store. So, every Sunday I give her $20. She has the option to make her own lunch and save the money or buy the school lunch. Depending on what is going on, she will opt to make her lunch and take it to save money for something she wants or to deposit the money in her school account.
Only once has she called me on a friday because she ran out of money. I told her tough, she could either borrow or not eat because that is what I would have to do.
To be honest, I usually opted for school lunches because it was easier and more convenient. They offer a yogurt plate at the elementary level that is just what Dina described – yogurt and fruit. She loved that and ate it almost every day. Occasionally, she would want to take her lunch for various reasons (to sit next to a friend at lunch or to avoid standing in line so she could get to the playground faster) and she told me what she wanted. She’s pretty good about eating a solid meal vs. junk.
Twitter @ http://www.itsnotaboutnutrition.com
Legal Editor: mixing it up between school and home lunches is a great way to go, especially if you talk to your daughter about making home lunches a little healthier if she always gets school lunch on pizza day, for instance.
Bad Mummy: Not so bad after all! Going unconventional is great! Just remember to mix it up a little.
And Chai_Girl: You go girl! I love how you’re teaching your daughter about lunch and about money all at once.
Dina
I struggle with this with my 2nd grade son. He has been so picky at times that I had to be sure he had the option to bring his own lunch to any summer programs he went to, or he didn’t eat. ALL DAY.
Other than the typical peanut butter sandwich (which I have stooped to cutting with cookie cutters in different shapes to make it more fun to eat), I pack cold leftover grilled chicken chopped in bite sized pieces, sandwich meat rolls (he won’t typically eat a turkey sandwich either, but will eat the turkey solo). I’ve cooked turkey hotdogs in the morning and put them right in the bun, wrapped in aluminum foil and put it in a thermos and it stayed warm enough for lunch. Our agreement is, if more than 1/4 of your main lunch item comes home in the lunch box, there are no snacks or treats for lunch or at home the next day. His school doesn’t let them throw out either, so this works well.
I’m always looking for new ideas though, and look forward to what others have come up with. Googling Bento now, thanks!
debra´s last blog ..All of these things are just like the others
Twitter @ Kellisue
My daughter is 17mon old and all she eats is chicken fingers and fish sticks. No mac and cheese, nothing with noodles, loves fruit and if it comes to veggies nope… unless its purred like babyfood. Shes beyond picky. She will eat crackers and sweets all day but nothing of substance. No sandwiches or lunchmeat. Any suggestions?
Twitter @ http://kbhotmama.blogspot.com
My son’s always been a picky eater, and I learned long ago that the more input he has into the decision process, the happier he is to eat. Because of this (and because I’m a single mom who’s maybe a little militant about teaching her son to take care of himself), he’s ALWAYS made his own lunch, since his first day of kindergarten. I oversee the process and assist with food prep that he can’t do alone, but he plans the meal and pulls it all together (for the most part) by himself. The rule: pack whatever you want, so long as it’s healthy and well-balanced. In addition to bringing greater success to lunchtime eating, it’s also been a great tool to teach him about balanced, healthy eating and meal planning. After he pulls together all the items he wants, we do a quick review to make sure he’s got a protein, a fruit, a grain, etc. His lunches are rarely traditional. I can’t remember the last time he opted for a sandwich, for example. But they’re always healthy.
He does have a fairly limited palate, so variety can be a struggle. Here, too, I’ve found that allowing him to decide what to try is helpful. There are some great kid’s cookbooks – many focused specifically on lunches – that we’ll peruse from time to time at the library. We usually try out the new recipes he selects at home first to make sure they pass the test, and then add them into the lunch rotation. (Often, the recipes are nothing more exciting than trailmix, but the fact that *he* selected it makes all the difference!)
