Staying connected with friends

BlissfulMom recently wrote us to say . . . I’m a single mom by choice – couldn’t be more thrilled, but I’m finding things more awkward that I expected with my “no kids” friends.

Any advice?

Dr. Leah aka “Sanity Fairy” replies. . . .

Both our babies were born before any close friends were even thinking about kids, so we definitely understand.  Friends visit, and, of course, are enchanted by your baby. But really, they’re not quite as fascinated by the burps, drool, and soggy diapers, are they?

Is that really YOU so blissfully focused on the contents of a diaper?  Of course, it’s you!  Your life has been forever transformed. Nothing else on the planet seems even remotely as important as what’s going on minute to minute with your baby.

After a while, however, a “more than me and the baby reality” does set in. You’re finally in some kind of routine and getting a bit of sleep. But, despite this obvious progress, you feel off kilter. You realize you’re lonely. You miss your friends and want to reconnect.

And, since you asked, please know that I do believe that men may come and go, but ” your babies” and girl friends are forever.

How do you make time to reconnect with friends, especially those without kids?

Are you even capable of having a conversation without mentioning your sore boobs, the latest from the pediatrician, or the scary recall on strollers?

Of course, you can and here’s how . . .

Spend an hour outside of your home — alone. Or have a friend over.

Until you have a reliable sitter, swap your baby with another mom-friend. Or, ask a family member to help. If your baby is napping, have your friend over. Offer a treat. Change out of those nasty sweatpants you’ve been wearing 24/7.

Acknowledge you have been in a “baby fog” and need to break free.

Breaking free means you listen intently to what your friend has going on in her life. Reply to friends’ IM’s,  texts, or e-mails.  Your friends need to feel connected to you, too.

Here’s the take away message.

If you’re tempted to “baby talk”, remember that behind that cocktail glass or coffee cup, there might be a friend dealing with her own issues now made very real by the big change in your life.

We both lost sight of that fact and regret it.  Several close friends drifted away and other long time friends downgraded to just acquaintances.  Truthfully, a couple of these friends were freaked out by our partners’ desertion and just couldn’t handle it.  We did not make things any easier by our constant and riveting attention on our kids.  Looking back, we probably would have done things differently.

Blissful Mom would love to hear from you–and so would we!

How do you stay connected with girl friends—especially those without kids?

	Ultimate go-to guide for single mothers. The Complete Single Mother is the only comprehensive and best selling self help book ever written for single parents. It’s packed with savvy advice, sisterly comfort, as well as reassuring answers to all your single mom challenges.
	Read the book! Single Mom Seeking is a tell-all about how to date and remain a dedicated and involved parent. It’s a spunky, sexy, and moving chronicle of the humor, pitfalls, and rewards of balancing it all — single-mom style.

No related posts.