The Package Deal
by Rachel Sarah
Filed under Contests, Relationships
Izzy Rose — author of The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom — is on a mission to change the image of the modern-day step mom.
And we’re right behind her!
Izzy describes herself as single “middle-class socialite” who lived in San Francisco. She loved her career as a successful TV producer and she was fine with the fact that she was unmarried and kid-less at thirty-five. But, then she fell in love with an irresistible Southern man named Hank — “and her Izzy-centric lifestyle turned upside down.”
The Package Deal is about much more than her adventure as a new stepmother, however. It’s also a story about modern-day marriage, the negotiating of family and career, the necessity of friendships, and the constant search for identity.
Which brings us back to that question about her step mom identity. How does Izzy plan to change the stereotype?
“Well, first of all, I’d like our culture to ditch the wicked stereotype,” says Izzy, who has since moved to Austin, Texas with her husband and what she calls “his two man-cubs.”
“Signing up to help raise another woman’s kids isn’t what I’d call ‘wicked’—it’s pretty selfless work,” says Izzy. “And where the stereotype likes to characterize us as driving a wedge in a family, I disagree. I said ‘I DO’ to join a family that existed long before I came along. On a good day, I’m just trying to fit in!”
Izzy also speaks honestly about the challenges. For example, she didn’t fall in love instantly with her husband’s sons.
“And I felt pretty crummy about this admission until I asked myself, Why would love be instant? Just because you adore the man doesn’t mean you will feel the same way about his kids. Love takes time. Of course, I hoped that I would eventually fall for them — and they me.”
On that note, we’re giving away copies of The Package Deal to TWO of you!
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We’d love to know:
If you’re a step-parent, leave a comment telling us what your “package deal” looks like.
If you’re a single parent, tell us: do you ever imagine what it would be like to have “the package deal”?
Please leave a comment before November 14 – and we’ll choose two winners.
Want more? Be sure to visit Izzy’s sassy, smart blog Step Mother’s Milk.
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Ultimate go-to guide for single mothers. The Complete Single Mother is the only comprehensive and best selling self help book ever written for single parents. It’s packed with savvy advice, sisterly comfort, as well as reassuring answers to all your single mom challenges. |
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Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style. |
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I’m not a step mother, but rather, a single mother who is VERY grateful for the wonderful Step Mother my son has in his life. There is a time when the statement ‘signing up to help take care of another woman’s children’ would have made me cringe. But now that’s where my life is, I fully recognize that’s exactly what my son’s Step Mom has done. She married a man who’s first priority will always be the son who was there before she was. But she is there for his Dad in all his parenting moments, and for my son, she loves him, and she welcomes his love for her. I’d love to give her a copy of this book, to let her know, in some small way, that her compromises of her own free time, and going out of her way to include my son in her family are appreciated.
Twitter @ DeeshaPhilyaw
I’m a stepmom-to-be, and I’ve been enjoying the Step Mother’s Milk blog.
My fiance and I joke that when we met, we first fell in love with each other’s parenting prowess–and then each other. Even though it was over a year of dating before we actually met each other’s kids, it was obvious how important the kids were to us, and we planned our time together around their needs and activities.
Once we all met, things went well–though with four girls, of course there were some “personality” and “personal space” challenges, lol, but I think we did okay. A wise woman we know cautioned us, “Don’t get comfortable!”; she said that there would be a blissful honeymoon period with the kids, followed by a time of really doing the work of step-dating toward marriage and creating a family. She was right, and with a lot of patience and communication, we are steadily learning and growing together.
I relish my role as a future step-mom–for the opportunity to have two more wonderful, very special girls in my life!
On the flip side, my kids (the ones who call me Mom!) are blessed to have a wonderful step-mom who has been so great for them and who has been a wonderful addition to our co-parenting “team”. The girls and I adore her, and she has even embraced my future step-daughters. Even when there are challenges, we remain rooted in a place of love and mutual respect.
Deesha´s last blog ..Co-Parenting, Co-Sleeping, and Visitation
@Debra and @Deesha: Your comments are so inspiring. How incredibly open, honest, and kind. Thank you so much.
A friend forwarded this to me today. I am recently married, a month ago, 32 year old with no kids. The man I married is the wonderful father of a 11 year old daughter – thus my transition directly into mommyhood! I would love to read of another woman’s story in my shoes!
Amy: Congrats on your marriage and “mommyhood”. Izzy has definitely walked in your (new) shoes!
As a single mother I often wonder what it would be like for my son to have a dad in his life and not just a “male role model.” I think about if I meet someone before he turns five and if he’ll always think of that hypothetical man as his father. Then I think about if I don’t meet someone until he’s a teenager and what that would be like for our little family. I also wonder if I would even let someone else into our little club of two because I really, really love it being just the two of us. My son is my everything that it’s sometimes hard to even men. Plus I really like setting the rules and be the sole provider.
That’s a bunch of rambling but that’s how I feel. I’d love for my son to have a dad but I really love it just being the two of us.
Restless Mama´s last blog ..I’m a mass-hole!!!
At the age of 24, I signed up for a “Package Deal” that came loaded with three boys, some slightly possessive parents, and a “crazy exwife” who lived only minutes away. When I’d first met my husband, I had the classic thought of “How hard can it be?” HA!
