Does your child have a cell phone?
by Dr. Leah
Filed under Tips & Advice
Last summer, when Rachel, aka Single Mom Seeking, told me that she’d gotten a cell phone for her eight-year-old, I couldn’t believe my ears. Her daughter wasn’t even in third grade yet!
Rachel tried to explain: “The phone isn’t for her: it’s for me.”
I thought: How did we ever survive childhood?! Seriously, I’ve talked to many parents who refuse to purchase a cell phone for their kids until they can drive. So, I wanted to know why Rachel had made the cell phone plunge.
She described how independent her daughter was becoming: her daughter was using public transportation to go to day camp. She was having more play dates and slumber parties.
So, Rachel was a bit anxious. What if my child got lost? What if she needed to reach her mom? Or, just as importantly, what if she wanted to reach her daughter?
Of course, her daughter was thrilled to get a cell phone. But, as Rachel carefully explained, all the numbers stored on her phone are for family and close neighbor-friends. She has rarely called another child. She knows that her phone is a privilege.
When my kids were her daughter’s age, there were no cell phones. Just pagers. Pagers cost literally thousands of dollars. The prevailing wisdom at that time: If you saw someone with a pager, he was either a physician or a drug dealer. In short, pagers were strictly for grown-ups.
Of course, the cost for a kid cell phone today is pocket change.
Still, I kept thinking: this child is only eight, for goodness sake. Does she really need a cell phone? And what’s the trade-off?
My kids listened intently to the “what if ” instructions because it was not possible to get in touch with me instantly. And sometimes they needed to figure things out for themselves without my immediate help. I’m not the least surprised that both my kids are capable, self-reliant young adults.
Frankly, I’m puzzled: How do tweens with cell phones develop confidence and self-reliance when Mom is always available?
If there any down side to Rachel’s quest for peace of mind?
How have you tackled the cell phone issue with your own kids?
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My oldest two got cell phones when they went to middle school. I was a single mom and I felt it helped with schedulling and transportation and the like. The plan was to be the same for my third child but my ex decided to buy her one in 5th grade despite my feelings that it was inapproriate for her. Her phone use has since caused many problems so I just take it away when she’s here with me and then give it back when she goes to her father’s. Kids can be too young to have a phone and in the wrong hands can definitely cause more harm than good.
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There is a ten year difference between my two kids. My daughter didn’t have a cell phone until she was eighteen. I survived those teen years of after school activiites, sports, part time job etc without being able to get a hold of her at any time. My son is eleven and he has had a phone (on time cards) for a little over a year. When goes out to play, he takes his phone. We have strict rules on its use, and I honestly would not want it any other way.Unfortunately, times have gotten worse since my daughter was that age. It has given me peace of mind I don’t ever want be without.
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My oldest has had a cell phone since he was 10 yrs old ( 4 yrs ago). The main reason is because I can contact him at anytime without having to deal with the ex. It makes life soo much easier to just call or text him. I know my 8 yr old wants one.. but it won’t happen for a couple more years.
If I wasn’t divorce, my oldest would probably get a cell phone around the age of 14. Divorce and cell phones seem to make life easier for the staying in touch with your kids.
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I like the idea of my daughter having a cell phone young if shes out visiting grandparents or dad. But my daughter will have one like the firefly (its one without a traditional keypad and only calls the numbers you preprogram in it) till she is old enough to pay for her own darn cellphone.
My child got a cell phone for her b-day on her 11th birthday just before middle school.
She got it because we don’t have home phones in either home and she’d be coming home by herself after school. It was important to have a means for her to contact someone in an emergency.
Also, now that she is getting ready to go into 7th grade she is doing more things with out a parent there (ie. watching a movie and being dropped off)… there aren’t payphones out there anymore (or not many and certainly not at the movies) so it is important she is able to call someone if she needs to.
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@Eathan Lots of parents who want hassle free contact with their kids provide cell phones. It’s a great idea and cuts way down on the “ex drama”.
@apples – A “Firefly” phone with only only preprogramed numbers. Sounds like an ideal compromise. Lots of moms (and dads) will be checking this option out. Thanks!
I also wanted to add the cell phone was cheaper to add her to one of our plans that it was to get even one landline at one of our homes let alone one for each of our homes.
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Kari: yes, as much as cell phone plans are SO pricey, once you have one the cost of adding another line is around $10. (The phone itself was a freebie, the low-tech kind.)
My kids are older, but I like them having cell phones. 8 years old, close call, but I am ok with it. Sense of security for sure.
All generation have this dilemma with their kids. My parents told me, we had a party line for a telephone, we took the bus everywhere or walked, listened to radio no TV, news was only seen before movies,
My kids heard from me I walked to friends house at night, only had 3 TV stations plus UHF, NO video games, NO computers, NO Cell phones -they GASP in horror. How did you LIVE!
When they are parents I am sure they will be telling their kids, I had a separate keyboard and monitor, and TV’s were placed on tables, and we had books to read and had to go to the library and had CD’s not files.
I am not saying times are better now than when I was a kid, but once the cat is out of the bag, it is not going back in!