One final thing: I don’t know about you, but my kiddo often makes his decision about whether or not he’s going to like something based on how it looks. Even things he already knows he likes! One of the reasons he doesn’t like sandwiches in his lunch is because he doesn’t like them when they get even the tiniest bit smashed. Apples? Can’t slice ‘em up, because he won’t eat them if he sees a bit of brown coming on. So I’ve learned that the *way* he packs his lunch is just as important as what goes inside. Luckily, my son is pretty good about bringing home tupperware-type containers, so we’re able to use more rigid (and reusable, yay!) containers to keep his food from getting squished. I’ve also noticed that something about the containers makes the food seem more “fun” to my son, which also helps. There are tons of bento-style lunch boxes that would accomplish the same thing, for anyone whose kids aren’t as reliable when it comes to bringing home containers.
Martini Mom´s last blog ..Out of context
Kelli: Wow – that’s a challenge. Sounds like the next question we’ll ask Dina to answer.
Martini Mom: This is what I love about our Singlemommyhood community! I thought I was the only mom whose kids would not eat “smashed food”. Squished was the code for something they once willing ate, but, somehow, did not get eaten in the lunch I had so lovingly packed.
Any other parents out there whose kids have a thing about smashed/squished food?
Twitter @ http://www.itsnotaboutnutrition.com
Dealing with a picky eater is a real struggle. It’s hard to give suggestions because every situation is completely different. But this is what I can say. It almost never has anything to do with food.
To sort out the situation you need to figure out why your child is picky. Is it control, a generally timid personality, bad experience, sensory sensitivity, texture issues?
Then you have to examine your interactions around food to see if you’re hurting or helping the situations. A lot of parents inadvertently put pressure on their kids to eat new foods, but if you’re locked in a control struggle, pressure is the last thing you should do. If control is the issue, lay some ground rule (like Martini Mom demonstrates) and then give your child as much control as possible.
On top of that? Teeny, tiny portions help for new stuff. Talk about taste, texture and appearance to help your child predict what the new food will taste like. Introduce new foods at times other than dinner. Don’t make every new food a healthy one. So many suggestions…so little space.
Dina
I’ve never had to deal with a picky eater, luckily. She is actually quite adventureous. We were sitting at a sushi bar when she was about 8 and they sushi chefs had fun making stuff for her to see if she would eat it. She tried everything. On a cruise, she wanted to order the escargot. She did and ate three before deciding she didn’t like it. She also surprised me at a cajun restaurant when she wanted to order the oysters. I asked the waitress to bring us one, and sure enough, my daughter downed it like a pro. She didn’t get anymore but it shut me up.
The only time she gets “picky” it is more of a control issue than that she doesn’t like it or doesn’t want to try it. It is usually a sign that there is something else going on and I ~try~ to be aware of that and work around it. I’m not always good at recognizing it for what it is, though.
My daughter is mostly vegetarian, and there is a nut ban at her school, so our old standby, peanut butter sandwiches, isn’t an option for us, unfortunately.
I have found that she responds well to a number of “small items” put together – cheese and crackers, cherry tomatoes, baby carrots, home made muffins. Fortunately for me, at 6, she still has a relatively small appetite.
I grew tired of my daughter asking for PB&J’s so i made her eat the school lunch. I found out she would eat everything they offered when she stopped asking me to make her lunch.
Its difficult in my home because we share custody. What is considered a healthy ok lunch at her dads is not what is considered such at my house.
I’ve had to give in because I can’t get her to eat whole wheat bread when she gets white bread there, I can’t get her to eat organic fruit leathers when she has those nasty fruit roll-ups there. She has excuses for everything nutritious.
This carries on into dinner/breakfast at home too. I do what I can and sneak what I can into her. She is 12 now and way more in control of what goes into her body. I have no desire to make food about control between mom and daughter though.
Chai_girl: Wow, that is pretty modern. I had no idea schools could let parents add money to their child’s lunch account. That is quite cool.
I’m not an avid fan of sending children off to school with lunch money, though. This is just my personal opinion, based on the available items at my brother and sister’s school. The lunch program is pretty lousy, and doesn’t even try to introduce healthy items. Perhaps they could sneak more veggies into the meatloaf or pizza? Just something that will be more nutrient dense!
Also, I find that the family saves more money when packing our own food, so that is a major plus. I always encourage my brother and sister to voice their likes and dislikes before my mom goes shopping, so that they will have things in their lunch bags that they will actually eat.