In the first three years of dating and engagement, I endured everything from fights at little league games and keyed cars to sabotaged family vacations and overhearing the boys call me “a big zero.” Things got even more complicated after we got married. There were many, many times when I truly believed we would not make it. I would sit at my desk at work and cry as I rehashed harsh words spoken the night before by the boys, my husband, the exwife, or myself.
It occurred to me that I could not possibly be the only one who is going through this. I began searching for a local “stepmom support group” so I could find some allies in this fight! When I kept coming up empty-handed, someone suggested I start my own group. I scoffed at first, but then decided to give it a shot. Today, my little group is almost 2 years and 20+ stepmoms strong.
The benefits of this group have amazed me. I can personally say that I have grown in ways I wouldn’t have imagined, just from having so many like-minded women to share ideas, fears, and successes with. The group also played a role in my desire to spend some sincere, unbiased time trying to establish a forgiving relationship with the exwife. I realized that the problem wasn’t “just me” or “just her” and that maybe it could be overcome. It wasn’t easy, and it took a lot of turning the other cheek for me, but I am happy to report that she and I are in a MUCH better place now. As a testament, earlier this Summer she told me that she realized how much I truly loved “our boys.” I was touched to tears.
Perhaps the most beautiful moment for me as a stepmom was when some of my family was visiting from out of state. The boys had not met all of them and I was a little anxious. We had dinner together at our home, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, and I thought it turned out pretty good, all things considered. Afterwards, while I was cleaning up the kitchen, someone said to me, “I am really impressed, Elizabeth. You can really FEEL the love in this home. You must be so proud.”
We had worked so hard for over seven years to get to this point – blood, sweat, and tears had been poured into our family – and at that moment I felt like we had finally “arrived.”
Triangle NC Stepmoms will be celebrating 2 years in February and our amazing family will celebrate 8 years together in April.
Thank you, Elizabeth for sharing your inspiring story. It’s all about feeling the love – we agree!
Restless Mama: So many of us agree with you! Singlemommyhood is a happy and fulfilling way of life!
Twitter @ DeeshaPhilyaw
Elizabeth,
Your story is really encouraging. I don’t have a relationship with my future step-daughters’ mom, and you give me hope that maybe someday, I will.
Deesha´s last blog ..“Co-Parenting Matters” “Minding Your Money” Giveaway
I’m neither a stepmom nor a single mom (sorry!) but I’m a daughter and friend to both. I love the concept of your book.
One of my very best friends got herself a package with two stepsons from two different mamas. I’d love to give your book to her.
My (step) sister got a package of two stepsons as well.
My stepmom got herself a 9YO girl and 7YO boy when she married my dad eons ago. Then they had a baby together.
RookieMom Heather´s last blog ..Activity #332: Take your toddler tailgating
Great to see you here @Rookie Mom! Yes, Izzy also talks about how her own experience as a step-child has influenced her step-mothering.
Twitter @ tailgatingtimes
I only saw my first stepmother about 3 times before she was thrust into my life. At 14 I will admit I wasn’t overly keen to the idea and I’m sure my siblings and I didn’t make things easy. A big part of that was that we pretty much never saw my dad without her after that…it was a “package deal” forgive the pun. My mom remarried 15 years later and it was nearly the same thing for a year or so and then we started to see her by herself again.
I do think about what it will be like to have someone accept my son and daughter into their life. It also feels very unfair to me that my future wife will have to share me and I can’t give her everything she deserves because my kids were there first and they have the lion’s share of my heart. I want to be everything to everyone and I don’t see how I can. That’s my greatest fear.
It’s hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t experienced it- just how difficult it is to blend a family and to be a stepmom.
Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC´s last blog ..Sleeping in own bed
I ask…what IS the package deal anymore? I feel like the ideals of parenting, what motherhood is, what a child should expect to have for his well-being in life changes by the day. Perhaps I say that as a gal that had “ideals” a few years ago, only to have them disrupted by unexpectedly becoming a single mom still pursuing an active career in marketing.
So what’s MY ideal “package”? Being surrounded by people who reassure me that life as it is now, is worth every second. In short – a good support system for moms from all backgrounds, all situations. The secondary piece is not so much about having a “dad”, but a male figure that genuinely cares enough about my child to ask how he is, to go do things with him and teach him the ropes from a male perspective on what to do/not to do. I can only take my child so far as a woman.
Cheers to all of you,
M
Im a single mom of three (11-girl, 4-girl and 3-boy) currently dating a single dad of two (5-girl and 3-boy). we’ve already met eachother’s kids and had play dates with all of them together. Between all seven of us, it’s going really well…BUT…Both of our ex’s make it extreamly difficult on us. They complaine about someone else being around thier kids, throw fits and pick fights about everything from what time to pick up the kids to who gets what holiday. All FIVE of these kids are truly amazing and I wonder if we’ll ever all just get a long, if nothing but for the sake of these beautiful babies. reading ya’ll stories give me hope. I hope to one day be friends with my bf’s ex-wife. and maybe my bf friends with my ex (although my ex is a little more immature about all of it). I hope to one day share stories with her about her little people and how amazing I think they are. So I just wanted to say thank you to all who have posted. For giving me hope that one day we will get to that point, the point of true happiness to celebrate these special little people in our lives.
@D Ramos: Bravo for staying positive and doing your best to communicate, as you blend your families. Please keep us in touch.