Sorry Doc, let Rachel’s daughter keep you hip
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Like Rachel, I got my oldest a cell phone when she was being picked up by her after school program after there was trouble one day and I had to leave work early to go get her.
I don’t think a cell phone provides independence or enables dependence by itself. It’s a tool that can help parent and child communicate effectively, but just like anything else, it’s up to the parents to provide the right tools to the kids for proper use.
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From a teacher’s point of view, they are a nightmare. And the parents are part of the problem. I actually had 2 8th grade boys texting their moms back and forth during a choir concert while they were on the risers in front of the audience! Sometimes I fill in for the AP, and kids are constantly texting eachother in class, and parents are texting them, too. Personally, I don’t see the need until they can drive.
I had my doubts at first, but obtained a phone for LE when he was in 6th grade. Two years later, it’s my life-line to him. I agree with Rachel, it’s more for my peace of mind than his.
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I got one for my son three years ago. He is now 13. And like the others it was more for my peace of mind than his. He was riding the school bus then and with so many things going on I wanted to know that he could reach me whenever he needed to. At school it is a rule that it has to be turned off and in his locker or they will take it up. So no issues there. And we both feel much better with him having it.
@Christa: We have that rule at our school, too. Yet we have issues with them daily. (And if they have to be turned odd and in the locker, what’s the point of having one?)
@ Anna, the point of having one is so your child who is coming home by his/herself can contact you in an emergency.
Our child spends a couple of hours alone after school. There is no house phone in either home and the cell phone was a cheaper option (like I stated in a previous comment).
Our school bus system leaves a lot to be desired. Often times our child is not home when she should be because of the bus, she may still be waiting at the school or somewhere in between. She is to call me when she gets home, if she doesn’t then I don’t know if she is caught on the bus, at the school, or something happened. She knows to call if something with the bu is going on. Hence the reason to bring it to school.
The kids know the rules, the parents know the rules having it in class has consequences if my child has it in class she’ll not only face the consequences at school she’ll face them at home as well.
I clearly remember the same rules applied to me as they do to my child in regards to calling when I got home from school when I was her age and coming home alone.
I have a teacher for a mother, other family members, and close friends. I understand the frustration but I’m sorry I’m not paying more money out of my pocket for not one but two land lines (one for ex’s and one for my house, ex refuses to have a landline) just because some kids and parents can’t follow the school rules and the schools don’t follow their own enforcement rules.
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My daughter got a cell phone in 4th grade when my father passed away with two years left on the plan. Apparently you can’t get out of a cell phone contract even by dying. Since we had to pay for it anyway, we gave it to her. She has been fairly responsible. We also don’t have a house phone so she needs it for safety reasons. It also makes it easier when things happen after school so she can take advantage of spontaneous happenings – like a friend’s mom offers to take her to the mall or to go to a friend’s house or something. She walks home from school and half of the walk is after her other friends have dropped off at their houses. One time someone did pull up and offer to give her a ride. She did all the right things and said no, ran to a nearby house, and hid on the doorstep and called me. I talked to her the rest of the way home. The person offering a ride could have been innocently offering a ride…or maybe not. I’m glad she had her cell phone to call.
I was a teacher for 8 years. There is always an issue with something. Enforcement is the key. If the kids know they will lose their phones if they are used in class, they will stop using them. Parents have to pay a $25 fine to retrieve cell phones that are picked up in school which helps keep the parents from instigating the behavior. However, the teachers are the first to tell the kids to call their parents when they reach a certain point on field trips so the parents can be there to pick them up. If play rehearsal runs late, I don’t have to worry about why she isn’t home. She can call me or I can call her.
Most cell phone plans are so expensive that I decided to get my child a Tracfone prepaid phone plan. They have a variety of really simple to really intricate phones, so I just got my two daughters (9 and 10) the simplest phone. It was just $10, and I got their simplest plan, also for $10. In total, I pay $20 per month and I always know where my kids are. The peace of mind is excellent.
I am a very big supporter of children having their own cell phone. If used with control & responsibility by the parents. My son has had a phone for 3yrs, since he was 7yrs old. I was resistant to the idea, but after 2 frantic incidences: 1 – he fell asleep on the bus and the bus drivers claimed he had gotten off at another stop only to realize that he was still on the bus!! 2 – we got separated in a store, I thought he was with his older brothers and they thought he was with me. He was able to call me and I located him quickly. With his phone, he can only call or receive calls from those numbers that I have programmed with a PIN code. And for just an extra $20/month, he has a GPS ‘Chaperone’ program that allows me to program zones and if he enters or leaves those zones me and my sister receive text messages. I can also find where he is located within a certain mile radius. Also he can call/text with his Dad or stepbrothers without me as a go-between. I think gives them more of a sense of independence.
I am 12 and got my cell phone when I was in 4th grade, so I was about nine. My parents are divorsed so it helped me alot, and it was a great way for me to communicate with my friends.I lost it once in the last two or three years (sence I’ve had it)but luckily we’ve had insurence on it. I think it is a good idea to get your child a phone aorund age ten.